


Take a look outside

by orphan_account



Series: our little corner of the world [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:06:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 75,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8282039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kyungsoo is scared of flights and Jongin turns out to be more than just a seat neighbor for the next fourteen hours





	1. One

*

 

 

 

He can do this. He flew to China last year with no problems. This flight isn’t any different. 

Except for the fact that once they take off, they’ll be up in the air for 14 hours.

Kyungsoo is so not ready to do this.

“Hey, are you even listening?” Baekhyun interrupts his silent mental breakdown from where he’s driving Kyungsoo’s car to the airport to see Kyungsoo off.

“You were talking?” Kyungsoo asks with an arched eyebrow, trying to hide the fact that he’s currently contemplating calling everything off. Surely Joonmyun would understand.

Baekhyun clicks his tongue. “It took a ridiculous amount of aegyo for me to get time off from work. The least you could do is listen to your hyung.” He pouts a bit and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, his anxiety forgotten.

“What were you saying then?” He asks absently, watching the cars that are passing them on the driveway.

“I asked you if you’ve packed some sunscreen. It can get quiet hot there too, you know.” Baekhyun says, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel to some upbeat song in the background.

“It’s New York, not Spain.” Kyungsoo mumbles.

Baekhyun snorts. “Fine. Come back looking like a raisin then. See if I care.”

Kyungsoo sighs, feeling how his nerves are slowly getting to him. His left leg is constantly bouncing up and down and his eyes dart around nervously, not able to focus on anything.

He’s been up all night, doing research on how airplanes work and how the weather affects a flight, not to mention he started checking the forecasts a week ago already. And then he also looked at articles about plain crashes because he was just stupid like that and after that he couldn’t sleep at all, worst case scenarios playing in his mind and driving him crazy. His dread increased at least a tenfold and it's his own fault.

“Are you okay? You look a little nervous.” Baekhyun asks, reaching a hand out to touch Kyungsoo’s forehead but the latter bats it away, slightly annoyed.

“I’m fine.” He mumbles, burying his mouth in his sweater. It’s summer but he knows how cold it can get on flights so he just wanted to be safe, rather overdressed than the other way around.

When they drive into the car park of the airport Kyungsoo positively feels like either throwing up or passing out and he honestly doesn’t know which would be worse. 

Baekhyun helps him with his suitcase and while they’re walking to the Check-In he talks about how Chanyeol dropped a soda can on his big toe the other day while Kyungsoo was out doing grocery shopping, resulting in his toe nail falling off and that makes Kyungsoo laugh a little bit.

After the Check-In Baekhyun stays with him until they reach the security check where only people with a boarding pass are allowed to go through and Kyungsoo’s chest constricts a bit.

He’s known Baekhyun since middle school and even though the older boy gets on his nerves more often than not he’s Kyungsoo’s best friend. Baekhyun always cheers him up and makes him feel safe whenever Kyungsoo’s anxiety threatens to get out of control. Kyungsoo can’t put into words how much he wants Baekhyun to go with him right now.

He feels so pathetic, his eyes are stinging dangerously when Baekhyun places Kyungsoo’s suitcase on the floor and looks at him with slightly glistening eyes too.

“Aww, I’m going to miss you, Soo.” Baekhyun says, voice wavering a bit before he pulls Kyungsoo into a warm and tight hug. He rubs his back and Kyungsoo closes his eyes, focusing on Baekhyun’s securing touch.

He’s not like this usually. Well, okay, he tends to over analyze everything and anything in his life, or dwell on the smallest things for days, or drive himself crazy with his thoughts when he’s nervous or scared..

“I know you’re nervous about the flight.” Baekhyun says once he pulls back from the embrace. Of course Baekhyun knows. Baekhyun can read him like an open book no matter how hard Kyungsoo tries to act indifferent all the time.

Kyungsoo is about to open his mouth to protest but Baekhyun gives him an unimpressed look, shutting him up with it.

“But you’re aware that that’s just your anxiety playing with your mind, right? There’s no reason to be scared. It’s like you’re sitting in a train or something. It’s the same. It’ll be fine, Soo.”

Baekhyun smiles encouragingly and Kyungsoo grimaces in return. “I know, it’s ridiculous.” He mumbles sheepishly. Baekhyun coos again, pulling him into yet another hug and this time Kyungsoo brings his arms up to hug him back as they won’t be seeing each other for a whole month and they’ve never been apart for such a long time.

“Take care of yourself. I expect a call every other day, or at least a text or an E-Mail but those need to come in every single day, understood?” Baekhyun demands, sniveling a bit against his shoulder.

Kyungsoo pats his back, nodding. “Yeah, you take care too. Make sure Chanyeol doesn’t go crazy without me putting him in his place.”

Baekhyun laughs warmly, rubbing at his eyes once they’ve pulled back. “I will. But seriously, be careful. I want you back in one piece.”

Kyungsoo sighs and gives his friend a smile. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Okay. Say hello to Joonmyun for us, will you? And call me as soon as you can.”

Kyungsoo nods and ducks away when Baekhyun’s about to kiss his cheek, making them both laugh. He’s still smiling when he’s turned his back to Baekhyun. He looks over his shoulder because he knows Baekhyun will be upset if he doesn’t and snorts at the way Baekhyun’s face lights up. They wave one last time before Kyungsoo disappears around the corner.

As soon as he’s on his own, Kyungsoo’s face falls. He’s never dealt well with being on his own. He almost wants to turn around and talk Baekhyun into buying his own ticket. He really can’t do this. His stomach feels tight when he walks through the security checks and he tries to distract himself by putting his earplugs in and listening to the playlist Jongdae had prepared for him.

 

*

 

 

Walking through the airport and watching all those different people hurry around somewhat calms his nerves while he is looking for his gate. His flight is at 4p.m. which means he has to wait more than an hour and that’s the worst. That’s more time than he ever wanted to be left alone with his maddening thoughts.

He buys a bottle of green tea and some kind of swiss chocolate from a store next to his gate, mentally cursing about the prices. The seats by his gate are practically empty and Kyungsoo is glad as he can sit close to the window this way. He tries to relax as best as he can and the chocolate helps a bit too. When he checks his phone he has a message from Joonmyun, asking him when exactly he’s going to land in New York so he can pick him up.

Joonmyun is Kyungsoo’s childhood friend and they basically grew up together and were in the same classes up until High School. After that Joonmyun decided that it would be a good idea to emigrate to America and leave Kyungsoo all alone back in South Korea. Well, he wasn’t actually alone but that’s not what matters here. Joonmyun finished University in New York and was now working in an office and truth to be told, Kyungsoo doesn’t even know what the guy works as.

But they haven’t seen each other since last Christmas when Joonmyun came back to visit them and well, it’s been more than half a year now and this time it’s Kungsoo’s turn to do the visiting and no matter how much he’s missed his friend, he’s starting to doubt if enduring this torturous flight is worth seeing Joonmyun's stupid face.

As time goes by more and more people show up at the gate and this is where the fun part starts; Spot the potential terrorist that plans to blow up the airplane.

Kyungsoo sighs and closes his eyes, wishing for time to go faster because he’s starting to feel really jittery.

He’s relieved and ready to bolt at the same time when they announce that boarding is going to start in a few minutes and his seat number gets called first as he’s sitting in the last row which totally is a coincidence.

Walking through the tube that connects the airplane to the building somehow feels like walking to his death sentence and he seriously hates himself for being like this, acting up like a little child because of a stupid flight. He’s embarrassed and there’s a little girl running past him, looking at the airplane in awe and laughing in excitement while Kyungsoo on the other hand is having a hard time getting some oxygen into his lungs.

It’s a big airplane as it’s a fourteen hour flight which means there’s a row of three seats in the middle and a row of two-seaters on both sides each. Kyungsoo’s seat is on the left side at the very back and he’s sitting by the window which is not good. He’ll have to pull down the blinds as soon as he’s allowed to.

His heart is doing weird things in his chest and he tries taking calming breaths. Hearing all those weird sounds the airplane makes doesn’t do him any good either. There are Flight Attendants rushing around and that’s also making him feel kind of dizzy.

He jumps when someone bumps into the seat beside him and when he turns around the only thing he can see are a pair of tan shorts and a pink sweater because the person is busy leaning up to stow away their Carry-On Baggage.

The person turns out to be a guy around his age with weird bleached hair that looks pink too and sun kissed skin but that’s all Kyungsoo can register as there’s a rattling sound coming from behind him, making him flinch and almost have a heart attack.

When he opens them again he looks outside and sees people in vests either driving around funny cars loaded with suitcases or standing around and chatting with their co-workers.

His leg is doing the thing again, bouncing up and down so fast it’s starting to make a noise and he puts a hand on his knee to stop it, cheeks feeling warm when he notices how the guy next to him is frowning at him.

After about ten minutes they start with the safety instructions and Kyungsoo regrets not putting in his earplugs because listening to phrases like  _in case of an emergency_  makes the bile rise in his throat. If the plane crashes they're all going to die either way. Right? 

When they’re done waving their arms around the plane starts moving and Kyungsoo’s heart is about to collapse. It wasn’t this bad when he went to China. He doesn’t know why he’s freaking out so much right now but all he knows is that his hands have started to sweat.

“Are you okay?” A deep voice suddenly asks and Kyungsoo flinches a bit, turning his head to look into his seat neighbor’s dark eyes.

“I’m fine.” He manages to croak out and is momentarily distracted by the stranger’s features.

The guy doesn’t seem too convinced but he nods nonetheless, strapping on his seatbelt and closing his eyes a little while he leans his head back. Everything about his stance screams cool and relaxed while Kyungsoo must look like he’s seen a ghost with how pale he is and how is eyes can’t stop darting around nervously.

The takeoff has to be the worst part. How the airplane starts rolling rapidly without any warning, pushing the passengers back into their seats. Kyungsoo presses his eyes closed when it’s happening, hands gripping painfully into his seat and he’s seconds away from praying but he’s not sure if his prayers would be heard given the fact that he hasn’t gone to church in over two years.

Another thing about takeoffs that makes Kyungsoo almost shit his pants is that obnoxious feeling he gets at the base of his stomach the moment the wheals take off from the ground.

Kyungsoo doesn’t realize what he’s doing, he’s still got his eyes pressed closed painfully and he doesn’t dare breathing because the airplane is shaking,  _why the hell is it shaking_ -

“Uh” Someone says and Kyungsoo almost whimpers. He doesn’t want to open his eyes, really.

But he does open them an inch when the guy next to him clears his throat and it’s only then that he realizes that it isn’t the armrest to his right that has to endure his death grip.

It’s the guy’s thigh.

“Sorry” He whispers, face feeling hot when he retreats his hand immediately and tries to take some calming breaths. He slumps back into his seat once they aren’t flying so inclined anymore and pulls down the blinds with shaking hands.

“Are you scared of flights?” His seat neighbor asks and Kyungsoo almost feels annoyed, his nerves are really pulled tight right now and he’s almost ready to snap at anyone out of fear. But he knows that he can’t take this out on anyone else, let alone a complete stranger he’ll be sitting next to for the next fourteen hours.

So he forces himself to look to his right and he’s surprised to be met with warm and understanding eyes. “I don’t fly that often.” He mumbles, feeling embarrassed because this guy seems to have no problems with flying at all.

Kyungsoo also uses the moment to take in the stranger's face a bit better. He’s probably one of those guys, with his bleached cherry hair and sleepy ‘i-don’t-give-a-fuck’ eyes, with girl’s crying over his life ruining jawline. He looks like that type. And he looks like the type to think that Kyungsoo’s a pathetic little whimp.

“Me neither, actually.” The guy says, smiling almost sheepishly.

Kyungsoo frowns. “And you’re not scared?”

Hot guy shrugs and shakes his head, fringe brushing over his eyes at the movement. “Not really. I mean, I was the first time. But it’s not really that different from driving a car, is it?”

Kyungsoo shifts a bit in his seat. “Uh, but we’re going to be like 30’000 feet above the ground.”

His seat neighbor seems to be trying to hold back a smile at Kyungsoo’s words. It’s such an obvious thing for someone with fear of flights to know such information. “Well yes... But I mean I just imagine planes to have their own highway but just like, in the air I guess. And yeah sure, there are lots of accidents with cars because the driver’s don’t pay attention or they’re drunk or whatever. Flying an airplane is much easier in that aspect. You don’t really have any traffic to worry about. What’s left then is the possibility of a malfunctioning or something. But like, how big are the chances of your car having a malfunctioning when you’re driving? Really small, right? It’s the same with planes. Only that planes get checked after every single flight and I mean, it's been at least a year since I got my car checked and I'm still alive, right?”

When the guy stops talking he takes in Kyungsoo’s surprised look on his face and his cheeks look a bit darker when he realizes how much he's talked. He clears his throat. “Sorry, that was.. like. Word vomit. I apologize.” And then the guy pulls a face, probably at himself and Kyungsoo can’t help but smile because it looks kind of endearing.

“That was actually really good. I mean... I feel a little bit better. At least not like I’m going to throw up any second.” Kyungsoo says earnestly. The words did calm him down a bit. Either that or it’s the stranger’s face, he’s not really sure.

A bright smile spreads on the stranger’s face and suddenly he reaches a hand out. “I’m Jongin, by the way.”

Kyungsoo tentatively places his hand into the one he’s being offered and tries not to be too annoyed when he notices how the stranger’s hand practically engulfs his own in it’s hold. “I’m Kyungsoo, it’s nice to meet you.”

Jongin smiles and Kyungsoo gulps because Jongin is really attractive and this flight could be a horror trip or the exact opposite but he’s not quite sure yet. The only thing he knows is that Jongin has to stop smiling like that, like right now.

They exchange some basic information about each other. Kyungsoo finds out that Jongin is only a year younger than him and that he’s going to stay in New York for three weeks. He’s a student at an arts school in Seoul where he’s a dancer and he’s been booked for a small show which is really huge for an average college student, which were Jongin’s own words.

"You've got a starring role in a show in New York. If you ask me that's anything but average." Kyungsoo says.

Jongin shrugs and it's so cute, how he turns his head away. "I guess." He mumbles.

"I'd like to see you dance." Kyungsoo admits and Jongin turns to face him again, eyes somewhat big.

"Really?" He asks, smiling so bright Kyungsoo forgets what they've been talking about.

He nods. And Jongin smiles even bigger, if that's possible. "You could come to the show!" He exclaims and puts a hand to his mouth when he realizes that's he's been a bit too loud. Kyungsoo can't stop but think of him as a puppy. He wants to cuddle him really bad. "I mean, if you want. You don't have to. But if you have time." Jongin rambles, hand coming up to scratch at his neck.

Kyungsoo can't help the smile that spreads across his face at how nervous Jongin is acting. "I'd love to." He says and thinks he absolutely has to go to this show when Jongin looks at him like that. 

“Do you happen to have picked your seat in the last row for any particular reason?” Jongin asks in between their conversation and Kyungsoo shrugs.

“Chances of surviving are higher here, right?” Kyungsoo asks, nibbling at his lower lip. "Oh, but I guess we'd have to watch everyone else die first..." Jongin makes an amused sound next to him.

“That’s morbid.” He says and Kyungsoo cracks a smile.

Kyungsoo in return tells him that he’s probably going to get himself a boring office job since he’s studying accountancy and he also tells him that he likes to sing from time to time and shakes his head when Jongin asks him to sing something.

"You have a nice voice. It must be amazing to listen to you singing." Jongin says and Kyungsoo keeps shaking his head no. At one point, when Jongin won't stop talking like that, he has to bring up his hands to hide his hot cheeks and almost wants to punch Jongin for laughing at him. He doesn't understand why he feels like this.

"If you come to the show you're going to see me dance. I think it's only fair if I can hear you sing after that, right?" Jongin says, grinning like an idiot when Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

"Yes, but  _if_ I come to your show. I might not find the time." Kyungsoo explains.

Jongin shrugs. "I know. But you have to sing for me if you come."

Kyungsoo sighs. "Jongin, I'm really not that good-"

"I don't care. I just really want to hear you sing. So promise me you'll sing if you come to the show?" And the younger boy looks at him with hopeful eyes and how could Kyungsoo ever say no to that?

"I- yeah, okay." Kyungsoo mutters irritated because he doesn't understand why Jongin seems to be so keen on hearing him sing but it also makes his insides feel warm.

"Okay what? You have to say it, it's not a promise otherwise." Jongin says and he looks like a reluctant child with his furrowed eyebrows and Kyungsoo's just so endeared by him it almost hurts.

" _Jongin-"_  He starts in an exasperated tone but Jongin shushes him.

"Hyung, please." The younger insists. 

Kyungsoo shakes his head at him, huffing before finally giving in. "If I happen to come see your show I will sing for you." 

"Yay" Jongin whispers and Kyungsoo is seconds away from reaching out to see if that boy is even real.

“So you live together with your friends?” Jongin asks after a while and he sounds so genuinely interested and it’s just so weird as Kyungsoo’s pretty boring and so is his life. He doesn’t talk much about it and he doesn’t get a lot of questions asked about it.

“Yeah. Well actually only with Baekhyun but Chanyeol's over all the time so...” Kyungsoo explains, clearing his throat. “Although I’m planning to move out as soon as I can because they’re disgusting together.” He scrunches up his nose at the memory, when he walked in on them practically dry humping each other on the kitchen counter. Although he has to admit that his reaction might have been a bit harsh, how he threw his shoe at Chanyeol’s head, yelling curses about how he  _fucking cooks in there._

 

Jongin has a strange look on his face, one that Kyungsoo can’t really detect. “Oh, they’re... together?” He asks and his voice sounds off too. The world comes crushing down a bit in that moment.

Kyungsoo goes rigid at the tone of his voice. “Yes. Do you have a problem with that?” He asks, sounding almost challenging and maybe a bit angry but he might have a reason to be, depending on how Jongin was going to answer.

The younger gets a nervous look on his face, quickly shaking his head. “Uh, no of course not.” He mutters and Kyungsoo gulps, it sounds like a lie and his heart falls a little. It's Kyungsoo's fault, he should've known that every person has a bad side to them. It's just a shame that Jongin's bad side makes it basically impossible for them to get along in any kind of way.  He didn’t expect Jongin to be homophobic but he also doesn’t want to jump to conclusions.

The seats suddenly jolt for a few seconds and Kyungsoo almost bites his tongue, fingers going to grip both his armrests once again.

“Kyungsoo.” Jongin says beside him. “It’s just turbulences. It happens every flight.”

But Kyungsoo isn’t really listening as suddenly the whole plain seems to drop a few feet, rattling along the way and it makes his stomach swoop in a very bad way. “I think I’m going to throw up.” He mumbles, eyes clenched shut.

When their seats jolt again a pathetic whimper leaves his lips and then there’s suddenly something warm on his arm.

He opens his eyes a little bit, knows that it’s Jongin’s hand that’s touching him but he’s glad when he gets the visual confirmation. His tanned skin looks good on Kyungsoo’s pale arm and it’s ridiculous, how easily Jongin seems to be able to distract him.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Jongin is trying to distract him, Kyungsoo isn’t dumb and he’s not a child but he’s still glad that the younger is making an effort to make Kyungsoo feel better.

He’s actually really glad to have Jongin as his seat neighbor.

“Sure.” He says and wants to punch himself when he feels disappointed at how Jongin retreats his hand to scroll through the movie options on the screen in front of them.

They settle for Jurassic World. They’ve both already seen it but the other options aren’t all that alluring so.

Kyungsoo sometimes looks over, just to like, take in Jongin’s face. He always has a hard time looking stranger’s in the eyes during conversations and it’s been the same with Jongin. Apart from knowing that the younger’s got an exceptionally handsome face he couldn’t really focus on the individual parts.

And right now he’s been looking at Jongin’s profile for too long, oh god, the younger suddenly turns his head in Kyungsoo’s direction and Kyungsoo in return acts like he’s been watching the movie all along which is such a stupid thing to do. He almost gives himself whiplash with how fast he turns his head into the other direction. 

Jongin next to him has a stupid smile on his face while Kyungsoo is having a hard time getting over his own idiocy. It makes something flutter in his chest and that’s just confusing.

When the younger doesn’t look away after another minute Kyungsoo can’t help but look back, frowning slightly. “Why are you watching me?” He asks, feeling slightly uncomfortable with how intensely Jongin is looking at him right now.

“Do you want me to stop?” Jongin asks, face blank and Kyungsoo is left confused.

“It’s weird.” He mumbles, as if he hadn’t done the same thing mere minutes ago.

Jongin shrugs. “I think you have a cute face. That’s why I was looking. But I’ll stop now.” And with that the younger turns his eyes back to the screen, hopefully missing Kyungsoo’s weird gaping face that most certainly resembles a goldfish.

It takes him minutes to stop thinking about how Jongin called him cute, contemplating if the boy was just fucking with him or if he’d really meant it. Either way it’s making him feel very hot in his seat.

It’s just.

Jongin seems to be so nice and funny. And he’s so unbelievably beautiful Kyungsoo doesn’t know what’s left and right. It’s just weird. His after shave smells sweet and musky and Kyungsoo wants to nuzzle his neck to inhale it and he’s such a creep. He’s not like this, normally. He really isn’t. But his thoughts are making him blush and shift in his seat and he thinks that maybe he should sit elsewhere.

In fact, he’s been thinking about Jongin so intensely for the past hour he completely forgot that he should be scared of the flight.

“Did you mean that?” Kyungsoo suddenly mumbles while Jongin is busy watching some raptors on the screen.

“Mean what?” He asks, almost distractedly without looking away from the movie and it makes heat rise up in Kyungsoo’s neck. He knows Jongin’s doing it on purpose as the corners of his lips are twitching as is he’s trying to retain himself from smiling.

“Never mind.” Kyungsoo mutters quietly. He knows how guys like Jongin are. No matter how nice he is, Jongin must be well aware of his looks and how he affects people around him. He knows what to say and how to smile in a certain way to rile them up.

Jongin finally turns around. "You're really cute, Kyungsoo hyung. I thought you already knew that.” He says, cheeks turning scarlet as he gives him an almost timid look and  Kyungsoo just-

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to answer. He’s never been called cute. He probably would strangle Chanyeol if he’d ever call him cute.

But right now he just can’t explain the bubbly feeling growing in his chest at how Jongin smiles at him. The way the corners of his lips curly into a tentative, small smile that blooms and spreads across Jongin’s face is a sight to behold; Kyungsoo finds himself wanting to see it again. He also wants to be the reason for it again and again.

And when the plane shakes in the next moment Kyungsoo’s hand shoots out to grab what happens to be Jongin’s shirt around his chest, as if Kyungsoo’s is trying to prevent the younger from flying forward.

Jongin seems to understand Kyungsoo’s actions and he chuckles, almost fondly and suddenly there’s a hand engulfing his own, pulling it away from Jongin’s chest and placing it back into Kyungsoo's lap instead. The intention's very clear, Jongin doesn't like Kyungsoo touching him. Kyungsoo feels so bad he doesn't even realize how Jongin had brushed his thumb across his knuckles before letting go.

His cheeks feel hot with how much he just embarrassed himself. He can't believe he made Jongin feel uncomfortable like that. Just because Kyungsoo is gay doesn’t mean every other guy is too and not everyone is comfortable with the idea of it, he really should be more thoughtful.

“Uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ Kyungsoo starts but Jongin stops him with a firm shake of his head.

“No problem. Let’s watch the movie, yeah?” Jongin says, giving him a weird smile and Kyungsoo nods a bit numbly, chest feeling tight as he turns his face back to the screen. But he can’t really get himself to pay attention to it, can’t help feeling as if he’s just messed everything up. The last thing he wants is for it to be weird between them when they have nowhere to escape and are basically forced to sit together until they’ve reached New York.

 

*

 

They don’t really talk anymore until the movie is over and Kyungsoo positively feels like crying by the end of it. They’re spared from making awkward conversations though as the food’s being served and Kyungsoo is somehow glad for it, fearing to make even a bigger fool of himself otherwise.

“What can I get you to drink?” The pretty flight attendant asks and Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the way she smiles at Jongin and how the latter smugly grins back, showing off his perfect teeth and he feel’s ridiculous when there’s a obnoxious feeling coiling at the pit of his stomach at the sight.

Their fingers brush when she hands Jongin his tea and Kyungsoo knows that the girl did it on purpose and he wants to roll his eyes with how her cheeks turn slightly pink in color.

“What about you, sir?” She asks when she finally stops staring at Jongin from underneath her lashes.

“Water please.” Kyungsoo answers shortly. He doesn’t even understand why he feels like this and he feels so pathetic because Jongin has made it more than obvious that he doesn’t swing his way and that he’s very much interested in boobs.

When the girl reaches out the cup of water for him to take Jongin gets in his way by taking the cup instead and putting it on the pulled out table in front of Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo is almost fuming by now because Jongin obviously did that to touch the girl again and it’s making him feel really upset.

He misses the look Jongin shoots him when Kyungsoo doesn’t even spare him a glance before starting to eat his food. It doesn’t taste good but it’s free so Kyungsoo eats all of it. And they it eat in complete silence and it’s basically the worst.

When there’s another jolt going through the plane Kyungsoo actually manages to do nothing but flinch a bit and not reach out for Jongin again, thank you very much.

"Hyung, is everything alright?" Jongin asks a few minutes later and he sounds slightly concerned but Kyungsoo chooses to ignore that.

"Yes, why do you ask?" He answers. It's not Jongin's fault Kyungsoo can't control his feelings and that he's basically feeling like a jealous boyfriend for no reason whatsoever.

Jongin shrugs, fingers toying with the hem of his pink sweater. "Because you're being so quiet."

"I'm fine, Jongin." Is what he says, even though he feels bad as it's obviously bothering Jongin given the slightly hurt look the younger directs at him before nodding.

Kyungsoo puts his earplugs in, making it clear that he doesn’t want to talk. It might be a childish move but he’s actually just sparing his heart a lot of pain. No one but Kyunsgoo could be so stupid to develop a pathetic crush during a flight.

They’ve been flying for about four hours now and it’s starting to get dark outside from what Kyungsoo can see from the other windows.

He’s almost falling asleep when something nudges his shoulder. He contemplates acting like he’s already sleeping for a second but then he feels bad. Even though Jongin might be disgusted by him if he ever found out that Kyungsoo was gay, the boy had helped him through his anxiety and that’s not something everyone would do.

So he blinks his eyes open and pulls out one earplug, giving Jongin a questioning look.

“Do you mind opening the blinds?” Jongin asks, voice a bit rough as if he’s been dozing off too.

Kyungsoo does mind, actually. When the blinds are drawn shut he’s able to fool himself into thinking that he actually isn’t 40’000 feet above the ground. “Uh...” He starts, feeling too embarrassed to admit how it scares him to look outside.

Jongin seems to understand though, because he shakes his head. “No, it’s okay don’t worry.” He says, adding a warm smile to it. “It just looks really beautiful right now. Thought you might want to see it.” He says and Kyungsoo can’t look away, can’t help but notice how his Adam’s apple moves when he’s speaking.

“Beautiful?” Kyungsoo asks, now curious despite his fear.

Jongin nods. “See yourself?” He asks, almost hopeful and how could Kyungsoo even resist a face like that.

So he turns around and pulls the blinds up with slightly trembling fingers, preparing for a wave of nausea to him him but instead he forgets all about his fear because it  _is_  beautiful. They’re above a see of clouds and the sun is setting and the sky above them has already turned a dark shade of blue and it all seems so... magical, somehow. How the clouds are tinted a shade of pink and orange, and how he can actually see the curved outline of the earth, how it’s glowing right there on the horizon and he doesn’t want to look away.

He doesn’t dare looking away as Jongin’s leaned over to look out the window and his torso is almost draped over Kyungsoo’s back and it’s making something flutter in his chest, the feeling of a warm, solid body so close to his.

And because it’s Jongin, it makes it all even worse.

Kyungsoo is left flustered and confused, remembering Jongin’s reaction to Kyungsoo touching him during the movie.

“Isn’t so bad, is it?” Jongin asks, mouth close to Kyungsoo’s ear. His low voice sends shivers down his spine and Kyungsoo bites his lip, hard, because all his body wants to do is lean back and press into the heat.

“It’s beautiful.” Kyungsoo manages to croak out and he leans back a little, causing Jongin to do the same.

Kyungsoo can feel how Jongin is staring at him and it takes him a lot of nerves to look up and meet his gaze and he wishes he didn’t.

Jongin’s eyes are so soft when he mumbles “Yeah, it is” Eyes gazing over Kyungsoo’s face, stopping at his lips for a second before a small smile grows on his pretty face, churning Kunygsoo’s insides.

The older looks away as he can’t look into those eyes any longer. He turns to the window again, the colors from outside moving across his arms. He presses a hand to the left side of his chest. It can’t be healthy for his heart to beat so fast, can it?

He doesn’t understand what Jongin is trying to do or why he starts to feel mildly upset about the fact that it's only a matter of hours before they won't see each other ever again.

 

 

 


	2. Two

x

 

 

It all feels a bit like he’s stuck in some kind of movie.

Because things like this only do happen in movies. Having your seat next to a person you suddenly can’t take your eyes off. Tate bringing you together like that like two lost souls that couldn’t have met in other circumstances.

And it’s stupid, really. Kyungsoo’s never even been in love. He never really had the opportunity to.

He used to be called the third wheel of the 'fag-trio' during High School when Baekhyun and him started hanging out with Chanyeol. None of them had been out of the closet back then, therefore Kyungsoo never really had the chance to even think about relationships whereas Baekhyun and Chanyeol had been a bit more lucky in that regard. They’ve been in love ever since the first time they saw each other during lunch years ago when they used to be insecure and confused teenagers, clearly never supposed to fit in with the popular kids. Kyungsoo never used to think about relationships during High School because he'd been to busy freaking out about the fact that he was gay. College kept him busy after that, throwing fuckboys his way as if he was a pot of honey in the middle of a swarm of bees and he's always refused to make a move even then. Kyungsoo always thought that the first time he falls in love will also be the last time.

So yes, this is really stupid and unfortunate.

And of course, what’s going on here isn’t love, it's not even the 'L' of love. Heck, he doesn’t have feelings for Jongin; they’ve only known each other for a few hours, but the mere _possibility_ of what they could be if Jongin felt the same way, it’s somehow addictive, something he can’t stop thinking about whenever Jongin laughs at something he says and their arms brush from where they’ve lifted up the armrest that was separating their bodies.

“What are you thinking about?” Jongin suddenly speaks up, and it’s quiet and hushed as most of the other passengers are already sleeping. It’s almost midnight now and Kyungsoo is very tired as well but he doesn’t have a lot of time with Jongin left and he doesn’t want to spend it sleeping.

Kyungsoo turns his head slowly, watching how the light from the screen in front of them paints Jongin’s handsome face in different shades of blue. He looks soft and young like this, with his sleepy eyes and the shadows that fall into his face from how the rest of the lights are turned off inside the plane. Kyungsoo wonders how it would feel, to wrap his arms around Jongin and to press his face against his chest. He can’t stop asking himself if they would fit together nicely.

_About you,_ he can’t say.

He shrugs, snuggling further into his seat. It’s so uncomfortable and it’s getting colder now, too. He probably won’t be able to sleep at all. “I don’t know. Stuff.” He mumbles and bites his tongue when Jongin chuckles deeply at his words.

Kyungsoo wants to reach out and brush his fingers against Jongin’s throat, ask him to laugh again, to feel the vibrations.

Jongin watches him quietly for a few seconds and Kyungsoo doesn’t look away, takes his time in studying the other’s dark irises, and only his eyes, because he’s grown quite fond of the shape of Jongin’s lips and he’d be staring at them if he doesn’t focus on something else.

“Why didn’t you become a singer?” Jongin asks. His voice is slurred and images of them laying in bed together late at night, talking about their day in quiet voices, wrapped up in each other’s arms play in his head. Kyungsoo clenches his jaw, willing himself to stop thinking all together.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “You know how it is in Korea. With all those k-pop bands around it always felt like I couldn’t stand a chance. I’m not good enough anyways.”

“I think you should give yourself a bit more credit.” Jongin says and Kyungsoo can see youth and foolish hope in his eyes, something that left Kyungsoo a long time ago even if there’s only one year separating them. Kyungsoo feels really old next to Jongin.

“You never heard me sing. I could be terrible.” Kyungsoo mutters. Jongin’s arm shoots out as if he wants to touch but the younger quickly moves to stretch his arms. Kyungsoo ignores it and chews at he inside of his cheek.

“I highly doubt that.” Jongin says and Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything else, too tired to protest.

“How did you get into dancing?” Kyungsoo asks instead to change the subject, to get them to stop talking about himself because even he gets bored talking about Do Kyungsoo for more than a minute.

And Kyungsoo knew it would happen but it still overwhelms him, how Jongin’s drooping eyelids suddenly open up, a bright expression blooming on his face at the question. It makes Kyungsoo feel like he should do more with his life, be more passionate when there are people like Jongin around.

“My older sister used to do ballet when she was little.” He starts, turning his body a bit so he’s facing Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo does the same and it feels as if they’re in their own bubble, away from other hushed conversations and soft snores that ring through the plane. Their knees brush without the armrest separating their seats and Kyungsoo wants to pull away but he also wants to see if Jongin is going to move away first.

But the younger stays like that and maybe Kyungsoo’s imagining stuff but Jongin’s pressing his leg further into the touch, making Kyungsoo’s heart flutter wildly in his chest.

“My parents took me to her first show. I was so awed by everything but I mean it’s silly, because everyone was about ten years old and it wasn’t all that fascinating, really. But for my six year old self it was. I remember asking my parents if I could do ballet as well while we were driving home after the show.” His smile fades a bit and he looks down at his hands, playing with his fingers and Kyungsoo wants to reach out and smooth away the worried lines between Jongin’s eyebrows. “They said ballet wasn’t for boys.”

Kyungsoo feels something flare up in his chest, sympathy for little Jongin who didn’t want to do anything but do ballet and anger seeing as Jongin’s parents seemed to be _that_ kind of parents. “But they were wrong.” He says, smiling when Jongin looks up.

Jongin nods. “Yeah, they were. But back then I cried myself to sleep when they said that to me because I didn't understand, I was only six. My sister taught me some things in her room when my parents weren’t home but my mom caught us once and that stopped as well. I forgot about ballet for a while because even my friends laughed at me when I told them so I told myself that it wasn’t something real boys should do. But when I grew up I understood better, and I still wanted to dance. It didn’t matter if it was ballet or jazz or hip hop, really. I learned stuff from Youtube videos and such. Sehun, my best friend, got into it as well but his parents were way more supportive than mine so they let him join a dance group in the town we lived in. I always snuck in when their practice was over and Sehun taught me everything he’d learned that day and we helped each other out as best as we could. When we were sixteen we joined a competition together and won first place and well, that’s when I knew I wasn’t going to stop doing it.” He stops, takes a deep breath and blinks when he sees that Kyungsoo is still listening patiently. “Do you want me to go on or are you bored?” He asks, almost nervously.

Kyungsoo smiles and tries not to read too much into it when Jongin stares at his mouth. “Go on, Jongin.” He mumbles.

“Okay. Well. My parents didn’t support me when I told them I was going to take dancing as a major in college. They refused to pay for it even though they had more than enough money and I felt like that was it. Because there was no way I could pay for college without their help, no matter how many part time jobs I took. Sehun applied to the same college and when his parents heard what was going they wanted to pay for me but I couldn’t accept that I started to bawl when they told me they wanted to pay for my education when I was over for dinner. They were just so nice and everything. But I was too stubborn to accept until Sehun knocked some sense into me one night. I spent all of my free time working and paying them back, I still am, obviously. My parents stopped talking to me after that. They...”

He stops talking and scratches at his neck. He looks uncomfortable now and it makes Kyungsoo frown.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” He says softly but Jongin shakes his head.

“No, wait. I’m almost done.” He laughs nervously. “They thought me and Sehun were together. Because we spent so much time together and I was so close with Mr. and Mrs. Oh. They said they didn’t want a homosexual son and they didn’t bother listening, no matter how much I tried to explain that Sehun and I were just best friends. They said they’d known I was gay ever since I asked them about ballet back then.” Jongin finishes with a bitter smile. He's trying to hide his face.

“Jongin-“ Kyungsoo starts but doesn’t really know what to say. It’s horrible to hear and it crushes his heart and it hits so close to home that Kyungsoo’s throat closes up for a moment.

“No, hyung I’m really not telling you this to get your sympathy. It’s just something that’s made me the person I am today, right?” He smiles and he looks proud and it’s so ridiculous how suddenly Kyungsoo feels proud, too. “Anyways. We haven’t really talked since I started college. My sister sometimes calls to tell me how I could still change my major and do _the right thing._ Or to tell me how I wouldn’t make enough money to live after college. Stuff like that. But I stopped listening because I have Sehun and his family’s support and I think I’m doing good.”

“You’re doing more than good, Jongin.” Kyungsoo says, shifting a bit. “What you’re doing is absolutely amazing. You’re working hard for your dream and you’re not letting anyone get in the way. I don’t... know what to say. I hate your parents for not seeing how amazing you are.” He mumbles shifting again, leg pressing closer against Jongin. He gulps when the younger leans into it.

“They don’t have to. I have other people who believe in me.” He says and smiles at him sheepishly and Kyungsoo wants to kiss him.

He’s never felt like this before. He’s never felt this overwhelming urge to press his lips against someone else’s and the feeling hits him like a wave, leaving him dizzy and confused.

“You know, hyung, I’m really glad I got to sit next to you. I think it would have been really sad never having met you.” Jongin says, he sounds sleepy again.

Kyungsoo frowns. “If you hadn’t met me you wouldn’t have known about my existence. You wouldn't have been sad at all, Jongin.”

Jongin seems to think about that for a second and he looks so cute, like a lost little puppy. “Yeah but now I that I know you, I know I would’ve been sad.”

Kyungsoo can’t help but snort a bit. “That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“Shut up.” Jongin mumbles under his breath, cheeks looking a bit scarlet and he immediately covers his mouth when he realizes what he just said, eyes wide. “Oh my god, hyung I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to say that I swear I would never-“

Kyungsoo chuckles, reaching out to take Jongin’s hand away from his mouth. “Calm down. It’s okay, I’m only a year older you don’t have to act so formal with me, Jongin.”

“Still. That was rude. I’m sorry.” Jongin mumbles, still looking flushed and Kyungsoo can’t stop smiling at how endearing that boy is.

Kyungsoo leans back into his seat and Jongin does too but they don’t really pull away when Jongin’s arm presses up against Kyungsoo’s or when Kyungsoo doesn’t move away his thigh which is touching Jongin’s. It really isn’t enough but it’s also the most Kyungsoo will ever get.

“I’m tired.” Jongin whispers after a few minutes of comfortable silent.

“Then sleep.” Kyungsoo says, cracking an eye open as he’s already been kind of dozing off.

Jongin pulls a face. “But we don’t have so much time left.”

“Time for what?”

The younger boy shifts in his seat, shrugging nervously. “Together...” He says really quietly. “I mean, not like that... Just... Never mind. I’m sleepy, I don’t know what I’m saying.” Jongin finishes, voice drifting off, leaving Kyungsoo confused about his words.

“I need a blanket.” Kyungsoo mumbles instead. He doesn’t really understand what Jongin was on about and he’s really good at changing subjects if he wants to.

Jongin sits up and proceeds to stand, opening the lid of the little cabinet up there to pull out a soft looking, still packaged blue blanket. He rips the packaging open with his teeth when he’s seated again and holds the blanket out for Kyungsoo to take.

“Is there only one?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yeah but I don’t need one, hyung. You can take it.” Jongin insists. Of course he does.

“No, you take it.” Kyungsoo says stubbornly.

“Hyung-“ Jongin starts and Kyungsoo knows they’re not going to give up.

“We can share.” He says without thinking. “If you want. Or not I mean. It’s big enough.” _Stop talking._

Jongin looks surprised for a second and he’s clearing his throat now, blushing and why is _he_ the one blushing, Kyungsoo doesn’t understand. “Yeah, sure.” He whispers.

Kyungsoo nods, folding the blanket out and holding one end for Jongin to take. It’s really awkward, how they try to cover themselves without pulling the blanket away from the other and it takes some time until the blanket is spread out evenly over them. Kyungsoo pulls his seat back but it’s still so uncomfortable and Kyungsoo worries for Jongin’s back. It won’t do him any good to dance with a sore back but there’s not much Kyungsoo can do about it.

“Good night, hyung.” Jongin mumbles.

Kyungsoo sighs, closing his eyes. He’s trying to shut off his mind, to stop thinking about Jongin’s presence next to him. “Good night Jongin.”

And it doesn’t really take him too long to fall asleep, the soft noises of the plane that usually would scare the shit out of him feeling kind of calming right now. And there’s also Jongin’s warm body next to him, how they’ve both shifted so their legs are pressed together again and maybe Kyungsoo presses in a little closer but Jongin doesn’t move away and no one should have the right to blame him when he’s got only hours with Jongin left.

 

x

 

Kyungsoo wakes up to the horrific sound of a woman’s voice telling them to prepare for landing through speakers.

He feels disoriented for a few seconds and he first remembers that he is indeed about to land in New York and that he’s spent hours the day before chatting with his seat neighbor. With Jongin.

The next thing he registers is that his body is dangerously leaning to the right, propped up against something just like his head is leaning onto something solid and warm. He doesn’t have to be a genius to understand what happened while he’s been sleeping but that doesn’t mean his heart doesn’t start doing weird things in his chest.

Jongin has his face turned to Kyungsoo, buried in his hair and Kyungsoo can feel his warm breath on his temple and it makes him shiver. Jongin’s right arm is thrown over his own chest, his fingers lazily gripping onto Kyungsoo’s upper arm and Kyungsoo’s face is basically pressed up against Jongin’s throat.

He can feel Jongin's pulse and smell his aftershave. And he's not sure why but Jongin's skin is glistening where Kyungsoo had been leaning against. 

Oh god he drooled didn't he-

Jongin suddenly stirs and Kyungsoo freezes. This is bad, he should move. And he does but not before not so subtly brushing away his saliva from Jongin's tanned skin. He moves back into his own seat and nervously looks up to see a sleepy looking Jongin staring back at him with a weird expression.

“Uh.” Jongin says and clears his throat, hand leaving it’ spot on Kyungsoo’s arm as if he'd been burned.

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo stutters and he doesn’t understand why he feels so flustered. It’s not like they did anything. Well okay, maybe it’s weird for strangers to cuddle but they both hadn’t been conscious during it so it’s not a big deal.

Except it is. Because Jongin is still looking at him with that weird expression and Kyungsoo doesn’t even want to figure out if it’s... disgust or something else. It makes his throat close up when Jongin quickly averts his gaze.

“Uh, no it’s okay.” The younger mumbles quietly, not sparing him another glance. With that he effectively shatters the illusion Kyungsoo had build up the first few seconds after waking up. Stupid illusion of _them._

But it’s probably Kyungsoo’s fault anyway. For being so damn delusional.

It’s awkward and tense between them. “It looks like it’s raining.” Jongin mumbles a few minutes later but he sounds all wrong.

Kyungsoo only manages a small ‘hum’ in return, not daring to open his mouth with how much his throat is closed up right now.

He dully feels the beginning of the descent and a deep sadness starts to bloom in his chest. The dull feeling turns into a heavy stab when Jongin starts to gather up his belongings.

Kyungsoo can’t help but watch Jongin’s hands as he moves. He’s not going to see them again.

He gulps but the lump in his throat doesn’t go away, doesn’t hurt any less. He starts to gather up his own stuff to distract himself and maybe pretend not to notice the way Jongin’s watching him.

When they finally touch down Kyungsoo briefly thinks about how he wasn’t scared at all. How all he’d thought about was Jongin, Jongin and Jongin, completely forgetting about the fact that he’s scared of the landing just as much as he’s scared of the takeoff.  In fact, he’d completely forgotten about his anxiety during the flight. He basically just didn’t have the time to freak out as Jongin had been there, all blinding smiles and warm laughter and intense glances to distract him.

Jongin stands up first, handing Kyungsoo his bag and Kyungsoo takes it with a quiet thanks, shoving his things into it with more force than necessary, ignoring Jongin’s worried glances.

Kyungsoo also desperately ignores the blinding smile Jongin shoots in the direction of the pretty attendant standing by the exit and Kyungsoo forces himself to at least bow at her, willing himself to stop acting like a child.

They walk out of the plane in complete silence and Kyungsoo can’t bring himself to look up. He sees Jongin’s pink sweater, his long legs, they're walking too close together. Their hands brush and Kyungsoo should pull away but he doesn’t.

Kyungsoo is so tired even though he’s slept the whole night and he’s half tempted to lean his forehead against Jongin’s shoulders while they're standing in line for the passport controls. He only now notices how much taller Jongin is. The top of Kyungsoo's head just about reaches the tip of Jongin's nose. That realization is like yet another punch to the gut. 

"Hyung, go on." Jongin says softly, hand guiding Kyungsoo towards the controls even though the younger was standing before him in the queue and the gesture makes Kyungsoo want to ask Jongin what he's trying to do. Why he's doing this to him.

They’re waiting at the baggage claim later and Kyungsoo hates this part. This _why the hell does my baggage come out last_ and the _i swear if my suitcase isn’t here_ is making him all giddy.

Jongin has his hands buried in his shorts and his eyes are a little swollen from sleep and Kyungsoo thinks he still looks beautiful like this. With his hair all over the place and skin a bit shining with sweat.

He doesn’t really think when he reaches out to brush away a strand of hair out of Jongin’s eyes but it’s okay, Jongin blinks at him and then proceeds to smile warmly. Kyungsoo doesn’t shy away when the younger boy moves behind him to lean his forehead against the back of Kyungsoo’s head and it’s funny as minutes before Kyungsoo had wanted to do the same. There’s a smile on Kyungsoo's face now, a bitter smile but happy nonetheless. He’s glad he’s met Jongin, so glad. That boy is like soft blankets and sunshine and Kyungsoo can’t even imagine what kind of person would be worthy of Jongin’s love.

“Tell me when my suitcase comes out. It’s got a huge marvel sticker on the front.” Jongin mumbles into his neck. Kyungsoo snickers quietly, Jongin just sounds so unbelievably cute at the moment.

“Sure.” He mumbles and holds back a shiver when he feels Jongin’s breath ghosting over the hair at the back of his neck. He also acts like he doesn't care about Jongin's fingers, how they're holding onto the hem of Kyungsoo's shirt tightly even though it makes him want to reach back and tangle their fingers together.

His eyes don’t leave the clock and he clears his throat, realizing once again how numbered his minutes with Jongin now are.

Ten minutes later they both have picked up their suitcases and are walking through the massive airport looking for their exit.

“Is someone going to pick you up?” Kyungsoo asks in a pathetic attempt to ease that weird tension between them.

“Yeah, there’s someone from the show crew supposed to wait. What about you?” Jongin asks, his eyes darting around somewhat nervously.

Kyungsoo knows what he’s looking for because they both spot it at the same time.

The exit.

Kyungsoo isn’t ready. He really isn't. Not yet.

“Uh. Yeah, my friend is here. He’s waiting.” Kyungsoo mumbles and he’s walking slower now. He’s not doing it purpose, he’s not dawdling. He’s not.

“Right.” Jongin says and they both stop walking right before the exit where the door slides open over and over again as other passengers walk through it.

Kyungsoo isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do. He hasn't got a clue, because this is goodbye and Kyungsoo doesn’t want it to be. He wants to ask for Jongin’s number, his Facebook, anything, but then he remembers Jongin flirting with that girl and the look Jongin gave him when he woke up in his arms, and his tongue turns to cotton in his mouth.

“Hyung” Jongin speaks up when they’ve been standing here for far too long. “About the show... I know you’re busy, but it’s in three weeks and I can get you tickets if you want-“

“Jongin” Kyungsoo interrupts and he doesn’t think. _He just doesn’t think_. “I really don’t think I have the time.” He bites his tongue at the lie, holds back a whimper at the way Jongin’s face falls. “I’m sorry.” He wants to say yes so badly, almost more than he’s ever wanted to say yes to something in his life before. But Jongin is so nice, he’s so polite and he calls him _hyung._ He wants his hyung to watch his show, wants Kyungsoo to ruffle his hair afterwards and say _well done, kid._

Maybe Jongin just wants to spare his feelings because he's noticed Kyungsoo's pathetic little crush on him.  Kyungsoo tells himself that this is for the best, that he’s sparing himself a lot of heartache. Even if Jongin's eyes right now are kind of splitting his heart right in the middle.

“Okay.” Jongin says and he nods and it’s all wrong, how his eyes have hardened and how he’s looking at Kyungsoo as if they don’t know each other at all. “Okay. Bye then, hyung. Take care.” The younger boy mutters quickly. Jongin smiles without any warmth behind it, waves shortly and then he turns around without warning, the doors sliding open for him and Kyungsoo watches him helplessly, how Jongin's pink sweater disappears behind closing doors. How the boy basically walks out of his life for good in a matter of seconds.

“Jongin” Kyungsoo says but Jongin isn't there to hear it. His hand is hanging in the air uselessly as the boy isn't here to grasp anymore.

Kyungsoo wants to run after him, wants to tell him not to leave him with a look like that. He wants to ask him so much. But most of all he just wants to sink his fingers into his ridiculous pink hair and pull him down to kiss away that ugly look and make him smile again.

Instead he waits another two minutes, just to be safe that Jongin has left for sure. He’s so pathetic and his head hurts when he finally walks through the doors, immediately spotting Joonmyun waving at him with a cute sign with Kyungsoo’s name in his hand.

It’s a small comfort, seeing his best friend again after so long, hugging him and momentarily forgetting about the heaviness in his chest.

And he really doesn’t look for a mop of pink hair while they’re walking to Joonmyun’s car.

 

x


	3. Three

x

 

 

 

“Kyungsoo, come _on_!”

Kyungsoo can hear Joonmyun’s voice clear as day from where he’s hidden beneath a bunch of blankets, pulled over his body like a protective cocoon. It feels like a sauna in there but the thought of dying from overheating doesn’t sound all that repulsive to him at the moment.

“You haven’t left your bed all day. Please just eat something at least.” Joonmyun says, voice laced with worry which is very typical and something Kyungsoo’s supposed to be used to by now. Yet the older man always manages to make him feel guilty every single time he changes his voice just so it makes Kyungsoo want to deliver him a sincere apology with maybe some chocolate on top. But honestly, just not right now.

Joonmyun’s been nagging him for hours now and a part of Kyungsoo does feel bad about ignoring his best friend like that. It’s not like the other boy did anything to deserve this kind of treatment. The both of them had been looking forward to their time together for months now and Kyungsoo’s ruining it so bad. He’s aware of it and it’s the worst feeling but-

But he’s not doing it on purpose. Really.

“Give me another minute.” He mumbles finally, his voice cracking from not having been used for so long.

“No. No more minutes for you.” He hears Joonmyun grumble before the latter pulls away the precious blankets from Kyungsoo's body, revealing his pathetic form that’s currently laying on the side in a fetal position. “Oh god, look at you.” Joonmyun groans, dropping the sheets to rub at his eyes.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Kyungsoo grumbles when Joonmyun won’t stop frowning at him after thirty seconds.

“I will, once you get up.” Joonmyun says, gesturing to the door. When Kyungsoo refuses to move even after that his friend swears under his breath and starts pulling at his ankles, almost throwing Kyungsoo off the bed with how much strength he’s putting into it.

“Joonmyun! Stop!” He shouts angrily. When he manages to kick his hyung’s hands away from his legs he finally sits up. And wow, his vision promptly goes black around the edges and he feels dizzy for a moment. Alright. Okay. Maybe Joonmyun’s got a point and thinking about it, he hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday too.

“What’s going on, Kyung?” Joonmyun asks, glancing at him with concerned eyes. Kyungsoo sighs at the guilt that builds up in his chest. All he’s done for the past two days is roll around in his bed, feeling like utter shit. “Is this about plane boy?” Joonmyun then asks, raising one eyebrow.

“Stop calling him plane boy.” Kyungsoo says as he pushes himself up from the bed. He really doesn’t feel like talking about Jongin. He’s been thinking about nothing but Jongin for the past days and he’s such a mess for no reason whatsoever. He should’ve forgotten about it the second Jongin turned his back to him because that’s what Jongin most certainly did too.

But it’s the worst, because no matter how hard he tries, he can’t get the boy’s deep voice out of his head. Or his bright laugh. His warm eyes.

He’s just so utterly stupid.

“Is it better if I mention his name?” Joonmyun rolls his eyes and turns around to open the blinds as well as the window. Kyungsoo has to shield his eyes as the sunlight hurts his sensitive eyes. “I’m sorry to say this but it’s your fault you’re so miserable right now. You had your chance and you messed up.”

“Gee, thanks.” Kyungsoo grumbles, shaking his head. He knows Joonmyun is right but still, isn’t he his best friend? He’s not supposed to make him feel even worse about this whole ordeal.

Joonmyun turns around and gives him a pitiful look when he sees Kyungsoo’s fallen face. “Kyung. I don’t understand where the problem is. Just go and see his show if you miss him so much.”

But Joonmyun doesn’t understand. “No, hyung I can’t. He probably forgot about me anyway and I said no when he asked. I had a reason to.” When his own words finally sink in Kyungsoo can’t help but pull a miserable grimace. It’s so pathetic, this whole situation he’s in. How he can’t seem to be able to move on from his encounter with Jongin when the younger probably stopped sparing him a thought the second he waved his goodbye to Kyungsoo.

The thought hurts more than Kyungsoo is ready to admit.

Joonmyun comes to stand in front of him to place a comforting hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, squeezing the tight muscle there. “You’re a mess, you know that?”

Kyungsoo half heartedly tries to shove his hand off but the older boy refuses to give into Kyungsoo's stubbornness. “Just go. You’re making things so much more complicated than they have to be.”

Kyungsoo makes another miserable sound. “No, you don’t understand. I get weird feelings around him but he’s straight. I can’t handle that.” He shakes his head as he thinks back to Jongin’s almost disturbed face after waking up from their weird cuddle session in the plane. “I can’t see him again.”

“Yes, you can. You don’t even know if he’s straight for sure.”

“Joonmyun please, drop it. Let’s just go grab something to eat, okay?” Kyungsoo gives him a pleading look that clearly says enough as Joonmyun stares at him for another four seconds before he finally gives in.

While Kyungsoo’s busy changing into a outfit that doesn't include worn out sweatpants and oversized shirts he decides to drop the Jongin issue once and for all. Kyungsoo might have messed up but he can’t turn back time now. And isn’t it stupid, to be this upset about someone he’s only known for about a day? This isn’t a stupid romance, nothing happened for god’s sake. He really needs to get a grip.

It’s just the way it is, so he will move on.

He just hopes Joonmyun won’t tell anyone about this because Baekhyun would never, ever let him live this down.

 

x

 

For the next two weeks Kyungsoo doesn’t spend that much time thinking about a certain pink haired boy. While he’s busy following Joonmyun around in the city, taking pictures for Baekhyun and Chanyeol, eating way too much food for his own good and meeting some of Joonmyun’s friends, the face of said boy might happen to pop up in his mind late at night when Kyungsoo grows restless. It clenches his heart in his chest, for a moment or two, but he shakes it off just as quickly as it came up and after that he’s fine.

He’s fine. Really.

“So, what’s on today?” Kyungsoo asks while he’s preparing breakfast in Joonmyun’s kitchen. His friend has a small apartment a bit further away from the centre of the city and it’s nice. It suits Joonmyun with it’s neat furniture and decent decoration with simple colors like grey and white.

“I have an appointment in about an hour. It shouldn’t take all that long but you can go out without me too, you know? You don’t have to wait for me.” Joonmyun says, reaching a hand out to pinch Kyungsoo’s cheek when the latter pours him some tea but he bats his hands away with an annoyed look on his face.

“I’ll just clean or something.” He says, washing a knife to chop some onions.

“No. This is supposed to be a holiday for you, remember? All you do is cook and clean, Kyung. I feel bad-“

Joonmyun’s phone goes off and when he looks at the caller ID Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the nervous look that crosses the older man’s face as he excuses himself and leaves the kitchen to answer the call.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and starts chopping the onions again. He doesn't cry for the first time while cutting onions and that makes him really happy. God, how pathetic is his life if such a small victory manages to kind of make his day?

When Joonmyun comes back a few minutes later he seems to be in a rush all of a sudden because he gulps down his tea so fast it burns his tongue and Kyungsoo has to give him a glass of cold water.

“Emergency?” Kyungsoo asks, smirking at the pained look on Joonmyun’s face.

“Something like that.” The elder grumbles, moving to clean up the plates from the kitchen table.

“Hyung I’ll take care of that. Just go.” Kyungsoo sighs, pushing at his the older one's hands.

Joonmyun sighs and nods, already backing out of the kitchen. “I’m really sorry, Kyungsoo but this is really important. I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? Just don’t get lost if you go outside,  call me if you do and I’ll just-“

Kyungsoo calmly places the dirty plates in the sink, tugs at the towel that’s hanging from his shoulder and hits Joonmyun with it when the latter won’t stop blabbering. “I’m not a helpless child. Just go already.”

Joonmyun looks hurt for a second but it’s replaced by his signature face splitting smile soon enough. “See you! Love you!” And he’s out of the kitchen before Kyungsoo has the chance to say anything else.

Kyungsoo snorts and once again wonders how Joonmyun is the older one out of them.

 

x

 

“I still don’t understand. Do you know someone here or what?” Kyungsoo asks for the nth time that night but Joonmyun merely shushes him just as the lights in the theatre get dimmed.

Kyungsoo gives up, leaning back into his seat.

After Joonmyun disappeared that morning Kyungsoo went out to do some grocery shopping. He cleaned the entire house and cooked some dinner until Joonmyun finally got back home, telling him to get dressed because they’re going out tonight. He wouldn’t tell him where they were going and Kyungsoo honestly hadn’t bothered asking anymore after the third time.

They’re in some kind of old theatre and Kyungsoo still can’t figure out what he’s going to watch. He’s pretty sure it’s some kind of musical.

Well, he might as well just try and enjoy it now.

The stage is pitch dark for about ten seconds before the sounds of soft piano tunes begin to play and a female figure appears in the spotlights. She starts moving to the beat of the music and Kyungsoo can’t help the frown that grows on his face.

She moves beautifully but that’s not what worries him. There’s this obnoxious feeling in his stomach when the girl does a pirouette and his body feels too tight when she jumps into the air gracefully.

Kyungsoo’s chest is filled with two emotions threatening to suffocate him when his mind finally realizes what’s going on.

Hope and dread.

“Joonmyun” He whispers, without taking his eyes from the girl. “What kind of show is this?”

The older smiles, Kyungsoo sees it from the corner of his eyes, and pats his shoulder. “What do you think?”

And Kyungsoo opens his mouth, well not really as it wasn’t closed in the first place, to answer him but he doesn’t get so far for the girl suddenly leaves the stage, the music slowly but noticeably changing into something with a heavier bass that’s vibrating in Kyungsoo’s chest.

He holds his breath when someone else appears in the spotlight. The sound of a heartbeat fills the whole theatre and apart from that it’s dead silent and Kyungsoo feels like his breathing is way too loud and so out of place. The figure doesn’t move, the sound of the heartbeat gets slower and Kyungsoo tries to see his face. This person, who’s dressed in white from head to toe, feet bare, shirt opened, pink hair standing up in all directions-

Kyungsoo can’t breathe.

“Joonmyun-” His fingers clasp around his friend’s wrist and he’s not sure if he wants to hurt him or just hold on. _How is this happening?_

When the music starts to play and the person finally looks up Kyungsoo’s legs kind of move on their own accord as if he’s trying to stand up but Joonmyun keeps him down with an arm placed over his chest.

Jongin starts moving and Kyungsoo stops doing so because it’s physically impossible to tear one’s eye away from Jongin’s body at this point. There’s something entirely different to the girl earlier, with Jongin’s facial expressions the way his feet seem to glide over the floor without any effort. Jongin looks like he was born for this, to be on stage, dancing. 

Kyungsoo can't find any words to describe it, the way Jongin moves his body to the music. It’s just breathtaking, how the music seems to adapt to Jongin and not the other way around how it's actually supposed to be. And god, that boy seems to solely dance with his hips and Kyungsoo can't even blink, eyes are so drawn to the center, to the lithe whirl of his waist. He gets frustrated because he’s so far away and he doesn’t get to see Jongin’s moves with detail. His throat feels dry with every pirouette Jongin does and his breath catches at every jut of Jongin’s pelvis. Kyungsoo feels as if no one else should be allowed see this, how Jongin is moving his hips, how he’s thrusting them to the beat of the music, how it makes Kyungsoo feel hot under his collar but at the same time he wants everyone in the world to see Jongin, to watch him dance and see how incredible he is.

It’s over before Kyungsoo can collect his thoughts, the crowd applauding the dancer who’s slowly disappearing back into the darkness and Kyungsoo wants to stand up and shout  _no, wait._

“Kyungsoo?” Joonmyun whispers next to him and when Kyungsoo finally looks at him after a moment in which he tried to catch his breath Joonmyun looks worried for his friend’s sanity. “Are you okay? That was him, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah” Kyungsoo whispers. He saw Jongin dance. His brain only now catches on. _He saw him dance, Jongin is here, he’s behind that stage, oh god-_

“How did you-“ Kyungsoo starts but stops when Joonmyun smiles at him.

“A friend of mine is a dance instructor here and she has some contacts. It wasn’t too difficult to find out, you know.” When Kyungsoo doesn’t respond in any way Joonmyun starts to look worried again. “Are you mad?”

Is he mad? Kyungsoo isn’t mad. At least not at Joonmyun, no. He’s mad at himself, how he was going to miss this just because he couldn’t control his own feelings. He’s mad thinking about how he was probably never going to whitness how _amazing_ Jongin actually was just because he’d been too selfish to say yes. God, he’s such an idiot. 

He’s a grown up man, isn’t he? He’s been through a lot of rejections, one more wouldn’t hurt. And Jongin is worth the heartbreak, the boy is so worth it. Kyungsoo wants him in his life so bad, even if only as a friend. He wants to tell the boy how great he is and he wants to see his smile.

“I’m not mad.” He finally says, although his voice sounds slightly off. “I’m-“ And now he stops talking altogether as he simply cannot find words to describe the way he feels right now. He’s happy and scared and he’d rather just stand up and get the hell out of here. He really doesn’t know what he will do if he’ll have to face Jongin today.

“You’re thankful that you have such a nice hyung?” Joonmyun tries but Kyungsoo shakes his head, taking a deep breath.

“He’s- Hyung, he’s _amazing_.” He finally says as all the air leaves his lungs.

He knows he can’t leave without seeing him. He doesn’t _want_ to leave without seeing Jongin’s smile at least once.

“Yeah, he is.” Joonmyun agrees. “That kid really is something, Kyung.” His voice is laced with something, his eyes shining with unspoken words but Kyungsoo very well understands what his friend is trying to tell him. He hates Joonmyun so much in that moment.

Because, well. He’s so right about this. He’s always right about anything.

“I hate you” Kyungsoo mumbles under his breath as the lights once again get dimmed, indicating the start of the next performance.

Joonmyun snorts next to him. “You can thank me later.”

Kyungsoo sighs, desperately trying to stop thinking and focus on the group that is dancing on the stage but his mind is screaming _Jongin, Jongin, Jongin_ and Kyungsoo suddenly feels the breathtaking urge to go and look for the boy. His legs are restless, the cups of his fingers itching to do _something_. He’s scared he’s going to miss him. He’s scared that he missed his chance when he rejected the boy back at the airport and he doesn’t know how he’s going to live with the fact that he’s messed that up so bad. He wants to make it right again.

One more chance isn’t so much to ask for, right?

 

x

 

His heart stops beating and then starts racing rapidly when the last performance is over, when everyone around him stands up to give their standing ovations, when the sound of the applause is so loud that it makes him dizzy.

His eyes are searching for one person as the dancers get back on stage to do their 90 degree bows and when Kyungsoo finds him he doesn’t see anything else anymore. Jongin looks so good, he smiles so bright, he looks so shy and happy and he’s glowing like a star and Kyungsoo’s heart clenches in his chest. He wants this boy so bad.

He’s such a pathetic idiot, Kyungsoo is so stupid, he wants to go home, back to Korea and forget all about this. He’s so dumb, for longing for something he knows he can’t have.

And he’d accepted that, he really had, but seeing Jongin again today, all his resistance just vanished like snowflakes melting away on warm skin.

It’s not until everyone’s left the stage and the audience is starting to gather their stuff to leave their seats that Kyungsoo realizes he has to make a decision right now.

And well, he has two options right now:

A, He’s going to leave as if he’s never seen the show. He’s going to go home, and it’s going to hurt for a while, trying to forget about Jongin, but eventually Kyungsoo is going to get over it because he wouldn’t have had a chance with Jongin either way.

B, He’s going to stay and say hi to Jongin. He’s going to tell him how well he did, he’s going to ruffle his hair and say how proud he is. Jongin is going to smile, going all _hyung_ on him and Kyungsoo is going to be that hyung for him, maybe get his number so they can hang out as friends. Kyungsoo is going to suffer, probably see Jongin date pretty girls but at least he’s going to have the boy in his life.

It’s pretty clear what Kyungsoo is going to do.

“Hey- what- Kyung, what are you doing?” Joonmyun asks while Kyungsoo is pulling his sweater on.

“Let’s go.” Kyungsoo mutters quietly, heart already clenching painfully in his chest as he’s squeezing himself through the narrow space between the rows of seats.

“What- No Kyungsoo, wait. You can’t just _leave._ ” Joonmyun hisses behind him but Kyungsoo shakes of the hand that tries to hold him back by his elbow.

“I saw him, didn’t I?” Kyungsoo asks without looking back. He saw him and now he feels like utter shit.

“Yes, but he didn’t see _you._ ” This time Joonmyun manages to make Kyungsoo stop walking by wrapping both his hands around Kyungoo's arms.

“Joonmyun, please, let’s just leave-“

“No! We’re not going to leave. You’re going to talk to him. I refuse to accept that all my efforts were for nothing!” Joonmyun says, loosening his grip on Kyungsoo once he makes sure that the younger isn’t going to run away. “I know you want to see him, Kyung. Stop being so stubborn! You’re going to regret this if you leave now. I know how you are, and I know you like this boy.”

“I don’t like-“

“Stop trying to lie to me. It doesn’t work.” Joonmyun rolls his eyes. “Don’t be stubborn, Kyung. At least not tonight. Just trust me. This is the right thing to do.” The older looks at him with hopeful eyes and Kyungsoo stares back, worry etched into every corner of his features. They stay like that for at least a minute before Kyungsoo visibly deflates under Joonmyun’s gaze.

“What should I do?” Kyungsoo mumbles, staring at the ground as if the answer to his question is going to pop up from the ugly red carpet there.

Joonmyun chuckles. “You should go and look for him. I’m going to wait outside.”

Kyungsoo looks up at that. “No, what? You can’t leave me alone hyung!”

The pleading and desperate look Kyungsoo gives him doesn’t seem to help as all the older does is roll his eyes over Kyungsoo’s overdramatic actions. “Joonmyun, please. I’m scared shitless as it is... Don’t leave me alone.”

“Ugh, fine. Come on you baby.” Joonymun mutters, dragging Kyungsoo through the mass of people, kind of fighting his way through and apologizing every time someone shoots them an annoyed look and Kyungsoo’s blushing furiously already.

People are standing on and around the stage, chatting wildly and Kyungsoo can see men and women in business clothing talking to some dancers Kyungsoo remembers from the show earlier. They must be scouts.

Joonmyun stops walking in order to look for Jongin and Kyungsoo hides behind him, trying to collect his thoughts enough to think of words he’s going to use when he’s talking to Jongin. A part of him hopes that the boy has already left but another part of him hurts at the thought of possibly missing the boy.

“He’s there!” Joonymun suddenly whisper shouts, pushing Kyungsoo to the front with more force than necessary. Kyungsoo gulps as he lifts his gaze, eyes wandering over the crowd to find the mop of pink hair and he bites his lip hard when he finally spots him.

Jongin is standing at the very back of the stage, smiling at a girl, saying something and reaching his hand out to touch the girl’s arm. Kyungsoo wants to turn around and leave because it looks so natural, so _right._

“Go on.” Joonmyun mutters, pushing at Kyungsoo’s back to get him to move. Kyungsoo is resisting, stumbling through the mass of people, eyes never leaving Jongin’s figure while the boy is still busy talking to that pretty girl.

When Kyungsoo is standing in front of the stage he realizes that this was a really stupid idea. He has no clue as to what he’s supposed to tell Jongin. Why he said no at first and then showed up either way. There’s also the possibility that Jongin has forgotten about him. Kyungsoo doesn’t have anything special about him. He knows that he has a face most people tend to just overlook on the street. There’s nothing worth memorizing.

“I can’t do this.” He chokes out. He’s suddenly close to tears.

“Kyungsoo, hey-“ Joonmyun mumbles softly, placing the palm of his hand against Kyungsoo’s back in a comforting gesture and Kyungsoo is about to turn around, because Joonmyun would leave if he saw the devastated look on Kyungsoo’s face.

But he doesn’t turn around. He can't when Jongin looks up.

He suddenly looks up and his eyes directly land on Kyungsoo, their gazes lock and Kyungsoo can’t catch up.

Jongin stops talking, his eyes widen and the girl in front of him gives him a confused look before she follows his gaze and looks at Kyungsoo too. She looks confused for a second but she leaves with a small smile seconds after and then it’s kind of just Jongin and Kyungsoo and they stare at each other without really blinking.

Jongin is the first one to move. Suddenly his lips twitch to grow into the most beautiful smile Kyungsoo has ever seen. His breath catches in his throat while Jongin pushes his way through the mass of people, rushing down the steps of the stage and then he’s suddenly standing right in front of Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo. Hyung.” He says, slightly out of breath, his deep, warm voice sending pleasant shivers over Kyungsoo’s neck.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to think. He’s happy because Jongin remembers him and Jongin is still smiling and he feels weak when Jongin is standing so close. Kyungsoo has to strain his neck to look into those pretty brown orbs. At the same time he just feels sad with how much he wants to wrap his arms around Jongin but he can’t.

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo finally says and the younger smiles even bigger at that, as if that’s even possible at this point, and Kyungsoo can’t hold back his own smile. They just stand like that, Kyungsoo’s heart beating wildly against his ribs while Jongin is looking at him, only at him, smiling so brightly as if Kyungsoo is presenting him the world in the palm of his hands.

“I can’t believe you’re here. You... came. You saw the show?” Jongin asks, suddenly looking a bit nervous.

Kyungsoo nods. “Yes. Jongin. You were... incredible.” He says truthfully. Jongin gulps and suddenly he’s stepping closer and Kyungsoo isn’t sure if it’s because someone pushed him.

“Yeah?” Jongin asks and he still sounds worried. Kyungsoo can't believe how Jongin still looks as if he’s not sure about his performance. It worries him, why the boy seems to be unable to understand how absolutely amazing he is. Kyungsoo briefly remembers their talk during their flight and his chest hurts at the thought of Jongin having been pushed to the ground over and over again by his family to be so insecure today.

“You were perfect. I’ve never seen anyone dance like you, Jongin. You’re... you’re so talented.” Kyungsoo says. And now he feels so nervous, with how close Jongin is standing. Kyungsoo can smell the sweat from his skin, the musky scent of his deodorant and it makes him feel weak in the knees.

"It wasn't much..." Jongin says quietly.

"But I think so." Kyungsoo stands his ground. There's no way he's going to make Jongin think any less of himself. There's a blush dusting Jongin's cheek and Kyungsoo is transfixed by it. He wants to reach out and touch.

Jongin smiles, small and warm and his face is so close now. “I’m glad-.” He finally says. “I’m so happy you’re here, hyung.” He whispers, looking down into Kyungsoo’s eyes and he needs to stop. He needs to stop looking at Kyungsoo like that. No one gave him the right to say _hyung_ and then look at him like that. Kyungsoo desperately ignores the adoration sparkling in Jongin's eyes as it's making things that much harder for him.

He also doesn’t understand why they’re standing so close, close enough for them to whisper, and why Jongin is okay with it. Everything feels too hot and Kyungsoo just wants to close his eyes, give into it and lean into Jongin’s warmth when the younger looks at him with such heavy lidded eyes.

“Jongin-“ He starts weakly when there’s suddenly a sound coming from behind him.

Right, they’re not alone.

“Sorry for interrupting.” Joonmyun apologizes although he doesn’t look sorry at all. Kyungsoo can’t find it in himself to be mad seeing as he wouldn’t be here tonight if it weren’t for him. He owes him a lot. “I’m Joonmyun, Kyungsoo’s best friend.” Joonmyun reaches a hand out and Jongin immediately takes a step back from Kyungsoo, shaking Joonmyun’s hand firmly.

“I’m Jongin. It’s nice to meet you.” Jongin says, smiling politely.

“You did great, by the way. I was blown away.” Joonmyun says,

Jongin smiles and looks at the ground nervously and Kyungsoo bites his cheek. That boy is doing things to him. “Thank you.”

Joonmyun nods happily and then turns his attention back to Kyungsoo. There's a mirthful glimmer in his eyes and Kyungsoo wants to wipe it away really bad. “Kyungsoo, I actually have stuff to take care of back home. You guys have some catching up to do I guess?” Joonmyun asks as if he's totally oblivious to what he’s doing right now.

“Uh” Kyungsoo starts, at a loss for words. “I’m not sure if Jongin has time...”

“I do!” Jongin blurts, blushing a bit at his own outburst. “I mean, we can grab a coffee or something. If you want to, Kyungsoo hyung.”

“Great!” Joonmyun claps a hand to both of their shoulders. “You guys have fun then. Call me if you get lost, Kyungie.” Joonmyun says to Kyungsoo and the latter just might have to punch him for that later. Joonmyun merely grins at him, giving him a pat to the back before waving Jongin goodbye while he makes his way through the crowd.

“Sorry about that.” Kyungsoo mumbles quietly once they’re left alone. Well, they’re not alone with all of those loudly chatting people around them but given the way Jongin looks at him again they could as well be.

“It’s okay. He seems really nice.” Jongin smiles, returning to his spot right in front of Kyungsoo, the tips of Kyungsoo’s sneakers touching Jongin’s toes. It makes him blush, Jongin has really cute toes.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do. Jongin is acting really confusing, the way he’s looking at him isn’t normal. It makes his heart flutter wildly inside his ribcage.

Or maybe it’s just Kyungsoo being delusional, maybe Jongin’s just showing how happy he is and Kyungsoo is mistaking it for something else. He needs to be careful. He can’t mess this up again.

A guy pats Jongin’s shoulder when he’s walking by and another one ruffles Jongin’s hair, telling him how good he did and Jongin just grins so cutely, so sheepishly.

“How about that coffee?” Jongin asks and Kyungsoo finds himself nodding without thinking about it. “Uh, okay. I just... I need to take a shower really quickly, and change, obviously.” Jongin looks so nervous and it’s so endearing, Kyungsoo can’t help but smile widely while Jongin is spluttering in front of him.

“That’s okay. I’ll... just wait outside.” Kyungsoo says but Jongin frowns at that.

“No. You can wait in the changing room.” Jongin raises his voice at the end to turn it into a question and Kyungsoo bites his lip.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Come on.” Jongin leads him through the crowd, walking behind him and directing him with small touches and Kyungsoo tries not to blush like a twelve year old. He can feel Jongin’s chest press against his back all the time and people shoot him weird looks when Jongin walks him through the backstage area.

“They want to kill me.” Kyungsoo mumbles while Jongin is walking beside him through a corridor and a girl slightly gapes at the pair.

The younger laughs at that, loud and warm. “They’re just too curious for their own good. Don’t mind them, hyung.”

_Please stop calling me hyung_ , Kyungsoo wants to say but he bites his tongue.

The changing room is empty. Kyungsoo expected some kind of wild crowd in there, changing back into their own clothes but it looks as if Jongin has his own room here. Like a real star.

It suits him. It’s what Jongin deserves. He deserves to be a star. Kyungsoo smiles, thinking about that and flinches slightly when the door shuts behind them with a loud click.

“I’ll hurry up, okay? I’m sorry for making you wait.” Jongin says, genuinely looking sorry and Kyungsoo presses his fingers into the palms of his hands to keep himself from reaching out and kiss away that frown.

“No, it’s okay. Take your time.” He smiles and Jongin smiles back and Kyungsoo thinks about how stupid they must look, smiling like that but he honestly doesn’t care. He managed to make Jongin smile so much tonight, he honestly can’t ask for anything else.

Jongin steps closer again, towel clutched nervously in his hands as he comes to a halt in front of Kyungsoo. “You’re not... going to leave, are you?”

Kyungsoo expected anything but certainly not that question. He frowns, shaking his head. “Of course not, why would you think that?” He asks, biting his lip worriedly. Did he do something wrong?

“Sorry, I just.” Jongin gulps. He looks really young again. “When you said no back at the airport I thought I was never going to see you again. And then you showed up anyway and I’m like. I still can’t believe it. Just... thanks for coming. It means a lot to me.” Jongin looks up, finally, smiling timidly and Kyungsoo can’t help himself.

He’s reaching his hand out before he can stop it, his palm touching Jongin’s cheek. It feels nice, it feels right but also not as Kyungsoo’s not sure how Jongin’s going to react.

But the younger doesn’t pull away, if anything, he leans into the touch, closing his eyes briefly and that gives Kyungsoo enough courage to brush his thumb over Jongin’s cheekbone.

“I’m sorry. For saying no. I would’ve never forgiven myself if I couldn’t have seen you dance.” Kyungsoo says, smiling softly when Jongin opens his eyes again.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m just glad you’re here.” Jongin reaches his own hand up, engulfing Kyungsoo’s with his and the latter doesn’t know why Jongin does that, why he brushes his thumb over Kyungsoo’s knuckles so gently. Jongin's bangs brush against Kyungsoo's temple and the latter realizes that they're standing too close, that they both literally need to take a step back for the sake of Kyungsoo's sanity. 

He could simply reach his other hand up, place it against Jongin’s neck and pull him down to press their lips together.

It would be so easy. So much easier than this tension right now, so much easier than how much it hurts to hold back when there’s this warmth coming from Jongin, when he’s still touching Kyungsoo’s hand like that. 

Jongin looks tired and there's a worried line between his eyebrows and Kyungsoo wonders if it's his presence that's causing it. The way they're touching. Jongin's bright, bright eyes that don't seem to blink, never leaving Kyungsoo, sending his heart fluttering in his chest like a little bird's wings. It makes him feel so light headed, makes everything Kyungsoo tried to build up in the past two weeks crumble down again. 

Kyungsoo clears his throat, tapping his fingers against Jongin’s cheek. “Come on, go take your shower.” He mumbles, adding a smile to it and Jongin nods slowly, finally letting go of Kyungsoo's hand.

Kyungsoo holds his breath while Jongin retreats, watching Jongin disappear behind the door, and he only releases it once the door’s closed and he’s alone in the room.

He falls down onto the couch with weak knees, sinking into it as he covers his burning face with both of his hands.

He doesn’t really know if he wants to laugh or cry.

 

x


	4. Four

 

x

 

 

The walk out of the theater and into the early night streets of crowded New York should really not have to be this difficult. 

Kyungsoo and Jongin aren’t really talking. And the silence isn’t awkward in itself but the reason for the silence is what causes this weird tension between them, what makes both boys close their mouths as Jongin seems to be just as much at a lack for some kind of words as Kyungsoo is. 

Somehow Kyungsoo understands why Jongin isn’t talking. It must be confusing to him, why Kyungsoo suddenly appeared tonight after initially rejecting the offer. 

And the older boy is going to explain, he _wants_ to explain but it’s hard to find the right words. He just wonders how the hell he is supposed to express himself without sounding like an utter idiot. Without freaking Jongin out and chasing him away. He’s not ready to tell Jongin the truth even if that sounds wrong, even to his own ears. But he’s really not ready to lose the boy when he only just kind of got him back. He can’t tell him now how Jongin didn’t leave his mind the past two weeks.

Or how it’s a bit hard to breathe whenever he notices the younger boy biting back a smile beside him as they slowly walk through the warm summer night. 

Or how much Kyungsoo wants to close the distance between their hands, how it’s driving him crazy that Jongin’s fingers almost brush against his but they both don’t cross that line, pull away before their skin comes into contact. 

“This way.” Jongin suddenly says, pulling Kyungsoo out of his thoughts with a light touch of his warm hand against the small of Kyungsoo’s back as he guides him into a small alley. There’s a small café, hidden behind some huge plants and faint light coming from the windows illuminating the otherwise dark alley prettily.

It’s almost empty when they go in, seeing as it’s a Thursday night and most people have work the next day but Kyungsoo is glad for it. 

“Jongin!” Someone shouts, both of them flinching when suddenly a girl appears from behind the bar, basically launching herself into Jongin’s arms. Kyungsoo gulps, automatically taking a step back as he tries to ignore the way his heart clenches in his chest at the sight of Jongin’s arms coming up to hug her back.

He looks at the ground, confused worried lines appearing on his forehead. Seeing the way Jongin smiles, or how he laughs when she asks him about the show, as if they know each other really well, is kind of hard to look at. The girl is also really pretty. With long blonde hair, big brown eyes and legs that should make every man weak. It seems to work on Jongin at least.

Kyungsoo feels really out of place. But he also doesn’t want to mess it up again today. He really wants Jongin to be in his life, he wants to be able to talk to Jongin and see him smile, hear him laugh...

But that definitely isn’t going to work if Kyungsoo’s useless feelings are in the way. His stupid, _stupid_ feelings. 

And still, he’d rather leave, take the bus and curl up in his bed at Joonmyun’s apartment. Yet he puts on a smile when the girl finally lets go of Jongin to look at him questioningly. 

“Oh” Jongin says, following her gaze, as if he only now remembers Kyungsoo’s presence. The older pretends that it doesn’t hurt when really, it feels like some kind of slap to the face. “Ella, this is Kyungsoo. He’s-“ He stops for a second. “Uh, he’s a good friend.” 

The girl, Ella apparently, breaks into a huge smile, stepping away from Jongin to take Kyungsoo’s hand into her’s. “Kyungsoo, it’s very nice to meet you! I’m the owner of the café slash bar. Did you see Jongin’s show?” She asks, still smiling so bright that Kyungsoo can’t look away for a second, tilting his head like a stupid, confused puppy. How can she smile like that? The better question is, how could someone not fall for a smile like that?

“Uh” He says, very stupidly before he finally remembers how to function as a human being. “Yeah, I did. He was amazing.” And despite the situation, he can’t help but look into Jongin’s eyes, smiling through his sadness when the younger looks away with a blush dusting the tips of his ears. 

“I’m sure he was.” Ella smiles at Jongin, reaching a hand out to ruffle it through Jongin’s hair. The latter duck’s away, grumbling something under his breath which makes Ella laugh out loud in return.

Kyungsoo doesn't look too much but he can’t help the frown that appears on his face. Jongin has only been here for two weeks and him and Ella are already getting along like... he doesn’t know like what.

He doesn’t want to think about it either but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what might have happened between them.

“What can I get you, Kyungsoo?” She asks as she leads them through the bar to a table.

“Uh.. an Americano please.” He says and he doesn’t know why he feels so out of place all of a sudden. As stupid as it sounds, he can’t help but compare himself to her even though he’s well aware of the fact that he’s never stood a chance against her to begin with. Just looking at her… she’s practically glowing, young and bubbly. Kyungsoo is so boring and small and just not important when there are people like her around.

All about this situation is another pang to his heart. Kyungsoo starts to feel sorry for it, how much it has to go through lately. It almost makes his eyes prickle because it’s his _heart,_ it hurts him a lot.. 

Ella sends a grin in Jongin’s direction. “How funny, the same as you.” She says with an amused voice.

“Hah, yeah.” Jongin chuckles but it sounds almost forced. Kyungsoo doesn’t understand, it must be some kind of insider of their’s, so he just ignores it as he slides into the booth Ella shows them. It’s at the very back of the café and Kyungsoo almost wants to thank her as they are on their own here. Also the seats are very comfortable and it’s sadly a small comfort to him.

When she leaves they are once again surrounded by silence. There’s some clattering noises coming from the back as well as some bits and pieces of conversations from the few people that are sitting further away. If Kyungsoo listens closely he can also make out some faint music in the background.

The atmosphere is nice but the way Jongin and him are avoiding each other’s eyes is not. 

Kyungsoo’s mood is so down and it’s the worst, he wanted to talk to Jongin, really talk it out and just get it over with. But now he’s so sad and he feels really tired. He’d really like for someone to do the talking for him instead.

After a minute of further silence Kyungsoo decides that Jongin is not going to speak up first. Kyungsoo is the older and he’s probably also the reason for the awkwardness in the air and that’s the least thing he wants. For Jongin to feel uncomfortable around him, for whatever reason. 

So he mans up, kind of.

“When are you going back?” He asks. It’s an okay question, and it’s also not something he simply asked to start their conversation. He really wants to know how long Jongin is going to stay.

And it’s worth it, how the tension suddenly seems to ease out from Jongin’s shoulder. How he smiles at him. 

Jongin’s face is handsome, beautiful, but when the boy smiles it’s as if he beholds his very own sun within and it shines through whenever his lips stretch into that smile, when his eyes crinkle at the corners and they almost disappear, forming small crescents that make Kyungsoo forget to breathe. 

“I’m leaving on Sunday.” Jongin says, pressing his lips together. “What about you, hyung?” 

Kyungsoo’s smile has a bitter edge to it. He hates how Jongin calls him hyung but at the same time it makes him feel so fond of the boy in front of him. “I’m staying another week.” He declares.

The younger boy nods, opening his mouth as if he’s about to say something but he gets interrupted when Ella appears at their booth with a tray that carries their coffees. 

“The cookies are on the house because I’m nice like that.” She mumbles and Kyungsoo notices that she has a bit of an accent but his English isn’t that great so he could never tell where she’s from. 

“Thanks, Ella.” Jongin smiles up at her and she shrugs, reaching over to give his shoulder a squeeze. Kyungsoo wants to dump his coffee over his head, he’s sure that would hurt less than the sight of Jongin making those eyes at other people. It would also give him a valid reason to leave.

When she has finally left, Kyungsoo manages to look up again, finding Jongin already staring at him with the beginning of a frown on his face. “You seem to get along well.” Kyungsoo mumbles, hoping that the other boy doesn’t notice how off his voice sounds. 

Jongin hums a bit, shrugging. “Yeah, she’s great. She’s the sister of a friend from the show. That’s how we met.” He explains but his voice doesn’t really give anything away. 

Kyungsoo nods, doesn’t really know why he says what he says next. “She’s pretty.” 

The other boy seems to be surprised by it as well, because he looks up from where he was putting sugar into his coffee. “You think so?” He asks, clearly confused by Kyungsoo’s statement. He watches Kyungsoo intently, as if waiting for a reaction.

Kyungsoo merely nods. He doesn’t like how this converstation is going even if it’s all his fault. He’s scared of Jongin’s words. “Don’t you agree?” He asks then, biting at his lip worriedly.

The younger almost looks flustered as he shrugs. “Uh, yeah. I guess.” He mumbles and Kyungsoo thinks he understands what’s going on. Jongin has a crush on her? 

“You could still ask her out?” Kyungsoo says, knuckles white where his fingers are nervously clenching the fabric of his shirt underneath the table. He doesn’t mean to say those things. He doesn’t _mean_ those things. His stomach flips nervously while he gauges Jongin’s reaction. 

“What?” Jongin is shaking his head. “Hyung, no...” He trails off, out of words. Kyungsoo feels bad. He really does. But isn’t that what he was supposed to do? That’s what friends do. He’s just... Jongin is shy, Kyungsoo was trying to encourage him-

No, no he wasn’t. What is Kyungsoo doing? 

Kyungsoo gulps but the pain in his throat won’t ease off. “Is it because you’re leaving soon?” He goes on. He doesn’t stop talking because he’s never known how to keep his mouth shut. “That shouldn’t keep you from-“

“Hyung!” Jongin doesn’t sound harsh, Kyungsoo almost wishes he would, but his voice is louder this time and it almost sounds like an accusation, the way he says it. 

They look at each other for what seems like hours but in reality it’s just a few seconds filled with Kyungsoo ready to bolt any second as he’s messed it all up once again. Jongin sighs, looking into his coffee as he shakes his head. “I’m not interested in her like that.”

“Oh.” Kyungsoo says. He doesn’t feel relieved. He feels stupid and tired. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t even my place to say that.” 

Jongin looks up again at his tone, sighing. “No that’s okay.” He says, giving him a small smile. “But you should know why not. I mean...” Jongin gulps. “I don’t know if you care...”

“Of course I do” Kyungsoo says and he almost reaches out to touch his fingers to Jongin’s hands which are clutching the cup so hard he fears that it might shatter.

The younger smiles but it’s sad and Kyungsoo doesn’t like it. “I wanted to tell you something back in the plane but.. it seemed like a weird thing to share with someone you barely know.” He says and he sounds not very sure about what he’s saying.

“You don’t have to tell me, Jongin. If it’s too personal or if you feel uncomfortable-“

“No. I want you to know. I haven’t told anyone... in quite a time.” He’s biting at his lip and Kyungsoo can tell how nervous the younger is. 

Kyungsoo keeps quiet, trying to give him the time he needs to find the words to tell him... whatever it is that’s making him feel so anxious. 

“Okay.” Jongin finally speaks up after he takes a sip from his coffee. “Okay. Remember what I told you in the plane, about- about my parents?”

“Yes...” Kyungsoo trails off, not entirely sure which part Jongin is talking about but of course Kyungsoo remembers.

Jongin nods. “Well, I wasn’t entirely honest. I told you my parents refused to pay for my education because they didn’t support my dancing.”

Kyungsoo nods. “Which is very stupid of them.”

It makes Jongin smile a bit. “Yeah… but, well. That’s not entirely true. There’s another reason. I… uh.“ Jongin’s hand comes up to scratch at his hair and he looks so uncomfortable Kyungsoo is sure that the younger will stop stalking, but he doesn’t. „I also told you about how they thought I was gay...”

Kyungsoo opens his mouth, not because he wants to say anything. He wouldn’t even know _what_ to say he just- he doesn’t know where this is going and it’s scaring him.

Jongin takes another, almost shuddering breath. “When I was seventeen, I kissed a boy at a park in our neighbourhood. We lived in this rich part of our small town. Reputation was very important and stuff, words got around very easily there.. Anyways, someone saw us that day. They told his dad who was a huge business partner of my father. He told my dad, during this big meeting.” 

“I guess he humiliated him in front all of those important people. They lost some major clients for that. Because that's what everyone was talking about for weeks... My dad felt like disowning me was the only way people would respect him again. So he gave me a year, until after I graduated from High School, before they threw me out.” Jongin snorted softly, shaking his head. 

“What I’m also trying to say is- I just. I’m not interested in Ella because I’m not... into girls.” Jongin mumbles quietly, not looking into Kyungsoo’s eyes. “That’s why.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know how long he sits there without saying anything and he’s not entirely sure what face he makes but it must be pretty bad judging by Jongin’s worried eyes. 

It’s just. 

These past two weeks, Kyungsoo’s suffered out of his own idiocy, silently sulking over the fact that he’s finally found someone he might have liked but that person turned out to be straight.

So he’s asked himself how it would’ve been, if Jongin wouldn’t have been straight. 

If Jongin were to be into men, would Kyungsoo even have been his type?

Those were questions that had haunted him as well. 

And now he knows and he feels even worse because of what Jongin went through..

“Hyung...” Kyungsoo looks up, barely, when he hears Jongin’s timid voice. “Say something.”

What is he supposed to say? 

Kyungsoo’s voice is locked up in his throat and breathing is so hard. Why is Jongin doing this to him? 

But no this is not about Kyungsoo, not at all. Jongin just told him something so private. About himself, his parents. Kyungsoo’s stomach is clenching furiously at the thought of what Jongin’s dad did to him. Kyungsoo simply can’t grasp the idea of people like Jongin’s parents existing. Jongin is such a good person. He’s so nice, so polite, he’s so talented and smart. He’s everything parents should look for in a son, Jongin deserves parents who love him dearly, with all their heart no matter who he loves, because Kyungsoo is so sure that Jongin loved them with all his heart. Kyungsoo wants to do things to anyone who's ever bad mouthed Jongin.

It almost makes him cry but he doesn’t. 

It’s just, everything is kind of too much. 

Kyungsoo can’t help but remember all his one sided crushes despite the situation. Girls and guys laughing over him. But that’s all they were, _crushes._ It hurt, of course it did, but Kyungsoo always got over it pretty quickly.

But Jongin is... Jongin is not just a crush. Jongin is a boy, a man, someone Kyungsoo wants to be his so desperately that the thought of rejection makes the lump in his throat grow even further. 

And now he knows that the possibility of them together is not that absurd after all but-

Kyungsoo knows he isn’t much. He doesn’t look very special and he’s also got not much to offer.  But he... he would love Jongin right.

He gulps heavily. Kyungsoo would love him right, if he would just give him a chance.

His eyes are stinging by the time Jongin’s fingers are in his vision before he feels them touching his chin gently. “Hyung... you’re scaring me.” Jongin whispers and that snaps Kyungsoo out of his worried state. 

“I’m sorry” He hurriedly says, shaking his head. “Jongin...” He quickly thinks about what he’s supposed to say. Pushing his feelings back is most important. He needs to show Jongin that he cares, that he’s here for him. His feelings come second. “I know you don’t want me to say sorry but I _am_ sorry for what happened. You don’t deserve any of it. You’re so... amazing, I know I keep saying that. But who you like should never, ever make you think any less about yourself. It doesn’t matter. To me it doesn’t, and it shouldn’t to others. I am proud of you. In every aspect.” 

Jongin is still touching the cups of his fingers against Kyungsoo’s jaw, so gently, and he brushes them against Kyungsoo’s skin as he draws his hand away, smiling tentatively while he does. “You’re so kind, Kyungsoo hyung. You’re so good.” Jongin says quietly, looking at him almost fondly.

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond to it, he’s not sure how to. “I’m glad you decided to tell me.” He says instead.

Jongin nods and they proceed to stare into each other’s eyes until Kyungsoo can’t take it anymore and he has to look away, down into his coffee which has to be cold by now. He takes a sip either way, just to distract himself.

“Hyung.” Jongin speaks up again after a while and Kyungsoo hums, acting calm despite the wild fluttering of his heart inside his ribcage.

It feels unreal, that he’s sitting with Jongin here in New York, still trying to deal with everything Jongin just told him. 

“Can I ask you something?” The younger asks, stiring his spoon around in his coffee and Kyungsoo follows the movement with his eyes so he doesn’t have to look into Jongin’s warm orbs instead.

“Sure.” Kyungsoo says. He knows what Jongin is going to ask. He just doesn’t know how to answer. 

Jongin looks up, he doesn’t speak, silently forcing Kyungsoo to look up too and the latter tries not to flinch when their gazes lock. “Why did you reject me?”

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. Where to begin, what to say... It's so unfair. How he could mess everything up with just one wrong word? Maybe. He doesn't know. “Jongin...”

And then-

“I like you.” Jongin blurts. Kyungsoo’s head shoots up, so fast he once again almost gives himself whiplash. The younger looks shocked and worried and he’s blushing furiously before Kyungsoo’s eyes. “Shit- I'm sorry.. I didn’t mean to.. Please don’t freak out.” He stutters anxiously while Kyungsoo still isn’t saying anything.

But the problem is, Kyungsoo _is_ freaking out.

 “You like me?” Kyungsoo manages to ask, more like squeaks - his voice gave up on him too.

Jongin looks at him for a long time, before he finally nods, sending Kyungsoo’s heart fluttering in his chest once again. 

“Are you freaking out?” Jongin mumbles almost dejectedly.

How can he not? 

“No.” Kyungsoo lies, shaking his head. “Jongin I’m not-" God, it doesn't have to be this hard. Kyungsoo is making everything always so damn hard! "Look, I rejected you because I thought you were straight and I just...”

There’s a silence between them, something Kyungsoo should fill but he doesn’t. He can’t. 

“You what?” Jongin asks and when Kyungsoo looks up he feels so bad. Jongin looks scared, he’s biting his lip and he looks so young again. 

“I was so… attracted to you.” Kyungsoo finally admits. “But you were so upset when we woke up cuddling and you were flirting with that girl-“

“ _What_?” Jongin shakes his head slowly. Kyungsoo wonders if Jongin even heard what Kyungsoo’s just admitted. “Kyungsoo... no, no _you_ were upset. You acted all weird and I thought.. you were mad. I don't know. And I wasn't flirting with her. I'm sorry if it looked like it but like, I. Uhm, _definitely_ wasn't.”

“Oh..” Kyungsoo whispers. Could it really be that Kyungsoo read literally _everything_ wrong? It wasn't so hard to believe, Kyungsoo was called dense so often... Maybe there is some truth to it after all.

“It just. I thought you weren’t interested. I mean. I still don’t know if you…” Jongin stutters nervously.

“I’m sorry. I was.“ He speaks, watching in awe how Jongin’s eyes light up the slightest bit. „I am.“

“Yeah?” Jongin whispers, cheeks dusted with a scarlet color and Kyungsoo can’t look away. He can’t quite comprehend what’s happening, his leg is shaking nervously under the table. He really wants to touch Jongin. Not in a sexual manner. Well that too but not... ugh, not right now.

He just really wants to hold him, just to see how his skin feels beneath his fingers. It feels like he’s waited for so long when it’s only been weeks. 

Kyungsoo nods. „Yeah.“

His ankle brushes Jongin’s underneath the table on accident but when their gazes lock they both break into idiotic smiles. Kyungsoo wants to hide his face behind his hands when Jongin hooks his foot around Kyungsoo’s. Someone really needs to punch him because he can’t stop acting like a little girl in love. 

Ella doesn’t punch him when she appears at their booth again but it does the job nonetheless. Kyungsoo tries not to smile at Jongin’s flustered expression, how he suddenly pays more attention to the bracelet on his left wrist more than anything, missing the raised eyebrows and shit eating grin Ella sends his way.

„Are you guys having a nice chat?“ She asks, which finally makes Jongin look up. He sends her a questioning look which she basically ignores. „Did I miss something? You’re both a bit red in the face…“ She continues, biting her lip to stop another grin from blossoming. 

„Ella“ Jongin mumbles, sounding slightly irritated and annoyed. 

Kyungsoo presses his knee against Jongin’s when the younger shoots him an apologetic look which manages to distract him enough to forget about Ella's teasing for a moment. It's stupid but it makes Kyungsoo feel really good, to know that he can have some kind of effect on Jongin too. 

„What?“ Ella shrugs. „Hey you know what?“ She exclaims, turning her attention to Kyungsoo. „I think I know who you are! My brother told me that Jongin kept complaining about a hot guy he met during his flight and how he-“

„Okay!“ Jongin interrupts her, blushing all over, sending daggers at Ella who’s positively pouting now for being interrupted. „Just get us the bill, please.“ He mutters, avoiding eye contact with Kyungsoo at all costs.

„It’s rude to interrupt people, Jongin. And it’s nothing to be embarrassed of, Kyungsoo is a really handsome man.“ Ella smiles knowingly at Kyungsoo and he smiles back weakly. He’s feeling ridiculously happy and he thinks it’s cute how shy Jongin gets sometimes, like right now. 

It makes his chest swell with affection for the younger boy. 

Jongin mumbles something under his breath when Ella complements Kyungsoo like that and the girl laughs quietly, cleaning their table before she leaves them to get their bill. 

„Is it okay if we leave?“ Jongin asks then, a bit worriedly but Kyungsoo can tell the younger boy is holding back a smile despite the situation.

„Sure.“ Kyungsoo says although he’s not sure what leaving means. Does it mean the night is over?

It’s already starting to worry him. They haven’t even talked about where they… well where they stand now. 

Ella comes back with their bill and after some arguing Jongin finally gives in as Kyungsoo won’t stop insisting on paying, his reasoning being that he’s the older of the two. Ella hugs them both when they get up to leave and she whispers something into Jongin’s ear that makes the younger blush and push her away. 

They walk out of the alley in silence but this time it’s oddly comforting with most of the questions out of the way.

Although the most important one still is hanging in the air between them heavily and they both are doing an excellent job in ignoring it.

Their hands are hovering close between their bodies, knuckles brushing together occasionally.

When their pinkies link for a second Kyungsoo reaches out, closing the distance between their hands to link their fingers together properly. He doesn’t know how he had the courage to just do that, he didn’t really think it through. 

But Jongin is smiling at the ground, he’s squeezing Kyungsoo’s smaller hand gently but in a strong grip and Kyungsoo can’t help but notice how large Jongin’s palm is. How warm and comforting it feels against his own. He has to take another deep breath as Jongin brushes his thumb over Kyungsoo’s knuckles. It makes him feel warm all over, a little smile spreading across his face at the gesture. 

It doesn’t take longer than five minutes until they’re back at the theater where the show had taken place. Jongin explains that it's a part of the campus and belongs to the school that hosted the show. 

„So… do you stay at a hotel or..?“ Kyungsoo asks when Jongin starts to slow down until they both stop walking altogether. He feels his chest constrict a bit. He doesn’t want to go. 

Jongin rubs at his neck with his free hand. „No, they gave me a room where the dorms are.“ He explains. Kyungsoo nods and he’s biting at his lip, looking down at their shoes. It’s not that bad, they’re going to say goodbye and they’ll probably see each other again. Although they haven’t exchanged numbers either. 

But… What if Jongin regrets it all? What if he just imagined those feelings during that time they’ve been apart? What if he realized tonight that he doesn’t like Kyungsoo like that but he’s just too nice to tell him otherwise-

„Are you okay?“ Jongin asks quietly. He surprises him when he suddenly pulls at Kyungsoo’s hand, bringing them closer together until the tips of their shoes are almost touching. 

„Yeah.“ Kyungsoo manages to croak out. He closes his eyes as the smell of Jongin’s body wash hits him. 

„You don’t look okay though.“ Jongin mumbles dejectedly, loosening his grip on Kyungsoo’s hand. „If it’s too much you can just say-“

„No!“ Kyungsoo exclaims, his free hand shooting out to grab onto Jongin’s shirt, preventing the other from pulling away. „Jongin, no. I’m sorry. It’s just… I can’t believe this is happening.“ He sighs, rubbing the soft fabric of Jongin’s shirt between his fingers. „We’re holding hands.“ He points out lamely. 

When he looks up he realizes that they’re standing closer than before, their noses only a breath apart. Jongin smiles down at him, so warmly, making Kyungsoo’s insides churn once again. „I know. I like that.“ The younger states and Kyungsoo chuckles quietly because it’s such a simple yet sweet thing to say. „And I also really like you.“ He then adds.

Kyungsoo wants him to stop saying things like that but he also wants him to never stop. 

„I really like you too, Jongin.“ He whispers, feeling how fast his heart is beating against his chest. There’s tension between their bodies and heat between their fingers, it all makes him feel really light headed. 

Jongin smiles, briefly. „I know I’m still young and I never… I never was in a relationship. With a man before.“ Kyungsoo watches Jongin’s face quietly, how the younger frowns at his own words, shaking his head a bit. „But I also never wanted anyone as much as I want you.“ 

The words make Kyungsoo cling harder onto Jongin’s clothes and all he wants to do now is pull Jongin against him. „You have all the reasons to say no to this, but I just… I want to prove to you how serious I am about… uh. About us. Ugh, I’m sorry, I’m talking so much shit right now-“

And now Kyungsoo pulls him in with his grip on Jongin's shirt, pressing his face against Jongin’s neck where his natural sweet smell is strongest. „Jongin, stop worrying.“ He mumbles although he’s probably the one who’s been worrying all this time. „I like you so much, even after so little time together. I want you just as much. If not more.“

It takes the younger a few seconds to react but when he does Kyungsoo has to close his eyes to stop his head from spinning. Jongin brings his free hand to Kyungsoo’s waist, pulling their lower halfs together too while he leans his head against Kyungsoo’s shoulder. There’s no space between them but Kyungsoo doesn’t want there to be. He just wants him closer. 

Jongin’s breath is warm against his skin and it has him practically trembling, with how they’re touching, how Kyungsoo can smell Jongin’s skin. How their chests and hips press together. It makes warmth spread in his chest and heat pool deep in his stomach.

„Kyungsoo…“ Jongin whispers, and Kyungsoo has to hold back a whimper when Jongin’s lips brush against his throat. It’s too much, his knees almost buckling just from the sound of Jongin’s voice, from the feeling of his soft lips touching his skin. 

„Yeah“ He says, trying to focus on the way Jongin’s muscles are shifting beneath his fingers in order to ignore the feeling of Jongin's thighs against his own.

„Do you… want to come to my room?“ Jongin asks nervously. Kyungsoo freezes a bit and Jongin seems to notice that. He makes a small noise in the back of his throat while he tries to hide his face in Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

„Jongin.“ Kyungsoo says, heart swelling at how insecure Jongin is. „Hey…“ He whispers gently when the younger refuses to look up. He brings his hand up, placing it against Jongin’s neck to make him look up. 

He does, eventually but he doesn’t open his eyes. Kyungsoo rubs his thumb over the skin below Jongin’s ear until the younger finally looks at him again. „I didn’t mean it like that…“ Jongin mumbles and Kyungsoo tries not to smile or laugh because the younger boy looks hurt already. 

„I know you didn’t.“ He says. He’s relieved when Jongin nods and stops looking so apologetic. 

Jongin’s biting at his lip for a while and Kyungsoo can’t help it when his eyes flicker down to follow the movement. He forces himself to look into Jongin’s eyes again but that’s not all that better because what he finds there is affection and things he can’t handle at the moment. „I just don’t want you to leave.“ Jongin mumbles quietly, fingers twitching against Kyungsoo's hip.

Leaving is almost impossible, not only because Jongin is looking at him like _that_ or because his touch is sending shivers through his bodybut because they’re still holding hands, and it still feels amazing and Kyungsoo doesn't want to let go. He really doesn’t want to leave.

So.. he just doesn’t. 

 

 

x

 


	5. Five

  

x

 

 

Kyungsoo is twenty-one years old, turning twenty-two very soon, and yet he’s getting all flustered about Jongin not letting of his hand while they’re walking across the campus. 

 

It’s summer break, Jongin explains, which is why there aren’t that much students hanging around and it’s also kind of late. But there are still enough people watching their entwined hands curiously, some girls smiling, some guys frowning, some nodding their heads at Jongin in a silent greeting. 

 

„You’ve only been here for three weeks and everyone already knows you.“ Kyungsoo mumbles as Jongin holds open the door for him. 

 

The younger chuckles, following him into the building and guiding him towards the stairs. „That’s not true.“ He replies, humble as always.

 

Kyungsoo gives him an unimpressed look, lifting his eyebrows which makes Jongin laugh cutely and he feels immensely proud of himself to have caused that. 

 

„Well, okay.. The show is just really important to the people here. And since I got quite a big part in it they know who I am. That’s it.“ Jongin explains. 

 

„If you say so.“ Kyungsoo answers and Jongin shakes his head, smiling. They pass a few students in the halls but Kyungsoo is much more distracted by how he can feel Jongin staring at the side of his face. „Stop…“ He mumbles when Jongin keeps his eyes on him as if he’s doing it on purpose, just to see how flustered Kyungsoo gets.

 

„What?“ Jongin chuckles and when Kyungsoo side eyes him he sees how the boy is grinning at him sheepishly, making him want to blush and look away but he doesn’t. God, he never knew he was the type to blush this much. It’s ridiculous what Jongin is doing to his mind and body, really. 

 

If it were Baekhyun, Kyungsoo would have that boy in a chokehold by now for teasing him like this but this is… this is _Jongin._  

 

Jongin who makes his heart flutter with just the sound of his voice. Who makes something erupt in his stomach with a simple flutter of his lashes. Who makes Kyungsoo feel like _this_ with those intense glances he’s giving him. 

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer, knows it’s just going to lead to more teasing so he starts walking a bit faster for his own sake. Jongin catches up with him quickly, legs much longer than Kyungsoo’s.

 

„Sorry hyung. But you’re.. hard not to look at.“ Jongin mumbles into his ear. Kyungsoo shakes his head, biting back an embarrassed smile when they pass a group of girls who are holding cups in their hands, offering them one but they both recline politely. 

 

„Don’t say things like that.“ Kyungsoo says while they climb up another set of stairs.

 

He doesn’t mean it. He wouldn’t mind hearing those words spilling out of Jongin’s pretty mouth forever. 

 

„But it’s true.“ Jongin says and when Kyungsoo looks over all the traces of the teasing smile are gone, replaced by something small and fond that Kyungsoo doesn’t want to read too much into as it makes his chest feel all tight and fluttery.

 

Jongin smiles sheepishly, he’s so unbelievably gorgeous it makes Kyungsoo almost gape like an utter idiot whenever the younger so much as looks in his direction. He wants to tell Jongin just how handsome he is, how sweet and perfect and how he makes his heart beat faster by just being close to him.

 

But it’s probably to soon for that. 

 

„This way..“ Jongin says, doesn’t notice how Kyungsoo smiles when he places a palm to the base of Kyungsoo’s spine to guide him. 

 

He leads the way to a door at the end of the hallway, putting his key in to open it. 

 

Kyungsoo enters timidly, waiting for Jongin to get comfortable. The younger turns on the lights and it’s… well, it’s a simple dorm.

 

There’s a small bed to the right, a couch in the left corner and a desk in between under the window. There’s also a door on the right which Kyungsoo assumes is the bathroom. It’s actually quite nice, at least the furniture looks new and the walls are plain white, not painted in odd colors like his dorm used to be back in Korea before he moved out and into his apartment with Baekhyun. 

 

He looks up then, sees Jongin just standing there, staring at him with an expression that gives nothing away.

 

They look at each other for a few silent seconds before it gets too much, both of them breaking into shy smiles and Kyungsoo is the first to turn away, looking at the floor. 

 

„Are you hungry?“ Jongin asks then and it’s only now that Kyungsoo realizes how he didn’t even have dinner yet and it's almost 9 p.m. 

 

„Well, do you have food?“ Kyungsoo asks back and Jongin pulls a face, hiding his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

 

Kyungsoo grins. 

 

„I bought some ramen?“ Jongin tilts his head when Kyungsoo doesn’t stop grinning and then the younger groans, hiding his face behind his forearms.

 

Kyungsoo frowns, feeling bad because he thinks that he made Jongin feel embarrassed. „No ramen is okay Jongin-“ Kyungsoo starts but Jongin shakes his head, moving his arms a bit so only his eyes are visible. 

 

„You look so cute when you smile.“ Jongin mumbles which results in Kyungsoo stopping to smile right away, too flustered to even react to his words. „You’re so cute.“

 

„Stop saying that“ Kyungsoo grumbles, cheeks heating up. „I’m twenty-one, I’m not supposed to be cute..“

 

„But I like it.“ Jongin shrugs, taking a step closer. Kyungsoo doesn't really understand how Jongin can be shy but straight forward at the same time. It’s doing things to him and it’s just not okay. 

 

„Let’s just go eat.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, already turning around. He hears Jongin chuckle behind him and it makes him smile and he briefly thinks that’s it been quite a while since he’s smiled so much. 

 

 

x

 

 

 

„I don’t understand. There’s not so much you can do wrong..“ Kyungsoo is frowning from where he’s filling a pot with tap water. 

 

Jongin just told him how he once didn’t add enough water and burned his mother’s favorite pot and how he stuck to boiling water with a kettle ever since. 

 

Kyungsoo looks over his shoulder when the younger doesn’t say anything and the pot almost slips out of his hand. Jongin has his arms crossed over his chest and he is _pouting._ Kyungsoo chuckles, turning the water off to put the pot on the stove. 

 

He feels a deep urge to kiss the pout away. 

 

„Come here, I’ll show you.“ He says instead and he has to wait a few seconds because Jongin is grumbling but he's standing beside him after a while, standing close enough for their arms to touch. 

 

„Look, it’s easy, the amount of water has that least cover the noodles. You can’t actually put too much water into it, you know. And you know what happens when you don’t put in enough already..“

 

Jongin rolls his eyes, nudging his arm into Kyungsoo’s. „Gee, thanks for the advice.“ 

 

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, putting some distance between their bodies. „Well, sorry. I was just trying to help.“ 

 

And Kyungsoo isn’t actually upset, he was trying to joke, but Jongin seems to think that he actually hurt Kyungsoo’s feelings because the younger’s eyes suddenly widen and he starts flailing a little.

 

He looks like a lost little puppy. 

 

„Hyung, no I appreciate it, you’re a great cook, honestly I can learn so much from you-“ He stops suddenly, tilting his head, because Kyungsoo’s eyes turn into small crescents and his mouth stretches into this big smile and he’s seconds away from dying of laughter. Jongin looks at him just the way he looked back in the café when Kyungsoo told him that he liked him too.

 

His laughter dies down eventually but Jongin keeps looking at him like that and Kyungsoo feels a little hot around his neck. „I was just… joking.“ He mumbles but he trails off a bit, Jongin moves around so he’s standing behind Kyungsoo, a little too close.

 

The younger places his hands on his arms, gently turning him around and Kyungsoo complies. It’s weird, he’s still nervous around the other boy, all of this is so new and he doesn’t know what they are now but it’s just different, knowing that Jongin actually might feel the same way. 

 

It takes away some of his insecurities and leaves behind a slightly careless heart and mind.

 

Kyungsoo takes a step back after he’s facing the other, his hip bumping into the counter behind him. In any other situation it would make him feel upset, how he has to crane his neck back in order to look into Jongin’s face, but he can’t really focus on anything but Jongin’s presence right now. 

 

„You have to stop looking at me like that.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, cheeks heating up as the corners of Jongin’s lips twitch into a shy little smirk. 

 

He lifts his hands to place them against Kyungsoo’s hips. „But I can’t…“ He says timidly, taking another step closer until their legs bump. Kyungsoo looks away, down to where his knees are touching Jongin’s shins, once again realizing just how small he is for his age. „Hyung…“

 

The way he says it, almost whining, forces Kyungsoo to look up and into his eyes and he just can’t stop a stupid and fond smile from spreading across his face at the sight of Jongin’s face. He also can’t stop the churning in his stomach or the way his fingers are itching to reach out and touch.

 

So he just doesn’t try to stop it. He’s never been a very expressive person, never was very touch feely. He never took the first step, never initiated a kiss. So it’s a little new and unsure, when he runs his knuckles across Jongin’s stomach, feeling the way the muscles move underneath his touch.

 

He looks up to gauge Jongin’s reaction, to see if it’s okay, but the younger is biting his lip, still smiling so he thinks it must be. 

 

Jongin moves his hands over the fabric of Kyungsoo’s shirt, barely touching until he places his palms against the small of his back, pulling him closer and away from the counter. 

 

Kyungsoo likes the feeling of his warm hands on him, of their bodies fitting together just right, a wave of Jongin’s scent filling his senses like it did before when they were in a similar position outside. He moves his hands too because at the moment they build some kind of barrier between them and he doesn’t want that. He glides them over Jongin’s broad chest and he wants to linger there, brush his fingers over the expanse of his torso but he’s not brave enough yet. 

 

It all feels intimate when he finally places them on Jongin’s back, wrapping his arms around his middle. 

 

It’s quiet in the kitchen, just the soft boiling noises from the water in the background, some people laughing outside and Jongin’s steady breathing against his ear from where the younger has leaned down a bit. 

 

„You’re warm, hyung…“ Jongin mumbles and it makes Kyungsoo smile, once again. It’s such a simple thing to say yet it feels like the greatest compliment anyone has ever given him, makes his chest feel light and airy. He puts his forehead against Jongin’s collarbone, nuzzling there and Jongin leans down to burry his head against his neck and it’s just perfect.

 

It feels nice, to have Jongin’s lean body against him, holding him like this, feeling his warmth seep into his skin. He feels content when Jongin starts nosing at his neck.

 

„You smell nice.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, burying his face deeper into Jongin’s shoulder, maybe out of insecurity and maybe just because he wants to be closer. He feels the younger smile against his skin, whispering a small _thank you_ there. 

 

They stand like that, for a while, just holding each other and Kyungsoo thinks how lucky he is, if this should be something real, something solid. 

 

He still doubts Jongin’s feelings, he still isn’t sure if Jongin isn’t messing with him even if the younger seems too sweet for that. He just… doesn’t know if Jongin is trying to figure something out, to see if he actually likes Kyungsoo. Or maybe to see if he likes men at all, he’s never been with one before, how can he be so sure-

 

But he doesn’t want to think about that, at least not for now, and Jongin is sighing deeply and Kyungsoo feels it agains his own chest, and then he feels something softer touch his neck and throat and it takes him a moment to realize that it’s Jongin’s lips and that effectively erases any doubt in his mind for the moment.

 

He just closes his eyes, tightening his arms around Jongin to pull their bodies closer together. 

 

After a moment of hesitation, when Jongin knows that Kyungsoo isn’t going to pull away, the butterfly touches of his lips turn into gentle kisses, trailing across Kyungsoo’s skin like little spots that heat up when rays of the sun are burning brightly across bodies on a summer day.

 

He shivers, his body reacting to it more than his mind wants to as he tips his head back a bit, giving the other more space to do what he does right now because he doesn’t want him to stop. 

 

Jongin makes a happy sound, his hands on his back gripping tighter, pulling them together more firmly and Kyungsoo’s hands wander up to bury his fingers into Jongin’s soft hair, pulling his head closer against his skin. 

 

Maybe this is moving too fast, they haven’t… 

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what they are, doesn’t know what will happen to them after tonight but at the moment his entire body is tingling with a kind of aching heat in his stomach and his breathing is getting faster while Jongin’s kisses travel higher, over his jaw and towards his face. 

 

He feels Jongin's warm breath against his skin and smiles when the younger hums happily against a spot just below his ear. 

 

Kyungsoo wants to kiss him so bad, he wants Jongin to move his lips to where he needs them when their hips brush against each other as well and this _is_ moving too fast, Jongin’s never been with a guy before and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to handle this when there are some kind of feelings from both sides involved. But it’s like Jongin makes any rational thought vanish with just a simple touch to his bare skin. 

 

Jongin pulls back slightly, face just a breath away, to look into his eyes. Kyungsoo wonders if his own looks as dark as Jongin’s but it doesn’t really matter, it just makes more heat pool deep in his stomach, seeing how Jongin is looking at him, warm and intense orbs soaking up his feautures. He gulps nervously.

 

No one has really looked at him like that. 

 

And now Jongin’s eyes travel down to Kyungsoo’s lips-

 

And then-

 

„ _Fuck!_ “ Kyungsoo curses suddenly when something hot touches his arm and it’s only then that he hears the wildly boiling water, how it’s spilling over and making hissing noises against the hot stove. 

 

Jongin pulls away with a grimace and Kyungsoo quickly puts the pot to the side, lowering the heat. His arm is still burning a bit but it wasn’t enough hot water to really do any damage.

 

„Are you okay?“ Jongin asks, taking his arm to inspect the reddened skin with a worried look on his face.

 

Kyungsoo’s heart is racing, he’s not sure if it’s from the shock or from what they’d been doing before that. It’s like he can’t think straight as soon as Jongin is touching him because now he just feels embarrassed and when he looks up and their eyes lock he knows that Jongin must feel the same as his cheeks have turned a deep scarlet.

 

„It’s nothing.“ Kyungsoo chuckles nervously, eyes following Jongin’s fingers, how he’s brushing them against his skin. 

 

Jongin looks like a kicked puppy. „I’m sorry.“ 

 

Kyungsoo smiles. „Hey, come on. I’m fine. Let’s finish this and then we eat, okay?“ 

 

But Jongin still looks a bit sad, as if it was his fault that Kyungsoo got burned. They both got a bit carried away, it wasn’t like Jongin forced himself on him or anything. So Kyungsoo reaches a hand up to cradle his cheek, and he smiles again, leaning up to press his lips softly against Jongin’s cheek.

 

And when he pulls away Jongin gapes at him for a moment before his beautiful, stupid smile spreads across his face, making Kyungsoo want to pull him into his arms again because he’s just so endearing. 

 

Kyungsoo pushes the feeling away, turning around to finally cook their dinner that should’ve only taken a few minutes to prepare and not an entire hour. He feels Jongin lingering behind him and it’s a little bit nerve wrecking but he’s not a teenager anymore, he has to remind himself that a lot lately, so he keeps stirring the noodles until they soak up the water and ignores the prickling feeling of Jongin’s eyes against his neck.

 

They quickly clean up before taking their bowls to eat in Jongin’s room. They could’ve eaten in the kitchen, it’s not like there are a lot of students around and honestly, Kyungsoo feels conflicted about being alone with Jongin in his room.

 

One side of him is excited, like _so_ excited, and another part of him just wants to run away and into the next taxi home for the sake of his sanity. 

 

They sit on the couch and Jongin turns his laptop on and the screen lights up to a paused screen, and Kyungsoo thinks he recognizes the faces and it takes him a moment to realize that it’s the actors of this one K-drama Baekhyun watches. 

 

Jongin almost chokes on his noodles, his fingers fumbling to close the screen and it’s cute, how flustered he gets over such a stupid thing. 

 

Kyungsoo sometimes watches some of them with Baekhyun. He once even did a stupid marathon where they watched every single episode of this one Drama where this girl got the hiccups whenever she lied. 

 

It was his birthday present to Baekhyun which is a bit shitty, thinking about it, but he’d been very broke then and Baekhyun had been nagging him for an entire year to watch the show with him so when he finally agreed his best friend had almost teared up from happiness. 

 

„Hey, don’t. Let’s watch it.“ Kyungsoo says, putting more noodles into his mouth. 

 

Jongin raises his eyebrows at him, his eyes still a bit watery. Looks like he choked on some spice as well. How cute.. 

 

„You watch K-dramas?“ Jongin asks. 

 

Kyungsoo shrugs. „Sometimes.“ 

 

Jongin looks at him for another moment before he shrugs, pressing play on the screen and then leans back with his bowl on his lap. He’s changed into a pair of grey shorts and Kyungsoo feels weird for staring but he can’t help but think how nice Jongin’s legs are. They’re so long and slim but his calves look muscular too and there’s just something about his leg hair-

 

Okay, now it’s weird.

 

He scoops the last bite of noodles into his mouth to distract his mind and tries to focus on what’s going on in the drama. But he can’t really get into it, even after ten minutes of staring intently at the screen. 

 

And he’s not sure, but from the way Jongin keeps fidgeting beside him it almost looks as if the younger isn’t paying much attention to it either. 

 

But they don’t do anything about it, unspoken questions and tingling tension filling the entire room into some kind of awkwardness that Kyungsoo is sure Jongin has to be aware of it too. 

 

The younger only moves his leg a bit until their knees are pressed together and it helps easing the tension from Kyungsoo's back.

 

It’s about ten minutes into the next episode of the drama that Kyungsoo decides to break the silence. 

 

„Jongin?“ He mumbles and the other boy turns his head, he looks a little sleepy and it’s just cute. 

 

„Yeah?“ Kyungsoo sees how Jongin is fighting back a yawn and it makes him smile softly. 

 

He’s just going to ask.

 

„Do you want to go on a date with me?“

 

The asking part was easy, came out quickly, but the way Jongin is staring at him right now is not. Kyungsoo feels a weird feeling settle in his stomach slowly. Maybe he should’ve waited with asking. Maybe it’s moving too fast for Jongin. 

 

God, why is Jongin looking at him as if Kyungsoo has just slapped himself in the face? 

 

Kyungsoo waits an entire minute or maybe it’s less but his courage fades with every passing second until something presses down on his chest, making him want to take his words back. Jongin obviously isn’t ready, he doesn’t want to go out with Kyungsoo. 

 

Okay..

 

„Just.. forget I asked.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, trying to keep his voice steady and careless and he puts on a smile for good measure. He turns back to the screen where the drama is still playing and he tries to figure out if he feels hurt or rejected. He’s just really confused… 

 

Jongin makes a frustrated sound beside him and then there are fingers on Kyungsoo’s face, pulling him around to make him look into Jongin’s face. He’s pouting again. 

 

„Are you okay?“ Kyungsoo asks, frowning at the younger. 

 

„You weren’t supposed to ask me.“ Jongin sighs, fingers brushing across Kyungsoo’s cheeks softly.

 

Kyungsoo tilts his head. „Why?“ 

 

„Because I wanted to ask you!“ Jongin explains, arching his eyebrows a little as if it’s something that Kyungsoo was supposed to know. But the latter doesn’t really care, Jongin looks endearing with this frustrated look on his face and he makes Kyungsoo feel warm all over again with the way he’s cradling his cheeks. 

 

„But you were being so quiet, how was I supposed to know?“ Kyungsoo asks, trying not to laugh. 

 

Jongin looks away, cheeks tainted scarlet once again. „I was thinking about how I was going to ask…“ 

 

His lips stretch into yet another smile while Jongin is talking and he doesn’t know if he wants to pinch the younger’s cheeks or roll his eyes but he knows it’s just going to upset the younger further. He shifts a bit so he’s sitting sideways on the couch, facing Jongin. „Okay, I take it back. So.. you can ask. If you want.“

 

It feels a bit ridiculous, as if they’re still in High School but thinking about it, it’s not been too long for Jongin since he graduated. And also, Kyungsoo has the feeling that this is important for Jongin and that’s what matters the most. 

 

Jongin turns around too, hands grasping his cheeks more firmly and when he finally looks up to lock their gazes it looks like the younger is biting his cheek to stop himself from smiling. Kyungsoo is trying the same but he fails a bit. „Kyungsoo hyung.. would you like to go on a date with me?“ 

 

Kyungsoo almost snorts because Jongin basically asked him the same thing he did but he doesn’t find it in himself to do. 

 

"It's your fault! I wanted to say something really sweet- and nice.. and now I forgot." Jongin mutters and Kyungsoo _will_ kiss him if he pouts now again but luckily, he doesn't

 

It’s the first time someone’s ever really asked him out. His other relationships just kind of happened, without really labeling it or making things official. And Kyungsoo’s never been on a proper date either, so it’s all a bit new to him. 

 

He reaches his hand out, his index finger catching on Jongin’s collar. He places his palm there, brushing his fingers over the dark fabric. Then he looks up, finding Jongin’s expecting eyes on him already. „Yeah, I’d like that.“ He says, keeping his face neutral to wait for Jongin’s reaction. 

 

The younger doesn’t even try to hide his glee, grinning widely at him and Kyungsoo can’t help but smile back. He just feels really happy… 

 

So he leans forward and pulls at Jongin’s shirt at the same time, pressing his lips against Jongin’s cheek gently, lingering there for a moment before he pulls back to find Jongin still smiling, just a little smaller and more private. 

 

Jongin suddenly wraps his arms around Kyungsoo, pulling so close until he almost topples over and Kyungsoo is about to complain when Jongin whines. „Hyung! Sit on my lap.“ 

 

It’s just a simple sentence, an innocent request but Kyungsoo can’t help but blush at Jongin’s words. 

 

He’s heard the words before, just in another context and situation and the tips of his ears are burning thinking about it. He doesn’t look Jongin in the eyes, his hand still tangled in his shirt as he slowly crawls over to position his legs comfortably before he lowers his bum on Jongin’s thighs. 

 

While Kyungsoo feels embarrassed about the position Jongin seems pretty satisfied and unknowing of Kyungsoo's inner struggle, his hands coming to rest on his sides, pinching him there to make him look up and into Jongin’s eyes again 

 

„I’m supposed to be the shy and awkward one here…“ Jongin smiles once he manages to catch Kyungsoo’s gaze. 

 

„I’m not awkward.“ Kyungsoo answers, frowning down at him because for once he’s the one who’s craning his neck down to look Jongin in the eyes. It feels pretty nice. 

 

„Yeah, okay.“ Jongin laughs sarcastically and Kyungsoo wants to smack and kiss him.

 

He doesn’t understand how they slipped into this so quickly, from this awkward mess they’d been only hours before and now Jongin is teasing him and well they’re… doing _this._

 

Not that he’s complaining. He likes having Jongin so close. 

 

„I’m your hyung, have some respect.“ Kyungsoo grumbles, fingers playing with the pocket of Jongin’s shirt, trying to figure out if it actually is a pocket or if it’s just sewed on for decoration. Or maybe he’s just distracting himself from Jongin’s roaming fingers which are lingering around his hips now. 

 

„You’re right. I’m sorry.“ Jongin pulls him in, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s middle to hug him close. He buries his face in his neck once again, nuzzling there and sending a shiver down Kyungsoo’s spine.

 

It feels warm and comfortable and better now that his heart isn’t running a 100 kilometers an hour.  The tingling feeling in his stomach is as present as ever but he doubts that will go away any time soon.

 

He doesn’t _want_ it to go away, to be honest. 

 

He sighs, bringing his arms up to wrap them around Jongin’s neck and leans his head down to rest it against his shoulder. 

 

„Do you think we would’ve met if we didn’t come to New York?“ Jongin asks against the expanse of his neck, rubbing his palms over Kyungsoo’s back warmly.

 

Kyungsoo shrugs. „I don’t know.“ He smiles then, thinking about something. „You know, it’s the first time my fear of flying was good for something. I probably wouldn’t have been sitting there otherwise. So maybe we wouldn’t have been seat neighbors.“ 

 

Jongin hums, seemingly thinking about Kyungsoo's words. „I think we would’ve been either way. I’m pretty sure it’s fate that we met.“ He says and Kyungsoo can feel him smile against his skin. 

 

He snorts a bit. „You believe in fate?“ 

 

Jongin shrugs. „I don’t know.. It depends, I guess.“

 

„On what?“ Kyungsoo asks, fingers playing with the soft hair on Jongin’s neck. He's momentarily distracted by the feeling of Jongin’s heart beating against his own chest.

 

„On what happens when we get back home.“ Jongin says quietly and the word ‚home‘ makes something swell in his chest. 

  
It’s weird.. by _home_ he means Korea. But their actual homes are far away from the other's, even back there. Kyungsoo can't help but frown. Did they just jump into something without thinking it through? Will this even work out? Does this seem awesome here but will lose it's magic once they're back in Korea?

 

And will Kyungsoo ever stop worrying?

 

Probably not. 

 

„We go on a date.“ Kyungsoo suggests which makes the younger boy chuckle, his chest vibrating with it. „And then on other dates, if you’re lucky.“

 

„I would be lucky, yes.“ Jongin says, making Kyungsoo feel warm all over. He doesn’t understand how Jongin can say things like that. 

 

He turns his head, pressing it against Jongin’s throat. He wants to kiss him there. Jongin’s arms tighten around him when he presses his lips against the side of his throat, not really kissing, just touching… He likes how his skin feels on his lips. 

 

Jongin laughs when Kyungsoo starts peppering his skin with kisses, pulling him closer until they’re almost crushing each other and it’s just careless and perfect. Kyungsoo pulls back, still smiling like an idiot when he’s done attacking Jongin and he feels his heart flutter when he looks at him because the boy looks so comfortable and something else, but it’s too soon to think about that. 

 

Their smiles fade soon and Kyungsoo knows what’s about to happen when he sees how Jongin’s eyes drop to his mouth, a blush creeping up his neck. When the younger’s gaze flickers up to his again, his eyes look a bit hooded. 

 

It’s like Jongin’s asking him and Kyungsoo nods without really knowing the question.

 

Jongin leans up then, not rushing into it as if he’s waiting for Kyungsoo to do the same and he does, his hands tightening around Jongin’s neck while he leans down. 

 

He feels Jongin's warm breath on his lips and it makes him shudder against him. It's too much to take in, his fingers starting to shake from how he can hear Jongin's breath getting faster even with their mouths still apart. He buries them in Jongin's hair to keep them still, moves on the other's lap to get closer until their chests are almost touching and Kyungsoo wonders if Jongin's heart is beating as insanely fast as his own. 

 

And then he tilts his head and their lips brush, just once and he hears Jongin huff out a breath before he's kissing him.

 

Their lips glide over each other slowly, Kyungsoo tightening his grip on Jongin's silky hair when his bottom lip gets caught between Jongin's.

 

It's so simple but it settles something inside him. It’s easy, and soft and it feels like Jongin’s kiss is pouring warm liquid into his chest, making it feel light and all fluttery. He holds on a bit tighter, even when Jongin pulls away again, breath labored against his mouth as his lips stretch into a dopey smile. 

 

Kyungsoo is sure he doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve someone like _Jongin,_ but Kyungsoo just never wants to stop kissing him again after this.

 

So he leans back in, because one kiss isn’t enough, and Jongin doesn't protest, he gasps before their lips meet and his hands pull Kyungsoo closer by the waist. He moves his lips slowly against Kyungsoo's and the sound of their kissing is the only sound in the room, softly smacking whenever they pull apart and it makes Kyungsoo's thighs clench around Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo breathes heavily through his nose, feeling Jongin’s warmth against his lips, a bit wet but so _good._

 

He doesn’t realize what he’s doing, how he’s almost towering over Jongin with the way he’s straddling him and the kiss turns into something else soon when Jongin’s hands travel lower, to the hem of his shirt. He hesitates before he slips his fingers underneath it, touching them against Kyungsoo’s skin. 

 

The contact makes him arch into Jongin and the latter makes a sound back in his throat that makes him feel hot all over.

 

This isn’t supposed to go any further but he’s just a human and there’s heat gathering between his legs from the feeling of Jongin’s palms running across his bare skin and his wet tongue touching his lips, his hot breath coming out in puffs against his wet mouth.

 

Kyungsoo presses closer, Jongin's hands travel higher underneath his shirt, and he flinches, whining low in his throat when he feels something touching him between his legs. 

 

...

 

It's Jongin's bulge, and it feels hard and Kyungsoo has to bite his lip so hard to not do anything stupid now.

 

Alarm bells ring in his mind because all his body wants to do is push down and into it. Jongin groans softly, hips jerking while he’s pressing sweet kisses against Kyungsoo's throat, tongue darting out-

 

And then it all stops when something starts buzzing in Kyungsoo’s back pocket, making both of them jump. 

 

Kyungsoo jerks back quickly, breathing heavily. He doesn’t know if he wants to curse or thank whoever interrupted them. 

 

He’s struggling to pull his phone out of his tight jeans and has to bite his lip to stop himself from grinning because Jongin’s face looks like a tomato, lips red and shiny with spit. 

 

„Yes?“ He says once he’s picked up the call. He’s trying to not sound like he’s just been making out, therefore trying hardly to get his breathing back to normal.

 

„Kyung, where are you? It’s almost midnight!“ He hears Joonmyun’s worried voice. 

 

He pulls the phone away from his ear to look at the screen and check the time and is surprised to see that Joonmyun’s right. He hasn’t even noticed how much time had passed. 

 

„I’m still with Jongin. Sorry hyung, I kind of forgot about the time…“ He mumbles, feeling a bit bad. Joonmyun gets worried really quickly. 

 

„Where are you guys?“ Joonmyun asks.

 

„At Jongin's dorm.“ Kyungsoo answers, biting at his lip. He doesn’t want to sound like they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing. Even though they’re allowed to do whatever they want. 

 

But this is _Joonmyun_. 

 

„Okay. So uh… should I come pick you up or are you planning on staying…?“

 

Kyungsoo is shaking his head before he really thinks about it. „No, I’m not staying-“

 

But then he sees how Jongin is shaking his head frantically, and then the boy is starting to pout, looking up at him with pleading eyes which distracts Kyungsoo so much that he misses the next thing Joonmyun says to him.

 

He shakes his head. „Sorry what did you say?“

 

„I asked if you want me to pick you up?“ Joonmyun repeats and Kyungsoo hears him sigh, can basically see him rolling his eyes.

 

Kyungsoo worries his lip between his teeth and looks into Jongin’s warm eyes and can’t help but smile. „No it’s okay. I’ll just come back in the morning if that’s okay? It’s safer and all…“ 

 

Joonmyun sighs on the other end. „Well then. Stay _safe_ anyway, Kyungsoo. If you know what I mean."

 

Kyungsoo frowns, shaking his head. „I’m going to ignore that.“

 

„Don’t make me have the safe sex talk with you Kyung, you’re twenty-one for god’s sake you need to start carrying condoms with you-“

 

„Goodnight hyung.“ Kyungsoo hisses into his phone hurriedly before he ends the call. He just doesn’t like thinking about anything sexual in relation with Joonmyun, it’s _disturbing-_

 

Jongin clears his throat, still a little red around his neck. „So.. what did he say?“ 

 

„He said hello.“ Kyungsoo lies, putting his phone away. 

 

The younger nods, and it’s only now that he lowers his hands, pulls the out from underneath Kyungsoo’s Shirt. It’s really cute, how he gently pulls the shirt down again, making sure to cover his skin again. „Sorry hyung… I kind of lost myself a little.“ 

 

Kyungsoo smiles, brushing some hair out of Jongin’s face. „It’s okay. But we don’t have to rush things.. we have time, right?“ 

 

Jonging looks up and smiles again, brightly and sincerely. „Yeah, we have.“ He leans up to peck Kyungsoo on his temple and then pats his hips. "Get up, I'll give you something comfortable to wear." 

 

It turns out to be quite a challenge to find something that fits Kyungsoo. The shirts cover his entire bum and also half of his thighs and even Jongin's short sweatpants come down to his shins and it all just looks really stupid. Kyungsoo feels like a sack of potatoes and he doesn't want to look like this when Jongin is around. He doesn't want to scare him away because he looks like a child in his clothes. 

 

He tells Jongin just that and Jongin laughs for half a minute and Kyungsoo briefly thinks that the boy is lucky he's so cute because anyone else would be suffering by now. They settle on a pair of boxers that rather look like shorts on Kyungsoo when Jongin has finally calmed down (and apologized). Kyungsoo is still swimming in it but at least he feels more comfortable.

 

He sits on the couch and feels a little weird without Jongin around, who’s in the bathroom. It gives him time to think and that’s not good.

 

Thinking leads to worrying, and worrying results in freaking the hell outand he really doesn’t need that right now. 

 

So he’s more than happy when Jongin comes back, smiling warmly when they look at each other. 

 

Kyungsoo stands up and walks over to him, chuckling because there’s some toothpaste stuck to the corner of Jongin’s mouth and he quickly wipes it away with his thumb. Jongin groans, embarrassed and pulls him closer to his chest.

 

It’s almost one in the morning by now and Jongin’s eyes are as swollen as they were back in the airport. Kyungsoo brushes his fingers over the dark circles, kissing them softly and Jongin hums happily, closing his eyes at the gesture and almost falling asleep standing. 

 

„You look exhausted.“ Kyungsoo mumbles and Jongin sighs heavily, leaning down to nuzzle his neck. He does that a lot. Good thing Kyungsoo likes it so much. 

 

„Do I? I don’t feel tired..“ Jongin says and then yawns seconds later. Kyungsoo laughs, pushing at his chest and then guides him to his bed. 

 

„You have to sleep. You’ve worked hard lately.“ Kyungsoo says, slapping Jongin’s protesting hands away when he pushes the younger down onto his bed. 

 

„I don’t want to.“ Jongin whines and then actually makes grabby hands towards Kyungsoo. „Come here.“

 

Kyungsoo chuckles, lowering himself onto the bed next to Jongin without laying down. „You’re impossible.“ It comes out too fond, maybe Jongin notices that too as there’s a little smirk on his face. 

 

„I like how you look in my clothes hyung.“ He says, pulling at Kyungsoo’s arm gently until the other gives in and slides under the covers. 

 

Jongin looks good like this, features soft and the small lamp on the bedside table casting shadows across his face. It seems like he’s done teasing Kyungsoo. Maybe it’s the exhaustion that finally kicks in or maybe the little glare Kyungsoo sends his way but they’re both starting to whisper, shift a little closer on their sides, gazing into each other’s faces. 

 

Kyungsoo snuggles closer which makes Jongin throw an arm around his waist, pulling him in until they're pressed together. 

 

The window is wide open, a small breeze cooling their heated skin because otherwise this would be kind of uncomfortable in this kind of summer heat. 

 

„Kyungsoo“ Jongin whispers and it feels weird when Jongin calls him by his name. He’s used to the _hyung_ by now. But there’s something about hearing his name coming out of Jongin’s mouth that sounds very nice to his ears. 

 

He looks up. „What?“

 

Jongin leans down and kisses his lips softly and Kyungsoo gets over his shock quickly, kissing back. Jongin presses sweet little kisses on Kyungsoo's lips that make him want more, push closer but he knows this isn't about that. When they pull apart they both have a hard time looking away from the other's lips. 

 

But it's been a long day, Jongin's exhausted and Kyungsoo's already taken too much of his time. 

 

„I'm really happy.“ Jongin says. Kyungsoo tilts his head, looking up at him with a little smile. Jongin blushes. „I just wanted you to know. You make me feel really good. I haven't felt like this for a long time… Just...“ And then Jongin groans, leaning forward to hide his face in Kyungsoo's neck. "Sorry hyung. I'm such a sap.." 

 

Kyungsoo laughs, cheeks hot, feeling as if his heart has grown an inch in his chest to make room for all the emotions he holds for this boy. "It's okay.. You make me feel really good too, Jongin. It's not one sided.."

 

He tangles his fingers in Jongin's hair to make him look up again. Jongin smirks. "That's good."

 

He closes his yes when Jongin pulls him closer, tightening his arms around his waist and tangling their legs together underneath the covers. 

 

"Goodnight." He mumbles where he has his nose buried in Kyungsoo's hair and Kyungsoo sighs, cuddling closer. 

 

"Goodnight." Kyungsoo whispers back and starts grinning like an idiot when Jongin presses a shy kiss into his hair.

 

He can't stop smiling, even when Jongin's breathing evens out and the younger has fallen asleep half an hour ago.

 

x

 

 


	6. Six

 

x

 

 

Kyungsoo wakes up to the sound of rain splattering against glass. 

 

He blearily blinks his eyes open and for a few seconds he’s in this weird ‚i’m-still-dreaming‘-state before he takes in his surroundings and realizes that he’s actually not in his room at Joonmyun’s apartment. 

 

Panic kicks in, because why not, but it fades quickly when he feels something pressed up against his back. It’s also then that he notices a warm arm draped over his waist, a hand curled against his chest right above his heart. 

 

And there’s a warm breath against his neck, making him squirm because he’s sensitive and ticklish there. 

 

There are faint noises of someone snoring softly behind him and it warms up his chest, a sleepy smile spreading across his face.

 

So that really happened yesterday, and this is Jongin curled against him, knees pressed into the back of Kyungsoo’s. 

 

He wants to move, wants to turn around to watch Jongin sleep even though that might be considered slightly creepy but it’s not like anyone could prove anything.. 

 

Jongin seems like a heavy sleeper anyways so he probably won’t wake up, it’s what Kyungsoo thinks when he slowly turns his body within Jongin’s embrace.

 

But Kyungsoo’s wrong, he flinches when he looks up. Jongin is staring back through lidded eyes. 

 

They stay like that, facing each other in Jongin’s bed on a Friday morning, while Jongin blinks away the sleep in his swollen eyes.

 

Kyungsoo thinks Jongin’s sleepy eyes make him look so unbelievably cute, all he wants to do is wrap the boy up in his arms and shower him with kisses. 

 

But then Jongin smiles, softly and lazily and it makes his chest flutter when he pulls Kyungsoo closer by the waist. 

 

Kyungsoo thinks Jongin is going to kiss him and he panics, one hand shooting out to push against the younger’s broad chest and the other coming up to cover his own mouth. „I haven’t brushed my teeth!“ Kyungsoo whispers anxiously. 

 

Jongin frowns at him for a second but then he just laughs a little helplessly. „What?“

 

„Don’t laugh, let me brush my teeth first!“ Kyungsoo exclaims, untangling him from Jongin’s arms and shooting out of the bed, almost stumbling with his shaky legs and he hears Jongin snicker from the bed while he enters the bathroom. 

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so scared, he usually doesn’t even have that bad of a morning breath but he just- 

 

He just wants to brush his teeth, okay? 

 

When he’s done and he slowly makes his way back to the bad his face is positively red from embarrassment. He really wishes he wouldn’t freak like that out in the worst moments, or make a damn fool out of himself in front of Jongin who looks like something out of a magazine even after waking up, with his dark hair all over the place,  sleepy eyes looking Kyungsoo over as the latter approaches the bed in little steps. 

 

And then there’s this smirk to Jongin’s mouth, something that makes Kyungsoo go a little weak in the knees. 

 

He doesn’t understand how Jongin can change from awkward to shy to sweet to _this._

 

 _„_ Soo..“ Jongin slurs and the sound of his voice combined with that nickname makes Kyungsoo hesitate for a second but he finds himself moving and slipping underneath the covers soon enough. 

 

The sheets are rustling along the sound of rain and Kyungsoo briefly thinks how they should probably close the window but then Jongin blinks at him, such a soft little smile spreading across his face that Kyungsoo can’t really think about doing anything else but look at the boy forever.

 

„Why’d you brush your teeth?“ Jongin asks quietly. 

 

Kyungsoo sighs, looking away. „I didn’t feel comfortable with having morning breath when we-“ 

 

He stops, realizing what he was about to say and clears his throat. 

 

The teasing starts immediately, the corners of Jongin’s lips twitching as his eyes flicker over Kyungsoo’s face. „When we what?“ 

 

„Shut up Jongin.“ Kyungsoo grumbles, face feeling hot while he’s about to sit up to make them tea or something. Definitely to get away from this awkward situation and Jongin’s intense gaze.

 

The younger doesn’t let him though, he traps him to the mattress by leaning his torso over him, forearms caging him in from where Jongin’s supporting his weight left and right from Kyungsoo’s shoulders. 

 

The proximity makes him hold his breath, eyes wandering over Jongin’s exposed collarbones up to his sharp jawline and then get stuck on his slightly parted lips. 

 

Oh god.. 

 

Jongin leans closer, noses almost touching and the tips of his bangs tickling Kyungsoo’s forehead. „When we _what_ , hyung?“ He asks again, voice low and hoarse from sleep and Kyungsoo shudders, suddenly wanting to pull Jongin down and closer. 

 

When he looks up and into Jongin’s eyes, he finds him staring intently at Kyungsoo already and they hold their gazes like that, tension between them growing with every second. 

 

„Don’t tease.“ Kyungsoo breathes, heat rising to his face when he feels Jongin’s warm breath on his chin. Jongin hasn’t brushed his teeth yet but Kyungsoo doesn’t care one bit, he just wants to have his lips on his own right now- 

 

And then Jongin leans down, licking his lip before he crosses the distance to capture Kyungsoo’s mouth in a soft, lazy kiss that wakes both of them up effectively. 

 

He sighs into it, a warm feeling rushing through his limbs. He brings his arms up to circle them around Jongin’s neck, pulling him closer until Jongin brings one leg over and between Kyungsoo’s thighs, hovering above him completely.

 

It takes his breath away, having Jongin against him like this, the younger deepening the kiss and shifting closer. He parts his lips for Jongin’s tongue, something settling deep in his stomach when their tongues touch hotly. 

 

He feels Jongin shifts closer while he's sucking a little on Kyungsoo’s tongue and lips and there’s something so good about the way Jongin kisses. Kyungsoo’s never been kissed like this and he never wants to kiss someone else after this either.. 

 

They pull away for air and Kyungsoo bites his lips at the sight of Jongin, eyes hooded and dark with his lovely mouth shining from the kiss, panting slightly. 

 

It makes something stir hotly between his legs and he tries to squeeze his thighs together to try and prevent a really awkward situation, only then remembering about Jongin’s leg that’s positioned right _there._

 

Kyungsoo gasps, Jongin’s thigh pressing right up against his growing bulge and it feels so _good._ But they shouldn’t, it’s too early, Jongin’s never been with a man and Kyungsoo doesn’t want him to think that he only likes him for _this-_

 

„Hyung..“ Jongin breathes, leaning down to press a kiss against his throat and at the same time moving his leg so his thigh presses more firmly against Kyungsoo’s erection, making the latter moan softly at the pressure. 

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head, half tempted to just grind down because it’s obvious from something hard pressing against Kyungsoo’s own thigh that they both want this. „Wait.. Jongin-“

 

He can’t even speak anymore, not with how Jongin keeps pressing his thigh against his erection, creating hot friction that makes Kyungsoo cling to his shoulders, not really sure if he wants to pull closer or push away. „Do you want to stop?“ Jongin asks quietly and he stops moving for a moment. 

  
Kyungsoo whines at the loss of contact, shaking his head frustratedly. „No, but we-“

 

But Jongin stops listening after the ‚no‘, pushing Kyungsoo’s legs apart with his thighs to position himself between them, hips hovering closely above Kyungsoo’s like this. 

 

He leans down to kiss him again which is good, Kyungsoo needs to stop over thinking this and Jongin’s lips erase every single thought with just a touch. He melts into the feeling of Jongin’s warm, plush lips pressing against his own, coaxing them apart with his hot tongue, drawing soft noises from the elder. And then Jongin's shifting above him, moving his lower half between Kyungsoo's legs as the latter spreads them to make room for him.

 

And when Jongin finally lowers his hips, a sigh escapes Kyungsoo's lips at the sensation of their clothed erections pushing against each other.

 

Jongin pulls back at the sound, eyes looking a lot darker now and he's breathing softly against his mouth. „Is this okay?“ 

 

A nod from Kyungsoo, because he can't really do anything else, his mind dizzy from the ache of blood pooling in his cock. Jongin is about to lean in again but Kyungsoo stops him with gentle hands on his chest. „Take it off.“ He whispers, pulling at Jongin's collar timidly as he’s not sure if it’s okay to ask him to do that.

 

But it is when Jongin nods, reaching behind his neck to pulls his shirt off in one swift motion and Kyungsoo’s tongue feels like cotton in his mouth at the sight of Jongin’s broad chest, tanned skin running smoothly over muscles. 

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t have muscles, okay, he’s _pale_ and thin and he almost wants to ask Jongin to pull his shirt back on but then the younger leans down to kiss him, shaking his head. 

 

„You too.“ And then he’s pulling Kyungsoo up into a sitting position, eyes never leaving him while his hands remove Kyungsoo’s T-Shirt gently. 

 

Kyungsoo wants to hide himself, blushing because their chests are touching and the difference in skin tone and broadness is so clear but Jongin doesn’t seem to care, eyes only locked on Kyungsoo’s as he leans down to press their lips together. 

 

His hands press Kyungsoo down by his shoulders until his back hits the mattress again. Kyungsoo feels too nervous, it’s not like it’s the first time he’s doing this, he doesn’t really understand why his hands are feeling so shaky when Jongin licks into his mouth slowly.

 

Kyungsoo's hands wander down, over Jongin's broad shoulders, his back where there are muscles flexing underneath with how Jongin is moving with ever swipe of his tongue. His fingers catch at the rim of Jongin's sweatpants and he wants them off, makes it known by pressing his fingers against the skin there. Jongin makes a sound against his mouth and suddeny lifts Kyungsoo's hips up, never stopping kissing him, and his palms slide over his bare sides towards his lower back. 

 

There are goosbumps spreading over Kyungsoo's skin and he urges Jongin to go further, makes a soft sound against his lips when his palms finally slide underneath his sweatpants to tug them down. It feels like Kyungsoo blinks, inhales to collect his thoughts and when he opens them again on a exhale they're both nakes save for their briefs.

 

He bites his lip when he sees just how affected Jongin already is, but then again, he isn't any better off, is he? His hands grip onto Jongin's biceps to pull him down against his body again and Jongin sighs before pushing their lips together again.

 

Kyungsoo buries his hands in Jongin’s hair just as the younger starts to move against him, making him fist silky strands between his fingers from the feeling of Jongin’s cock against his own like this. 

 

Kyungsoo spreads his legs wider, mewling against Jongin’s mouth when he starts rutting against him in a steady pace. "Jongin-" He whispers between messy kisses, thighs shaking simply from the feeling of Jongin's cock sliding alongside his own and against the sensitive spot just behind his balls, makes him shudder violently whenever Jongin hits right there.

 

It feels like he's sixteen again, new to all of this but he  _isn't_ and he's pretty sure Jongin isn't either but this is so different, so good that Kyungsoo wants to come just from this, not caring about going any further because he's already too worked up.

 

He feels Jongin groan against his mouth as he presses one last kiss there before he pulls away to lean his head into Kyungsoo’s shoulder as he rocks their erections together. Kyungsoo cants his hips up, pressing tighter and shudders in pleasure at the hot drag.

 

While his hands are touching the other's neck and shoulders and just anywhere he can reach, Jongin starts kissing his jaw, his neck, sucking there softly and making low sounds against Kyungsoo’s heated skin while he grinds against him with slow and hard thrusts. 

 

He really can’t help the noises he’s making, the breathy moans escaping his throat whenever their cocks rub together, it just feel so _good._ It makes him clench his thighs together, hands leaving Jongin’s hair to roam over broad shoulders and heated skin down to the small of his back to press down, urging the younger impossibly closer. 

 

„Soo“ Jongin moans against his shoulder, biting into the skin and drawing a keening sound from Kyungsoo. „ _Fuck.._ hyung-“ Jongin is panting, leaning up again to press their lips together and swallowing Kyungsoo’s whimpers, driving his hips faster into Kyungsoo’s. 

 

He is starting to feel delirious, fingers digging into Jongin’s skin to make him hurry up because he’s burning with too much but not enough. „Come on-“ He whines against Jongin’s lips, they’re breathing into each other’s mouths hotly and Jongin nods, pressing his forehead against Kyungsoo’s as he starts to drive his cock into Kyungsoo’s hard and fast. 

 

It doesn’t take long after that, with Jongin biting his lip to hold back the sounds low in his throat, his dark gaze making Kyungsoo feel dizzy and his hips making Kyungsoo’s cock twitch forcefully inside his pants. 

 

His breath catches, throat choking on Jongin’s name right before his entire spine straightens violently while he comes in hot and wet spurts that shake his entire body.

 

He whimpers helplessly when he feels Jongin press hard into him and staying like that as he comes too with a low moan and arms shaking from holding himself up.

 

They stay like that for a while, looking into each other’s eyes and trying to catch their breaths while they come down from their highs. 

 

Jongin looks so incredibly good like this, hair standing up wildly, lips red and swollen and eyes dark and glazed.

 

The younger licks his lips nervously, shifting against him. „Uhm…“ 

 

„I can’t believe I came in my pants.“ Kyungsoo says and watches how Jongin looks at him blankly for a moment and then huffs out a breath, chuckling. 

 

„Well.. not just you. If that helps.“ Jongin says and Kyungsoo bites his lips, trying not to smile but it’s helpless because Jongin looks so good and content and beautiful smiling at him like this. 

 

He reaches up to pull Jongin down by his neck, bringing their lips together to kiss him softly, hoping to make Jongin feel that it’s okay because the younger still looks nervous and unsure. 

 

He just hopes Jongin doesn’t regret that, even if it wasn’t Sex, he hopes Jongin didn’t do it in the heat of the moment because that would probably crush him. 

 

So when he pulls away he doesn’t know what to expect but he’s relieved to find Jongin smiling at him almost sheepishly, leaning down to press kisses all over Kyungsoo’s face. 

 

Kyungsoo laughs, trying to push Jongin away but the boy clings to him tightly and it’s so sweet and makes his heart flutter wildly despite of what they just did minutes before. 

 

This is different, this is Jongin being so lovely and intimate and so sweet that it makes his heart grow in his chest. 

 

Jongin lets go with a pleased sound and Kyungsoo sighs. „I feel gross.“ 

 

„Yeah, let’s take a shower.“ Jongin says, already shaking his head when he sees the look in Kyungsoo’s eyes. „You can go first, hyung.“ He assures with a grin and rolls away laughing when Kyungsoo makes an annoyed sound and reaches out to pinch him. 

 

 

x

 

 

He takes his shower rather quickly, legs still tingling and lips splitting into stupid smiles whenever he thinks about it all while hot water rushes down his body. 

 

Kyungsoo uses Jongin’s body wash and it smells just like the boy which makes him feel really giddy somehow. 

 

When he’s done he slips on one of Jongin’s briefs on which he feels weird about, maybe Jongin felt uncomfortable with sharing but he’s just too polite to say otherwise. Kyungsoo insisted in just not wearing any underwear at all but that made Jongin blush terribly and reach into his suitcase to hand him some clean black briefs. 

 

He steps out of the bathroom to find Jongin sitting on the bed, typing away on his phone and Kyungsoo smiles at him while the younger still hasn’t noticed him. He’s still naked from the waist up, presenting his abs in all their glory and Kyungsoo briefly thinks it’s a sight he could get used to. 

 

Jongin looks up when Kyungsoo steps closer and immediately puts his phone away, standing up with arms that are already reaching for Kyungsoo’s body. 

 

When he steps into the younger’s arms he immediately feels warm despite the cold droplets of water left on his arms. He melts into the embrace almost helplessly, eyes closing on their own as Jongin's warmth lulls him in. He’s never felt so comfortable with anyone before and it scares him, deep down in his mind where things aren't as clouded with Jongin's overwhelming presence.

 

„You smell like me.“ Jongin whispers, nosing at his neck softly. 

 

Kyungsoo hums at the feeling, pushing his thoughts away as he leans into Jongin’s chest. „I used your body wash. I hope that’s okay?“ 

 

Jongin hums back, inhaling his scent before he leans back to press a kiss to Kyungsoo’s cheek. „Of course. I like it.“ He smiles, almost proudly and Kyungsoo would snort at him were he not in such a daze. 

 

While Jongin is busy taking a shower, Kyungsoo makes some tea because Jongin doesn’t have any coffee in his room. He puts the teabags into the mugs and lets them sit in the hot water and then gets distracted by the sound of rain. 

 

He forgot that it was raining outside and the window had been wide open the entire time, so when he walks over the inside of the window sill is a little wet with droplets of rain that got in. He uses the towel he’d used to dry himself off to clean away the wetness there.

 

He’s a little lost in thought, standing there at the window, not really looking at anything but he must’ve been staring for a while because he doesn’t notice the sound of the shower turning off, or Jongin stepping into the room.

 

So he yelps when he feels Jongin step up behind him, pressing his chest up against Kyungsoo’s back. 

 

There are arms circling his waist, bringing him back into a bare chest and normally this would freak him out but after what happened between them it feels a little stupid to worry about stuff like that, even if his cheeks redden.

 

He puts his hands over Jongin’s where his tummy is, watching how much smaller his hands are.

 

Jongin rests his head in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck and shoulder, nuzzling there for a moment and making Kyungsoo squirm. He laughs softly into Kyungsoo's skin, pressing closer then and letting out a content sigh. 

 

„It’s called Petrichor, you know.“ Kyungsoo says after a moment, as he takes in the earthy smell that’s always there in summer when it’s raining. 

 

„Sounds like a dinosaur.“ Jongin mumbles and Kyungsoo snorts, tempted to turn around and flick the boy's forehead. 

 

„No, the smell after rain. In summer, or just when it’s hot. You know what I mean?“ 

 

Jongin hums in understanding. „Ah, I think I’ve heard that before.“ 

 

„Sure you have.“ Kyungsoo chuckles. 

 

„ _Hey_.“ Jongin whines and when Kyungsoo turns to look at him the younger is pouting, looking like a puppy. Kyungsoo just wants to drag him into bed and cover him in blankets and maybe kisses. 

 

Kyungsoo fully turns around in the embrace, his own arms circling around Jongin’s waist, feeling the warm skin on his palms. 

 

They look at each other closely and it feels like neither of them blinks, holding the other’s gaze. Jongin’s eyes are just warm and gentle and full of emotions Kyungsoo can’t pinpoint, but the way he’s looking at him has his mind reeling and heart fluttering inside his ribcage. 

 

But he guesses his eyes don’t hide his emotions that well either. 

 

And holding Jongin like this, and being held by him so gently and closely, he thinks that it’s strange how he already has these kind of feelings for this boy. He feels so much after so little time together and it should be worrying, really, but it just- kind of isn’t. 

 

Not when Jongin smiles at him like this, so fondly and admiringly. 

  
Or when he presses their foreheads together because apparently he’s a little sap but Kyungsoo actually doesn’t mind it one bit. 

 

It just makes him melt, really, makes him week in the knees and feel stupid butterflies in his stomach and just _everything._

 

„You’re going to get sick.“ Kyungsoo mumbles when he can’t take Jongin’s intense gaze anymore. „Your hair’s all wet.“ 

 

Jongin shakes his head, doesn’t really say anything while his palms press against the small of Kyungsoo’s back, bringing him closer. He leans down and Kyungsoo closes his eyes right before their lips touch. 

 

It’s soft, innocent, their lips sliding smoothly without tongue or anything more, just this touch, but it has Kyungsoo holding on tighter and soon they’re both just smiling into the kiss, forced to pull apart for air. 

 

Kyungsoo’s phone buzzes loudly on the bedside table and Jongin steps away to let him take it. It’s a message from Joonmyun. 

 

**11:36 Myun-Hyung**

 

_\- Are you alive?_

 

Kyungsoo quickly types back, he didn’t realize it was already this late. 

 

**11:36 Kyungsoo**

 

_\- i’m fine._

 

He’s about to put his phone away when Joonmyun’s next message arrives.

 

**11:37 Myun-Hyung**

 

_\- Good, come back soon. I’d like to talk about your boyfriend._

 

Kyungsoo snorts.

 

**11:37 Kyungsoo**

 

_\- i’m twenty-one i’ll come whenever i want. also not my boyfriend._

 

There’s another message when he puts his phone down but he decides to ignore it. He can deal with Joonmyun later and he’s not planing on staying too long anyways, he remembers Jongin saying something about having to finish some things off from the show and looking through reviews and whatnot. 

 

„I should probably get going soon.“ Kyungsoo says, while Jongin is (thankfully) pulling a shirt over his head. 

 

The younger pouts. „You don’t have to.“ 

 

Kyungsoo smiles, shaking his head. „You have things to do.“ 

 

Jongin sighs, almost frowning slightly. „But I’d rather be with you.“ 

 

Kyungsoo laughs, looking away. „We can meet up again. I’ll take you to the airport if you want?“ Kyungsoo tries because he doesn’t want to leave and Jongin is looking at him with pleading eyes. He looks almost scared.

 

„Yeah.. okay. But give me your phone first, hyung.“ Jongin says and Kyungsoo watches him how he types in something, realizing that he’s putting in his number and calling himself from the phone. „Just... making sure I don’t loose you again.“ He says as he hands Kyungsoo back his phone.

 

The words hit Kyungsoo just the right way, he understands why Jongin was scared about Kyungsoo leaving and it hurts him knowing he made Jongin think that he was just going to leave like that. 

 

He can’t help himself when he pulls Jongin down by the collar, pushing his lips to his mouth and kissing him breathless. 

 

When he pulls away Jongin shakes his head. „You know, that makes me want to keep you here even more.“ He whispers, starting to lean in again but Kyungsoo puts his hand on his mouth even if all he wants to do is kiss those lips all day. 

 

„Jongin…“

 

The younger whines frustratedly, stepping away. „Sorry, I know…“ 

 

Kyungsoo laughs and then moves to gather his stuff together. He also makes the bed and cleans up their plates despite Jongin’s protests, he just feels bad about leaving such a mess behind. He makes the younger drink his tea and chucks his own down quickly. 

 

Jongin then insists on walking him to the bus stop. He takes Kyungsoo’s hand the moment they step into the hallway and he laces their fingers together, chuckling when it makes Kyungsoo blush. 

 

Right before they step outside Jongin reaches out and fishes out an umbrella from the stand at the entrance.

 

Kyungsoo scolds him for stealing but Jongin pouts, saying that he doesn’t want Kyungsoo to get wet and sick and he promises to put it back after so Kyungsoo lets it go. 

 

The bus stop is about five minutes away and Jongin holds the umbrella since he’s taller but they have to huddle together really closely in order to not get soaked from the rain. Kyungsoo isn’t complaining and Jongin isn’t either, given the way he urges Kyungsoo to link their arms together. 

 

They don’t really talk while they’re waiting for the bus to arrive, but it’s a comfortable silence and Kyungsoo feels oddly tired despite having slept more than enough. 

 

Their peace gets interrupted though, or at least for Kyungsoo. There’s a girl at the bus stop waiting with them as well and after a while Kyungsoo can’t help but notice how she keeps glancing over at them.

 

Well, mostly at Jongin. She looks him up and down in a way that makes Kyungsoo frown without really knowing why.

 

Kyungsoo tries to ignore it because Jongin doesn’t even seem to notice her but then she lifts her phone, very subtly, most likely snapping a picture of Jongin because she’s grinning to herself after and Kyungsoo feels himself getting even more upset, his eyebrows doing that thing when they scrunch up together whenever he gets too anxious about something.

 

She’s most likely sending the picture to her friends and it's okay, it's what people do when they see someone hot, he's getting pictures like this from Baekhyun all the time. 

 

It's harmless.

 

But then again there's this strange feeling pulling at his chest and when he suddenly gets this wish to be holding Jongin's hand again so the girl maybe would see it too he understands why. 

 

But they're not holding hands, they probably just look like friends and the girl doesn’t stop looking over either She even blushes once when Jongin turns his head and catches her eyes for a moment.

 

And then Jongin actually _smiles_ at her, this little polite smirk that could make anyone go weak in the knees and Kyungsoo has to gulp around the sudden lump in his throat at the sight.

 

It almost painfully reminds Kyungsoo of the flight, how Jongin flirted with the flight attendant. 

 

Is that why Jongin isn’t holding his hand now? Because the girl is here?

 

She is actually kind of pretty, now that he’s looking past the anxious fluttering of his heart. He wouldn't even blame Jongin if he wanted to flirt with her, he doesn't blame him for smiling, he's just being polite but Kyungsoo feels so insecure all of a sudden.

 

He knows it's stupid but-

 

His stomach is doing awful things, he almost feels sick.

 

What if Jongin actually _is_ playing with him, he could very easily be because they basically just met.. 

 

Was he too foolish to just believe every word Jongin said? He knows nothing about him, Jongin could’ve made everything up-

 

Maybe Jongin just used him, to have a little fun and maybe he won’t call him after this-

 

No.. No. He needs to stop. Jongin wouldn’t lie to him. Jongin likes him. 

 

..

 

Right? 

 

„Hyung, are you okay?“ Jongin asks quietly, looking down at him with furrowed eyebrows. 

 

„I’m fine.“ He answers but his eyes are burning and he just feels confused and stupid. 

 

Jongin starts frowning, turning around so they’re facing each other. „You’re not fine. What’s wrong?“ 

 

„It’s nothing.“ He says, shaking his head. He can’t tell Jongin why he’s so scared all of a sudden, how stupid would that even sound? „I’m just tired.“ 

 

And then Jongin does something Kyungsoo did not expect. 

 

He pouts, looking so _cute,_ and leans down to press a kiss to his cheek, and then his temple, and then his forehead. His hand comes up to brush Kyungsoo’s cheek softly and he does it so openly, everyone could see, the girl sees it and Kyungsoo feels so utterly baffled and stupid.

 

He’s so stupid.

 

Why can’t he stop worrying, second guessing everything? 

 

How much would Jongin hurt if he knew how Kyungsoo questioned him and his feelings? 

 

He feels so _bad_ and his eyes start burning with humiliation. So he just brings his arms around Jongin’s waist, pulling him close and hiding his face in his chest. He wants to apologize for something Jongin doesn’t even know about, he hopes the boy never will. 

 

Kyungsoo’s constant worrying will ruin his life one day, but he won’t let it ruin what he could have with Jongin.

 

„Hyung, you should’ve stayed. You could have slept in my dorm while I got my stuff done. I feel bad now…“ Jongin mumbles, wrapping his free arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders comfortingly while he adjusts his hold on the umbrella so they both stay dry. 

 

This boy is too good for him, he knew it from the start but he wants to be good for Jongin too, he wants to be better even if he doesn’t deserve him. 

 

„I’ll sleep at home, don’t worry.“ Kyungsoo mumbles into his shoulder. He then leans back to press a kiss to Jongin’s cheek. „Thank you for letting me stay. And just… for everything, actually.“ 

 

Jongin blushes. „I should thank _you_. For giving me a chance..“ 

 

Kyungsoo looks into his eyes helplessly, not understanding how Jongin can say those things, talking about himself as if _he_ isn’t good enough for Kyungsoo. 

 

He doesn’t care where they are and who sees, he just doesn’t, standing on the tip of his toes to press his mouth to Jongin’s softly, trying to show him just how enough he is. 

 

Jongin looks dazed when they pull apart, gaping a little and looking as if he wants to say something but the bus shows up around the corner. „I’ll call you when I’m done.. is that okay?“ He asks a little breathlessly, lips hovering above Kyungsoo's.

 

Kyungsoo nods, licking his lips, maybe trying to taste Jongin. „Yeah, please do..“ 

 

They smile at each other and when Kyungsoo sits in the bus later, watching the raindrops race down the windows he already misses Jongin next to him.

 

 

x

 

 

When he gets home all he wants to do is just sleep but Joonmyun is having none of it. 

 

„So.. what happened? Are you together now?“ He asks. 

 

Kyungsoo groans, about to answer him rudely when his phone goes off. 

 

„Great, now Baekhyun wants to FaceTime!“ He rubs at his face before he presses the answer button, Joonmyun peeking over his shoulder like an annoying little ten year old rather than the business man he actually is.

 

Baekhyun’s holding the phone too close so the first thing Kyungsoo sees are his nostrils. 

 

„Soo! You didn’t answer my E-Mails, I’m really angry at you!“ Baekhyun makes a face that’s supposed to look angry but he actually just looks really stupid. 

 

Kyungsoo glares, slowly running out of nerves and he’s about to answer but Joonmyun grabs his phone and pulls it towards his own face. „Kyungsoo got laid last night! He has a boyfriend!“ He shouts into the screen, giving the phone back when Kyungsoo smacks his arm.

 

„Joonmyun!“ He shouts irritatedly, face heating up from embarrassment and from hearing such things coming out of _Joonmyun’s_ mouth what the hell- And the elder is actually laughing his ass off. 

 

Baekhyun looks frozen on the screen and Kyungsoo hopes that the connection is bad so he can just end the call and go to sleep but then Baekhyun screams. „WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK-“

 

And then Baekhyun drops the phone to the ground and everything goes quiet on the other side.

 

The silence goes on for half a minute and there’s no movement either, Kyungsoo  almost gets worried but then he hears Chanyeol’s voice calling for Baekhyun. 

 

There’s some rustling and Chanyeol mumbles some things he doesn’t quite understand. 

 

The phone is being picked up again but it’s not Baekhyun’s face there it’s Chanyeol’s and the boy looks confused. „Hey Soo. Uh… what did you guys do? I think Baekhyun fainted.“ 

 

 

_Well fuck this._

 

 

x

  

 


	7. Seven

 

 

x

 

 

He’s busy writing down a shopping list for groceries and he’s about to put ‚ramen‘ onto it as well when his hand stops moving, just for a second. 

 

But it’s enough for his eyes to flick over to where his phone is sitting on the counter, teeth digging into his bottom lip nervously when he eyes it.

 

He knows he shouldn’t be like this. He knows he shouldn’t start worrying again, it’s not good for anyone, least of all for his own sanity.

 

It’s only been a day but…

 

Jongin didn’t call like he said he would.

 

He went to bed after waiting for some kind of sign from Jongin but there wasn’t anything. He didn’t really sleep either, couldn’t stop thinking about Jongin. How nice it felt, to just be with him and talk to him. Kissing him as if they were lovers and not strangers who barely knew each other. 

 

Waking up this morning and seeing his phone screen empty save for some pictures Jongdae had sent him had already made him feel sick. 

 

It’s okay, he tries to tell himself.

 

Jongin’s busy with packing, he’s leaving tomorrow. It’s perfectly normal for him to not have time. 

 

Or simply not feeling like talking to Kyungsoo.

 

It’s just.. fine. 

 

„Soo, stop staring at that stupid screen.“ Joonymun says, fishing Kyungsoo’s phone away from his hands. „We’re going grocery shopping.“ 

 

Kyungsoo looks at the phone but then gives up. Anything to take his mind off from things.

 

 

x 

 

Kyungsoo’s busy picking out the ingredients for dinner tonight and there’s an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. 

 

It’s like… when you’re nervous about an upcoming event but you can’t really decide if it’s dread you’re feeling or excitement. 

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t feel regretful about what he did, about what happened with Jongin. Just thinking about it makes his heart race and face heat up. 

 

But his eyebrows do that thing again, scrunching up in the middle while his stomach is left in knots. 

 

He can’t explain what it is but he feels uneasy, temples throbbing with a painful feeling he can’t pinpoint. 

 

Actually, Kyungsoo knows exactly what all of this is about. It all makes sense to be honest. 

 

Jongin is leaving tomorrow and chances for them to meet each other again are pretty small, unless one of them calls to fix a date. 

 

He said he would call but he didn’t. Like.. what more does Jongin have to do to get the message across?

 

As if someone like Jongin would ever want more from him than just a casual hookup. Kyungsoo doesn’t have the looks, he can definitely not compete with Jongin. He’s too fucking insecure and awkward. 

 

He remembers what Baekhyun once told him, back in first year at college after yet another date went wrong. 

 

He’d been waiting for him in their dorm, looking almost expectant as it was Kyungsoo’s first date, basically. And then he’d seen the look on Kyungsoo’s face and just wordlessly stood up to hug him. 

 

And later when they were watching a movie on the couch he’d said: „You know.. just because you’re so nice doesn’t mean everyone else is too. You need to be careful.“ 

 

And he had listened. Kyungsoo had been carefully, never really got involved to deep with anyone because Baekhyun’s words always were lingering, in the back of his mind like a little protective whisper.

 

So this time it’s Kyungsoo’s fault, really. For falling this fast for someone he knows so little about. 

 

He’s a fucking fool.

 

„Do you need green onions?“ Joonmyun’s voice makes him jump slightly, the bottle of sesame oil slipping out of his grasp. 

 

The bottle is made of glass so it shatters on the floor, the liquid splashing everywhere and onto Kyungsoo’s sneakers, his jeans. Some people stop to look, attracted by the noise and Joonmyun looks positively shocked. 

 

Kyungsoo normally isn’t this distracted or careless.

 

„Hey, are you okay?“ Joonymun asks, voice laced with concern while he gently tugs Kyungsoo away from the puddle and the shards of glass. 

 

A worker from the store is already there to clean the mess, assuring Kyungsoo that it’s okay as he won’t stop apologizing. 

 

„Soo..“ Joonmyun sighs but Kyungsoo just shakes his head, taking the onion from Joonmyun’s hand and placing it in the shopping cart. 

 

The rest of the shopping trip is spent in silence with worry eating away at Kyungsoo’s heart like a disease. 

 

 

x 

 

When they get back home Kyungsoo doesn’t bother to check his phone. He walks straight into the kitchen and starts putting away the groceries, busies himself with cooking dinner. 

 

Joonmyun is helping him, but he shoots him those weird looks as if he’s expecting Kyungsoo to burst into tears at any moment. 

 

„Stop that!“ He groans after ten minutes when he can’t take it anymore.

 

His friend pulls a face, shrugs his shoulders innocently. „Soo… I don’t know what to think. You were happy yesterday, yeah?“ 

 

Kyungsoo just shrugs, concentrates on cutting the carrots into thin stripes instead. He can’t talk about it right now, wouldn’t even know what to say.

 

_Oh it’s nothing, I just think I fell in love with a guy I barely know and now he won’t call me and i’m slightly heartbroken about something that lasted for a night._

 

Exactly. 

 

„Did he do something to you?“ Joonmyun asks with narrowed eyes.

 

„No.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, heart clenching a little inside his chest. „It was nice, okay? And now it’s over. It’s fine.“

 

„But you’re upset. I don’t like seeing you like this.“ 

 

He sighs, puts the knife down to face his friend. He’s annoyed even though he knows that Joonmyun’s just concerned. „I’m fine. Look, this is just me being stupid about nothing, okay? You know how I am. I’ll get over it.“ Kyungsoo smiles, just to make the other stop frowning at him.

 

Joonmyun frowns at him and Kyungsoo can see the exact moment his friend gives up, shoulders sagging as a sigh escapes his lips. „I’m gonna take a shower“ And with that he leaves the kitchen.

 

Just in time, actually.

 

Because Kyungsoo’s face crumples as soon as he’s left. 

 

 

x

 

 

“I’m going to call him.” Joonmyun says a few hours later, feet perched upon Kyungsoo’s lap while the latter tries to get into the movie they’re watching.

 

It’s not really working.

 

“Call who?” Kyungsoo asks tiredly. He just woke up from a nap, having fallen asleep after dinner and now he feels drowsy and tired and just gross. 

 

And all he wants to do is sleep some more, sleep the leftover days away until he can go home. He doesn’t even care about his stupid fear of flights anymore, he just wants to leave.

 

“Who do you think?” Joonmyun sighs. “Where’s your phone?”

 

Kyungsoo goes slightly rigid, shakes his head sharply. The guy in the movie gets shot, right where his arm is connected to his body. “You’re not calling him.”

 

“Watch me.” His friend suddenly jumps up from the couch and sprints into Kyungsoo’s room. At first he’s confused because he actually hasn’t seen Joonmyun run in his grown up state  _ever_ and it just looks weird.

 

And then he hears Joonmyun make a shout of victory and a shiver runs down his spine, making him rush after him to prevent Joonmyun from doing something really stupid.

 

Why can none of his friends respect his privacy? No actually, why can’t they just be freaking normal for once?

 

But they aren’t normal, Joonmyun is standing on top of the desk so Kyungsoo can’t reach him while he’s pressing around on his phone screen. 

 

“It’s locked anyway.” Kyungsoo groans, looking up at his friend who simply shrugs with his shoulders.

 

“Yeah and your code is your birthday backwards.” There’s a smirk on Joonmyun’s face when he lets Kyungsoo see the menu once he’s successfully unlocked it. „You should change it by the way Soo, you’ve had it for years, it’s not safe-“

 

“Joonmyun, stop this isn’t funny!” He hisses then, tugs at the hem of his shirt to get him to come down and stop being such a stupid person.

 

But the phone’s already near Joonmyun’s ear a moment later and no matter how hard Kyungsoo pulls at his leg in hopes of getting Joonmyun to lose his balance and fall down, his friend just sways a little, puts a finger to his mouth as if to shut Kyungsoo up.

 

And once his anger seeps away a lump forms in his throat. He knows Jongin isn’t going to pick up, he just knows it.. That’s why Kyungsoo didn’t call. It’s not like he doesn’t have Jongin’s number too, the boy had saved it on his phone.

 

Not calling Jongin is his way of sparing himself the rejection, officially. 

 

And now Joonmyun’s doing this to him, he just doesn’t understand-

 

Joonmyun’s face falls, only for a second before he catches himself but Kyungsoo sees it and his heart drops.

 

He watches the other man climb down from the desk, and feels him press the phone into his limp palm. Kyungsoo looks at the bright screen, not really wanting to listen or talk or anything.

 

“Did he hang up?” He asks quietly.

 

Joonmyun doesn’t answer instantly but when he does it’s with a deep sigh and an almost pitiful look in his dark eyes. “It… says the number isn’t valid.”

 

It shouldn’t surprise him really. 

 

But… 

 

Jongin changed his number? 

 

Because Kyungsoo saw how he called Kyungsoo with his phone, the number couldn’t be fake but why would he, why would he change it- 

 

Actually, why would he not? 

 

There’s a lump in his throat and a prickling behind his eyes and he should’ve known, really but it feels like a slap to the face. Jongin going as far as changing his number to avoid Kyungsoo. 

 

Kyungsoo just feels so  _stupid._

 

He feels so utterly stupid for having fallen for Jongin, and for having believed his nice words and his shy attitude and he just can’t wrap his mind around it.

 

„Soo… maybe he had to change his number because his phone got stolen…“ Joonmyun tries but the way he says it it sounds as if not even he himself believes that. 

 

„Forget it. It’s fine.“ Kyungsoo croaks out, presses his thumb to the power button of his phone tightly until it shuts off. 

 

 

 

x 

 

It’s a week later and now he’s standing in the parking lot of the airport. 

 

There are dark clouds hanging in the sky, a promise of a heavy summer rain hovering there. It’s windy too, making Kyungsoo’s fringe fly into his eyes every now and then while he’s walking towards the building. 

 

He looks to his right, at Joonmyun who’s carrying his suitcase because he’s insisted to do so. He looks a bit tired and sad and Kyungsoo understands. 

 

He’s sad too. 

 

He should be scared. Flying while it’s raining outside with such thick clouds covering the blue of the sky probably is what his nightmare’s are normally made of. But surprisingly he doesn’t feel scared. He just feels exhausted and doesn’t know how he’ll survive such a long flight on his own- 

 

He only knew Jongin for one or two days. Kyungsoo shouldn’t be heartbroken over this, it’s ridiculous to even feel sad at all. Other people do it all the time, having quick hook ups. Imagine them all crying over it.

 

But no matter how hard he tries, it’s not enough. He has to try harder because forgetting about Jongin is about as easy as facing a fourteen hour flight on his own. 

 

The inside of the airport doesn’t help. When he’s waiting in line to check in his luggage he can almost feel Jongin standing behind him, leaning his head against Kyungsoo’s nape despite their height difference. 

 

It’s so unfair. And it’s not normal, how much Kyungsoo’s heart is hurting, how he hasn’t cried once ever since he’s come to terms with the fact that Jongin has played him. 

 

But his eyes are constantly prickling, his heart painfully thudding against ribcage when only a week before it had done the same from looking into Jongin’s pretty eyes. 

 

He wants to forget all about Jongin but he doesn’t know how.

 

„Soo, it’s your turn.“ Joonmyun says softly, nudging him towards the counter where the girl is already smiling at him brightly. 

 

After the Check-In he still has an hour to pass so they sit down in a small café to eat breakfast. Well, Joonmyun eats while  Kyungsoo drinks too much coffee. 

 

He doesn’t know if it’s to calm his nerves, or to make the constant headache go away. It’s probably stupid. He wants to sleep as much as he can at his flight, make it as short as possible for him but he’s kind of ruining his own plans. 

 

„Don’t drink too much, you’ll have to pee all the time.“ Joonmyun scolds him. „I know how much you hate the toilets on airplanes.“ 

 

Kyungsoo shrugs, looks at coffee stains inside his cup. „I hate everything about airplanes.“ 

 

He hears Joonmyun sigh, can feel his friends’ heavy gaze on him. „I’m going to miss you Soo.“ Joonmyun says and when Kyungsoo finally looks up he’s smiling warmly at him. 

 

„Me too.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, he will miss him. A lot. „I’m sorry I was sulking all the time though… Probably ruined your mood.“ 

 

„It’s okay, I mean it would’ve been weird for you not to.“ Joonmyun looks at him with a careful smile.

 

„No, it’s stupid. I barely knew him, it’s ridiculous to be this upset about it.“ Kyungsoo scoffs, shakes his head and gulps heavily. 

 

„It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him. There obviously was a connection-“

 

„There wasn’t“ Kyungsoo cuts in, pushes his cup away. „I thought there was but I was wrong.“ 

 

Joonmyun leans back in his seat. „I don't think you were wrong. That guy was just too stupid to see it.“ There’s a hand on his shoulder now, squeezing, comforting. „Soo, you’re amazing. You have such a big heart. Whoever gets to have it will be a very lucky person.“ 

 

Kyungsoo blinks up at his friend, a little smile spreading on his face. He’ll really miss Joonmyun. 

 

God knows when they’ll get to see each other again. 

 

„This is getting too cheesy. I want to leave.“ Kyungsoo laughs quietly and pushes his chair back despite Joonmyun’s protests that get swallowed up by his bright laughter. He looks ridiculous when he laughs but the sight warms his insides up, keeps the trembling of his nervous hands at bay.

 

They say their goodbye’s as quickly as possible but of course Joonmyun starts crying. 

 

He’s hugging Kyungsoo so tight the latter has trouble breathing but he decides to let him, rubs his own hands over his friend’s back. 

 

He’s sad, for so many reasons, but leaving Joonmyun just adds to it. „Thanks for everything hyung. I’m going to miss you a lot.“ 

 

„You’re always welcome here Soo. Next time bring Baekhyun with you.“ Joonmyun pulls back then, ruffling Kyungsoo’s hair despite the tears streaming down his cheeks. „Take care, okay? Take care of your little heart too.“ He presses a kiss to Kyungsoo’s temple and it makes his heart clench painfully in his chest. 

 

It’s a little too late to protect his heart now but he knows Joonmyun means well. 

 

„Take care too.“ 

 

Joonmyun’s smile is watery and Kyungsoo is on the verge of tears too but he doesn’t cry. 

 

He won’t cry.

 

 

 

 

He’s sitting in the same row again, at the very back, the same seat number. 

 

But the seat on his right stays empty, almost as if it’s waiting for Jongin to come and sit down. 

 

Kyungsoo tries to ignore it, looks out the window instead. And his mind keeps wandering, to the conversations he’s had with Jongin on their flight to New York, the soft pink sweater the boy wore, his deep laugh and bright eyes. 

 

How is a person supposed to get over someone like Jongin? 

 

Kyungsoo wants to know so desperately, he doesn’t want to feel like this, so stupid, with everything reminding him of the boy as if they had been in a long relationship when in reality it wasn’t anything else but a quick hook up to Jongin.

 

He wonders if he’ll ever see Jongin again. They don’t live far from each other and Kyungsoo goes to Seoul quite a lot. Then again, Seoul is a huge city. 

 

Well,  _if_ Jongin even lives in Seoul. That could’ve been a lie too for all he knows. He’s not sure how much about Jongin was true and how much of it made up. He probably doesn’t know anything about the boy at all.

 

He hopes he won’t see him again.

 

He just wants to forget everything about Jongin as quickly and painless as possible. Forgetting his face would be the first step. That can’t be so hard. Kyungsoo doesn’t even have a picture of him. 

 

It doesn’t matter. Nothing really matters. Kyungsoo just has to suck it up, he can’t change what happened. He can’t change the fact that his heart is broken.

 

He has to close his eyes and sleep. And he does just that. 

 

 

 

 

The flight is over rather quickly, that's how it feels to Kyungsoo at least. He sleeps most of the time, wakes up in between to eat and he even goes to the toilet once although it causes him to almost have a panic attack when he flushes afterwards. 

 

He’s not scared. He’s alone but he barely flinches when there are turbulences. 

 

There’s a bitter smile on his face, thinking that he probably owes that to Jongin, for taking away his fear of flying a little. 

 

The weather’s nice in Incheon when they land and Kyungsoo feels dizzy and sleepy, waiting in the lines for what seems like hours. He has to wait half an hour for his luggage too and he wants to slap himself when he keeps an eye out for something else.

 

_Tell me when my suitcase comes out. It’s got a huge marvel sticker on the front._

 

It makes his breath catch in his throat. He still wants Jongin to be here, and wants to hear his laugh. He can’t even hate him for god’s sake, what’s wrong with him?

 

He has to stop. Really… screw Jongin. 

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol are waiting for him when he walks out and he feels happiness and sadness wash over him. It overwhelms him. 

 

„Oh my god, Soo I missed you so fucking much!“ Baekhyun practically jumps at him, hugs him in front of all those people as if they’d been separated for years and not just a month. Kyungsoo hugs him back but he can’t even talk. He doesn’t know if it’s the smiling faces of his friends of just the way Baekhyun is hugging him. But he feels so tired all of a sudden and he can’t hold back the tears which is so stupid. 

 

He hears Chanyeol suck in a breath behind them when he sees Kyungsoo crying and Baekhyun loos devastated after pulling away.

 

„Kyungsoo… did you miss us that much?“ Baekhyun asks carefully and Kyungsoo wants to tell him to shut up but only a pathetic whimper leaves his mouth. 

 

He wipes at his face frantically. Stupid Jongin. He hates him so incredibly much but he hates himself even more… For coming home like this, with a broken heart, expecting Baekhyun to put it back together like he always does.

 

He’s not sure if it’s going to work this time.

 

„Soo..“ Baekhyun puts a hand to his neck with a worried look on his face. „Why are you crying?“ 

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head, puts on a wobbly smile. „It’s nothing.. let’s go home.“ 

 

 

x

 

 

He spends the week sleeping and cleaning because there’s really not much else he can do. Uni doesn’t start until September and he’s left home with Baekhyun bugging him to tell him about what happened in New York. 

 

Kyungsoo always brushes it off though, not wanting to explain it or talk about it. It’s private, and it’s stupid and Kyungsoo’s never been good at talking about this stuff. 

 

And now that the wound’s still kind of healing it’s even harder.

 

But he’s not sulking, he isn’t. Sometimes he’ll think about it, just briefly, and it’ll hurt and Baekhyun will notice. 

 

And it’s just a matter of time, really, until his best friend finds out. 

 

When they’re eating dinner by the TV, just the two of them with Chanyeol gone out with some of his friends, Baekhyun suddenly mutes the TV and takes the plate from Kyungsoo’s hands despite his protests. 

 

„I talked to Joonmyun.“ Baekhyun says while he places the food on the coffee table. He turns around on the couch, watching Kyungsoo intently. „He told me some things, about a guy. Jongin?“ 

 

„It’s nothing.“ Kyungsoo is quick to say, his gaze falling down to his pink socks. 

 

„Why are you lying?“ Baekhyun wants to know. „I thought we tell each other everything, why are you keeping it from me?“ 

 

Kyungsoo sighs, leans his head back and looks at the two little cracks in the ceiling. „Because it’s stupid. Because  _I’m_ stupid.“ 

 

There’s a hand on his thigh, squeezing. „Kyungsoo, please. I can’t stand seeing you like this.“

 

And so he tells him, about Jongin, about the show, about everything that happened after. Just the important stuff. Tells it as if it really was nothing but the crack in his voice towards the end gives everything away. 

 

He looks up, after finishing and Baekhyun is looking at him with a slightly tired expression on his face. „Soo…“ He sighs, reaches out to brush a thumb over Kyungsoo’s cheek. „Why’s is that you always find the douchebags?“ 

 

Kyungsoo shrugs. It’s not like he’s been with many but the few he’s met turned out to be… well, assholes. Or maybe they weren’t really assholes, they just turned into ones because of Kyungsoo. 

 

Maybe it’s all his fault, he doesn’t know. Doesn’t really care anymore either. 

 

„You know I’ll kill him, right?“ Baekhyun smiles. „I’ll rip his balls off, Seoul may be big but I’m good at that stuff. I can find him for you.“ 

 

„Shut up.“ Kyungsoo groans, reaches out to push Baekhyun’s face away and ends up slapping him instead.

 

Baekhyun shrugs, pulls him into a side hug. „It’s not your fault Soo. There are stupid people out there and he’s one of them if he doesn’t see how awesome you are. Plus he's another closet case. You've been through that shit before and we know how that played out. You’re lucky you got rid of him.“ 

 

„Yeah.“ Is all Kyungsoo says.

 

He knows Baekhyun’s right. So why doesn’t he feel lucky? 

 

„Will you tell me what happened though? Did you… sleep with him?“ Baekhyun asks carefully. 

 

„No!“ Kyungsoo is quick to say. But then he thinks about that morning, about Jongin’s body on him, the heat between them, the feeling of him against him… He doesn’t want it to happen but his face feels hot. He knows he should stop thinking about it, there’s no use. 

 

„You did, didn’t you?“ Baekhyun sighs after seeing the look on Kuyngsoo’s face. 

 

„Not really..“ Kyungsoo croaks, shrugs his shoulders. It doesn’t feel right, talking about it. 

 

„So what, you gave him a blowjob? Did you sixty-nine or something? Don’t make me pull everything out of you!“ Baekhyun laughs at him which only aggravates Kyungsoo further.

 

„Shut up! It’s none of your business.“ Kyungsoo tries to reach for the remote to unmute the movie again but Baekhyun is faster than him, snatching the device away to throw it over the back of the couch. 

 

Kyungsoo is so done with him. Sometimes his friend simply doesn’t know when to stop, let go of a subject. It’s obvious Kyungsoo isn’t in the mood to talk about it. It’s obvious he’s not comfortable. That it… hurts. So he tries to get up and lock himself into his room but Baekhyun isn’t having any of it. 

 

He throws himself at Kyungsoo, straddling him in a way that makes it impossible for Kyungsoo to escape. „Get off you fucking idiot!“ Kyungsoo pushes at Baekhyun’s chest, trying to throw him off and they wrestle like that for a while until Kyungsoo is too tired and gives in, Baekhyun pinning his hands to the back of the couch. 

 

„Soo.“ Baekhyun sighs while he lowers himself onto Kyungsoo’s thighs. He lets go of Kyungsoo’s hands once he’s made sure the other isn’t going to try and run away again. „I know you don’t want to talk about it but trust me, keeping all your worries to yourself isn’t better either. I know you good enough to see that it affects you more than you’re telling me.“ 

 

Kyungsoo glares at him for another thirty seconds until he leans his head back and sighs tiredly. „What do you want me to say?“ 

 

„I don’t know... Are you in love with him?“ 

 

His head shoots up again. „What? No! I only knew him for about a day!“ He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels so attacked, doesn’t understand the frantic heartbeat inside his chest either.

 

But Baekhyun shrugs. „One day is more than enough. I knew I was in love with Chanyeol after the first time I talked to him.“ 

 

„Yeah but you’re stupid, so.“ 

 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. „ _Okay,_ so you’re not in love with him. But you like him enough to not be able to forget about him. And don’t say no because I’ll fucking punch you.“ 

 

Kyungsoo worries his lower lip between his teeth for a moment before he shrugs his shoulders. „I don’t know. He was different, I guess.“ He takes a deep breath. „Not… a show off like everyone else. He was just really kind and sweet and polite.“ It stings in his chest, thinking about Jongin’s sweet smiles and how shy he was. „But that probably was an act too. It doesn’t matter anymore. I liked the person he pretended to be. I don’t think I would be very fond of who he actually is…“

 

His best friend looks at him with a sad expression. „I don’t understand. What does he get out of it?“ 

 

Kyungsoo shrugs, tries to swallow around the lump in his throat. There are tears in his eyes and he hates himself for being like this but Jongin affects him so much more than he wants him to. Baekhyun makes a distressed noise before wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo, pulls him into his chest. 

 

He cries then, with Baekhyun rubbing his back and Kyungsoo hiding his face in his friend’s chest in hopes of hiding his tears even though his soft cries are loud in the otherwise silent living room.

 

A part of him wonders if Jongin would even care, seeing him like this. Another part already knows the answer and it only makes him cry harder. 

 

„It’s okay to cry.“ Baekhyun mumbles into his ear. "You'll be okay." And Kyungsoo just hopes he’s right. 

 

 

 

 

It gets easier after a while. It would be more than stupid to think about Jongin 24/7.

 

Instead he just busies himself with reading books or watches dramas with Baekhyun, which the latter is more than happy about. They’ve already been through four shows and honestly, Kyungsoo doesn’t know how much more he can take.

 

But why the hell is the plot  _always the same_?

 

He goes to the arcade with Chanyeol too and it’s good, spending time with him, because contrary to Baekhyun the other doesn’t keep trying to come up with stupid revenge plans for Jongin. 

 

He doesn’t mention it at all and instead focuses on getting Kyungsoo’s mind off from it which he’s more than thankful about. 

 

Sure, it does hurt, when he thinks about Jongin’s smile for a second but it’ll simply take a little time. 

 

He’ll be fine.

 

 

x

 

 

„We’re going out.“ Baekhyun decides the next week. It’s a Friday night and Kyungsoo is sitting on the couch, wearing sweatpants and a shirt covered in several food stains. 

 

He’s gross, yeah.

 

„Do I look like I’m in the mood?“ Kyungsoo asks and he’s annoyed. He knows Baekhyun wants to cheer him up but he’s been trying to convince him to go out for a week now and Kyungsoo just doesn’t want to. He really doesn’t know what else to do to make it clear that he’s not interested in going to clubs to let other weirdos feel him up with their sweaty hands.

 

„Ew, no look at you. But you have half an hour before Jongdae picks us up so move your ass.“ Baekhyun grabs his arm and pulls him from the couch, proceeding to shove him into the direction of his room. 

 

„Stop!“ He groans, tries to push Baekhyun’s hands away.

 

„No, you stop! You’ve been sulking over that asshole for an entire week, I’m not going to sit and watch any longer!“ Baekhyun says and pushes him down onto his bed. „You need to go out, you need to dance with hot people and you need alcohol and tonight you’re getting all of it.“

 

„Just go without me.“ Kyungsoo groans but Baekhyun isn’t listening, he’s already pulling clothes out of his dresser and tosses a white t-shirt into his face. 

 

„Wear that, it brings out your collarbones.“ He says and fishes out some jeans too. 

 

Kyungsoo gives up then. 

 

He hasn’t left the house in the past three days and it might be fun. Well it  _will_ be fun, it always is when Jongdae and alcohol are involved.

 

„Where are we going?“ He asks later when they’re sitting in a taxi. „Why the hell are we going out of town?“ 

 

„Stop asking so many questions.“ Baekhyun sighs. „Chanyeol’s already there.“

 

Kyungsoo wants to punch him. „Chanyeol’s where?“ 

 

Baekhyun makes a proud face, slings an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder. „We’re going to Seoul!“ 

 

„No. We’re not.“ Kyungsoo shakes his head. What the fuck? 

 

„Come on, Kyungsoo there are no freaking clubs around here what did you expect? My cousin’s a guard at this new club that's opening today, he can get us in there without being on the list. Everyone's going.“ Jongdae says from where he’s sitting in the passenger seat. 

 

But… Seoul. 

 

He can only think of Jongin’s laugh and his warm eyes and his voice-

 

God Kyungsoo’s being so paranoid. Seoul’s a huge city, why is he even worrying? Nothing’s going to happen.

 

 

 

 

They get into the club easily, just as Jongdae has said and it’s nice inside. It’s crowded but it doesn’t smell like beer and sweat like the usual clubs they go to. 

 

Jongdae orders them shots first and Kyungsoo isn’t good with alcohol so that worries him a little but he doesn’t want Baekhyun to annoy him any further so he gulps the disgusting stuff down without any protests.

 

He loosens up a little, or tries to, because it’s fun, with Jongdae screaming and laughing about everything, including strangers into their circle and into stupid conversations. 

 

They meet Chanyeol at one point and Baekhyun almost jumps him, kissing him in a way that should not be allowed in public but it’s not like it’s a sight Kyungsoo isn’t used to. 

 

He never said living with Baekhyun was easy, okay. 

 

„Kyungsoo hyung, you look amazing!“ Someone says, and it’s Junhoe - someone he knows from Uni. He’s a nice guy, a year below him. Looks good, too with his new bleached hair and Kyungsoo simply can’t help himself when he compares it to a certain other person. 

 

He wonders if Junhoe would turn out to be a dick too, if he knew him better even though the boy seems to be really nice and sweet. 

 

„Thank you.“ Kyungsoo says and he doesn’t miss the shy look Junhoe shoots him, doesn’t miss the thumbs up Baekhyun is giving him but he didn’t come here for this. So he ignores it with a kind smile. 

 

There are more drinks being pushed into his hands and he starts to feel slightly tipsy but it’s all good, it’s nice. Even if Junhoe gets too close while dancing he lets him - and it would be so easy to turn around and slip his arms around him but Kyungsoo doesn’t. Junhoe is a good dancer but not as good as- 

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. How, how is it that he can’t stop thinking about him? Why is he so pathetic and can’t fucking move on already? 

 

„Oh, oh. I know that look.“ He hears Baekhyun say close to his ear. „Quick, drink up before the worrying starts!“ Baekhyun puts a shot to his mouth and tilts Kyungsoo’s head back, almost making him choke on the liquid. 

 

It burns his throat, makes his eyes water but it makes him forget and that’s better than anything. 

 

„Here.“ And then there’s already the next drink in his hand. 

 

„Are you trying to kill me? I’ve had enough.“ Kyungsoo groans, wants to give it back to Baekhyun but he only shrugs and turns around. Kyungsoo sure as hell isn’t going to drink this, he’s already drunk enough as it is.

 

He sees Jongdae grinding against some girl a few feet away, Baekhyun making pretty eyes at basically everyone and Kyungsoo can almost see Chanyeol’s rage, how he slips his arm around Baekhyun’s waist possessively and pulls him in against his chest. Baekhyun smirks, as if that was his goal all along. 

 

His eyes sweep further over the crowd, just briefly. And then they stop at a trio standing a little bit to the side. 

 

Kyungsoo isn’t sure if it’s the lights that are playing tricks on him, or if he’s losing his mind but his eyes get stuck on something. On someone. 

 

He’s not sure but-

 

The lights flicker, blue and red and then it’s there. Right there. His face, his lips, his messed up hair. 

 

Kyungsoo’s drink almost slips out of his hands. 

 

„Whoa, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.“ Baekhyun comments, coming up beside him to pry the drink from Kyungsoo's shaking hands.

 

Kyungsoo isn’t listening. His heart is trying to beat out of his chest and he can’t breathe properly. 

 

How- 

 

„Soo?“ Baekhyun pats his cheeks now. "Do you feel sick?"

 

„He’s here.“ He croaks out, not able to look away. 

 

Jongin is talking to some guys, he smiles and there’s a drink in his hand and he looks so good, it makes it all even worse.

 

„Who’s here?“ Baekhyun asks, sounds impatient while his eyes roam over the crowd as if he’s trying to find the person Kyungsoo’s talking about.

 

„Jongin.“ He says, he’s not sure what happens or why but Jongin looks up then, eyes drifting for a moment before they reach Kyungsoo and their gazes lock.

 

„Are you fucking with me? Where?“ Baekhyun wants to know but Kyungsoo can’t listen.

 

Jongin’s mouth falls open slightly and he looks shocked. He probably doesn’t want to see Kyungsoo at all, he must feel annoyed but Kyungsoo’s just so angry and upset and also so weak. 

 

Just looking at Jongin makes him weak. 

 

He doesn’t know how long they stand like that, just looking at each other while different colors flicker across Jongin’s face from the lights. Kyungsoo’s heart beats louder than the bass around them when Jongin breaks out of his stance, pushes his drink into someone’s hand. 

 

And then he pushes through the crowd, eyes never leaving Kyungsoo. 

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want to talk to Jongin, not when the boy has humiliated him like this. He doesn’t want to hear his lies or apologies or whatever else he has to say. 

 

He turns around, starts pushing his way through the crowd too, hears Baekhyun shout after him but he can’t stop now, he needs to get away from Jongin. 

 

„Kyungsoo, wait!“ He hears then and the voice almost makes him stop immediately. Jongin’s deep, soft voice. He  _wants_ to stop. Wants to listen and believe everything Jongin has to say but he’s not about to make the same mistakes again so he keeps walking until the crowd ebbs out, until he can already see the stairs to the exit- 

 

He somehow knows he won’t make it, that someone will stop him, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare him when Jongin grabs his hand, turns him around so they’re face to face. 

 

„Kyungsoo.“ He whispers and they’re so close, as if they’re back in New York. Jongin’s hair looks different, it’s not pink anymore, has turned almost dirty blond and it sticks to his temples with sweat, his shirt clinging to his form from it too. He looks so good and Kyungsoo hates himself for how terribly he wants to kiss him in that moment. He doesn’t understand, when he looks into Jongin’s eyes now, how they can be so warm and make him feel so safe after everything. „What are you doing here?“ Jongin then asks, leaning even closer.

 

And things come crumbling down again at the question. Of course Jongin would ask, of course he wouldn’t want him here. 

 

„Let go.“ Kyungsoo says instead, tearing his eyes away. 

 

„No“ Jongin is shaking his head. „I know what you think but let me explain-“

 

„I don’t care!“ Kyungsoo wrenches his hand away from Jongin’s grip and the look of hurt on the boy’s face makes him want to scream out of frustration.

 

„Please“ Jongin then says, stepping closer and he sounds tired and desperate, it sends Kyungsoo’s mind reeling. Kyungsoo can feel his warmth, can feel that stupid connection Joonmyun had been talking about and he asks himself how it can be there when Jongin doesn’t feel it at all. When it was so easy for him to just forget about it. "I understand that you're mad at me but-“

 

„I said I don’t care.“ Kyungsoo croaks. „You were too much of a coward to tell me you weren’t interested! You even changed your number Jongin! What's there to talk about?“ 

 

„It’s not like that- I  _wanted_ to call you, you have to believe me Kyungsoo.“ Jongin looks desperate when he takes another step closer. Kyungsoo takes one back. 

 

„Why would I? I haven’t heard from you for weeks! So maybe I was just a quick hookup to you, that’s fine, I don't blame you for that. But why would you get my hopes up like that? Why say all those things when you don’t mean them?“ Kyungsoo takes a shuddering breath, presses his lips closed once the words have left him. Jongin looks as if he’s been slapped, he shakes his head and Kyungsoo has to look away when he sees the younger’s lower lip tremble.

 

He barely notices how Baekhyun is suddenly standing next to him, gripping his arm carefully. „Soo, are you okay?“ His eyes rake Jongin’s body up and down. „Are you Jongin?“ 

 

It takes Jongin a second to look away from Kyungsoo but when he does he nods, meets Baekhyun’s eyes with an almost tight expression and Kyungsoo tries hard to bite back the whimper that wants to leave his throat when he sees how Jongin’s eyes are looking slightly wet.

 

„I don’t think Kyungsoo has anything to say to you.“ Baekhyun grasps Kyungsoo’s arm a little tighter and Jongin’s eyes follow the movement. 

 

„What’s going on here?“ Another voice is suddenly there, a boy with silver hair who looks at Baekhyun and him weirdly. „Who’s this?“ 

 

„Go back inside Sehun.“ Jongin says, shakes his head and he isn’t meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes anymore either. 

 

Kyungsoo’s chest is hurting, from lack of air, from how beautiful Jongin looks despite everything. 

 

„Yeah and you can go right with him.“ Baekhyun says to Jongin. Kyungsoo doesn’t have it in him to stop any of them. He’s still too confused about Jongin being here, about the feelings he pulls out of Kyungsoo so easily. 

 

„Who the fuck are you?“ Sehun asks, stepping forward and slightly in front of Jongin. 

 

„I believe I’m older than you so have some respect. Now take your douchebag of a friend and get lost.“ Baekhyun responds calmly.

 

„Watch your tone.“ Sehun huffs back irritatedly. 

 

This makes Baekhyun shake his head, let out a loud snort as if the situation is funny. „I’m not taking orders from someone who looks like my bleached but hole.“ 

 

Kyungsoo can only watch how Jongin holds his friend back.

 

„What the hell is your problem?“ Sehun asks, calmer now that Jongin is holding onto him.

 

The two of them keep bickering but Kyungsoo doesn’t hear them. He just feels dizzy and there's a pair of eyes that feel heavy and suffocating on him. He looks up slowly, meets Jongin’s pleading eyes and he isn’t sure how long he can fight him anymore. 

 

He looks so lost and tired but Kyungsoo feels even worse.

 

„Kyungsoo, let’s talk, please-“ Jongin speaks up, ignoring their friends who seem to want to pick up a fight. Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know how to say no to Jongin. 

 

„He doesn’t want to talk to you!“ Baekhyun cuts in for him. „Are you really going to be that much of an asshole? You’ve done more than enough! He’s not going to listen to your bullshit!“ 

 

It’s silent for a moment, the music from the club playing in the background. Kyungsoo feels so lost, especially when Jongin says „ _Hyung_ “ In such a pleading tone. It tugs at his heartstrings.

 

„Save it.“ Is all Baekhyun says before he starts turning them around towards the stairs.

 

There’s another grip on his arm but it’s not forcing, just there to keep him in place. „Hyung, please. Please don’t leave without listening to me.  _Please._ “

 

Jongin’s voice sounds so small and Kyungsoo feels his eyes prickle. How is it possible to be so upset about something that barely existed? 

 

A part of him doesn’t want to believe that Jongin is lying to him. A part of him simply wants to have back what they briefly had in New York and the other part knows that it’d be stupid and naive of him. 

 

And another part simply doesn’t want to make scene, doesn’t want to be so overly dramatic over something so utterly stupid. He really just wants to go home. 

 

He turns around despite Baekhyun’s protests and finds Jongin a lot closer. He’s the same height as the younger, with him stood on the steps of the stairs. It somehow helps with what he’s going to say next. „I don’t have to listen to you lying to my face to know that we wouldn’t have worked out.“ Kyungsoo speaks, voice surprisingly steady. „You probably did us both a favor. Let’s just forget about what happened and go on. Let’s hope we don’t see each other again.“ 

 

Jongin recoils from his words, shakes his head, and Kyungsoo can see close up how tears well up in his eyes. „You don’t mean that. Hyung please, don’t-“

 

„You’re really not used to people saying no to you, are you?“ Baekhyun intervenes again and that’s when Sehun curses loudly, steps forward to push at Baekhyun’s chest with a dangerous glint in his eyes. 

 

„Don’t talk as if you know anything.“ He mutters into Baekhyun’s face which doesn’t seem to phase him all that much. 

 

„I know that he’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve Kyungsoo’s attention.“ Baekhyun says.

 

„Oh yeah? He’s fucking  _begging_  him. I think it’s pretty clear who’s the heartless bitch in this.“ Sehun says back and they both seem to have some kind of eye battle but Sehun’s words cut Kyungsoo badly. 

 

Kyungsoo shakes himself free from both their grips and turns around without listening to his name being called. This is so ridiculous. They’re not fifteen anymore. He doesn’t need others to solve problems for him and he doesn’t need to listen to this kind of bullshit. He didn’t do  _anything wrong._

 

The night air hits his heated face and makes him hold his breath for a while. He walks until he’s not so close to the entrance anymore. There’s an empty bus stop so he sits down there. 

 

He’s crying like an idiot before he even knows it. It’s cold too, because he’s only wearing a thin T-shirt as his jacket is still inside and his body is slightly covered in sweat. 

 

His life clearly hates him a lot, for making any of this happen. How big are chances of Jongin and him meeting in a city as big as Seoul? 

 

And he can’t get Jongin’s face out of his mind, how hurt the younger looked and Kyungsoo caused that. And maybe Kyungsoo should’ve listened and maybe not. 

 

He just doesn’t know anything, and there are still angry tears running down his cheeks.

 

It takes Baekhyun a while to come after him but when he does he sits down beside Kyungsoo and drapes his jacket over his shoulders carefully. „Sorry I took so long. I went to get our jackets.“ 

 

Kyungsoo nods, takes a deep breath to stop the stupid tears. 

 

„I’m sorry Soo…“ Baekhyun slings an arm around his shoulders and puts his forehead to Kyungsoo’s biceps. Kyungsoo shakes his head and unconsciously puts a hand to his own chest, rubs there. „You’ll be fine. I promise.“ 

 

He just nods again and Baekhyun reaches up to wipe another tear away from his cheek.

 

Baekhyun squeezes his shoulders. „Come on. Let’s go.“

 

 

 

x

 

 


	8. Eight

 

x

 

The next morning’s painful. He wakes up with sore neck muscles, a foul taste in his mouth and eyelids that are stuck together, instantly bringing back memories of him crying in his drunk state in Baekhyun’s bed last night while the latter held him and played Clash Of Clans behind his back until Kyungsoo fell asleep. 

He groans and brings the covers up to hide his face. His head hurts badly but apparently the alcohol intake last night wasn’t enough to erase the memories of what had happened. 

Kyungsoo lets out another helpless sound as he remembers seeing Jongin in the club and how Kyungsoo didn’t listen to him when he probably should’ve. 

The door to his room creaks open and when Kyungsoo pulls the covers from his face he sees Baekhyun’s head peeking in. „You’re up!“ His best friend exclaims before he jumps onto Kyungsoo bed, sitting there cross legged. „How are you feeling?“ 

Kyungsoo only grunts in response and is about to dive back underneath his sheets but the hand Baekhyun shoots out and curls into the covers prevents him from doing so. „I want to die.“ Kyungsoo mumbles and closes his head as another flash of pain runs through his temples. 

His eyes feel sore too. He doesn’t remember, but he also doesn’t want to know, just how much he cried last night. 

„No you don’t.“ Baekhyun sighs. „Seriously though. Are you okay?“

Kyungsoo sits up and feels dizzy for a second. He shifts back until he can rest against the head bord, where he shrugs his shoulders. „I’m fine.“ 

Baekhyun frowns at that, looks at Kyungsoo with careful eyes. „Do you remember what happened last night?“ 

„Yes, Baekhyun. I remember meeting Jongin, I remember making a scene for nothing and I remember crying like an idiot over it the whole night.“ It makes him cringe, makes him want to turn back time to stop himself from being so embarrassing. 

He could’ve handled it better, in a much more mature way. Now with a clear head it just feels stupid, the way he reacted.

Baekhyun shrugs and huffs. „You’re not an idiot Soo.“ 

„I feel like one though.“ He mumbles. 

Jongin’s eyes come back to his mind, how he looked at Kyungsoo when he said he didn’t want to see him again. It makes his stomach clench and that frustrates him even more. 

It wasn’t wrong of him to try and protect himself and his feelings. He didn’t do anything wrong. 

But still, he feels guilty. 

Because Jongin… back in New York, he was so nice, so sweet and Kyungsoo was so rude to him just yesterday but then again the situation was entirely different but Kyungsoo doesn’t even know if Jongin did something to deserve that treatment because he refused to listen to the younger- 

Ugh..

„Why?“ Baekhyun asks. It takes Kyungsoo a few seconds to remember what his friend is referring to.

He bites at his lower lip, looks down at his lap where his fingers are intertwined. „Do you think I should’ve listened to him?“ 

„You regret not hearing him out.“ Baekhyun states, furrows his eyebrows at him which only makes Kyungsoo feel worse. 

„No.“ He says but that’s not right. „I mean… I was drunk and not… thinking clearly.“ 

What he wants to say _i_ s _yes, I regret it. I should’ve listened. There must be a good reason why Jongin didn’t call. He wouldn’t have played me like that._

But this stupid side in him, the one that’s one hundred percent sure that the reason Jongin didn’t call is simply the fact that he didn’t want to see Kyungsoo again, that Kyungsoo was just a nice fling to him. 

That side knows that Jongin would have told him lies if Kyungsoo had listened to him because that’s what people like Jongin do. Maybe the younger even hoped to get into his pants again last night if he could’ve made things right.

„What are you thinking about? I’ve never seen you frown like this.“ Baekhyun chuckles.

„Why am I like this?“ Kyungsoo sighs. „It’s like I can’t ever make up my mind. I’m so stupid.“ 

Baekhyun shakes his head and leans back on the bed so his legs are dangling from the edge. „You’re not. That’s just… your personality.“ He turns his head and grins at Kyungsoo. „That’s not to say you shouldn’t get an award for how much worrying you can do in one second.“

„Shut up.“ 

Kyungsoo rubs at his eyes, he’s too tired to think about this, it makes his head hurt. Baekhyun runs a hand through his hair.

„Look… It was my fault too, probably. I shouldn’t have interfered like that.“ Baekhyun shrugs. „I just get really protective of you when I’m drunk. And you looked terrible when you saw him.“ 

„It’s not your fault Baekhyun.“ Kyungsoo says. 

„But it’s not yours either.“ Baekhyun lets out a deep breath and shuffles closer. „Look Soo.. It was just bad timing, okay? You were both drunk and it was unexpected. It would be best if you guys could sit down and talk things out with a clear mind.“ 

Kyungsoo looks up, eyes his friend with narrowed eyes. „You suddenly think we should talk?“ Last time they talked about Jongin Baekhyun had a lot to say about the boy and none of it was particularly nice. 

Baekhyun gnaws at his lip and shrugs. „I just… Ugh, why are you both so complicated?!“ 

„You’re being weird.“ Kyungsoo frowns while he looks at his friend who now watches Kyungsoo with a conflicted look in his eyes.

„I know I said you should forget about him and that he’s an asshole and whatnot.. But after seeing him last night I’m sure he has a reason for everything that’s happened. I mean, he almost cried-“ 

„It doesn’t matter.“ Kyungsoo interrupts. „I couldn’t see him even if I wanted.“ 

He still doesn’t know a thing about Jongin except for his phone number which the younger has changed. Well okay, unlike himself, Jongin probably isn’t non existing on social networks so there should be at least some way to find him. 

But after last night Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s ready to even type in Jongin’s name into a search bar.

Baekhyun’s silent after that and looks at Kyungsoo as if he’s trying to tell him something but if that is the case, Kyungsoo certainly doesn’t understand a thing. 

„I’m taking a shower.“ He says instead and stands up to get a towel from the dresser.

„Be quick, I’ll make breakfast!“ Baekhyun exclaims. 

„Don’t you touch anything!“ Kyungsoo shouts back once he’s in the bathroom and hears Baekhyun’s cackle.

 

x

 

They spend the rest of the day cleaning and Baekhyun goes out grocery shopping while Kyungsoo rewrites some of his notes for his ancient literature class. 

It takes him almost three hours to get two pages done because he’s too distracted. He hates it, how his mind starts drifting off after four sentences, replaying the night before again and again in his mind until he has to close the books all together. He wants to forget about it but he knows that’s not going to happen. 

So when Baekhyun gets back home Kyungsoo talks him into playing some Call of duty with him which Baekhyun whines about all throughout and blames the controls every time he dies. 

„I pressed circle, I _pressed_ it hard okay?! Why the hell doesn’t it do what want it to?!“ He screams once and is about to throw the controller at the screen. 

„Stop! These are fucking expensive!“ Kyungsoo snatches the controller out of his hands before he can do something stupid. 

„Give it back.“ Baekhyun says. 

„Don’t break it. I’m serious.“ Kyungsoo hands him the controller again. Baekhyun’s annoying as hell to play with but it distracts Kyungsoo and he manages to get some of his frustration out on their opponents.

They play until their eyes are starting to hurt and Baekhyun starts complaining about being hungry. 

„It’s too early for dinner, just go eat a snack or something.“ Kyungsoo says and sits down on the couch, switching the TV on. 

He comes back later with a sand which and sits down next to Kyungsoo. There’s a rerun of a reality show Baekhyun and him sometimes watch. 

„She’s dangerous, I’m telling you.“ Baekhyun says through a mouthful. 

„I don’t get why you hate her so much.“ Kyungsoo yawns. 

„I know a sneaky bitch when I see one.“  

Kyungsoo wonders if Baekhyun’s talking about himself. 

Baekhyun keeps commenting about people on the TV, getting way too worked up about it as he always does but Kyungsoo stops listening at one point. 

Despite everything, he finds himself wishing that Jongin would be here next to him. 

That they could make things right because he really does miss the feeling he had around the younger and he misses the boy’s smile but all he can think about is that awful encounter from yesterday and he keeps wondering if he maybe fucked everything up. 

„Hey!“ Baekhyun suddenly shouts, making Kyungsoo jump. He turns his head and glares at his best friend. 

„What the hell?“ 

„I asked you the same question three times.“ Baekhyun says and shakes his head. „You’re thinking about Jongin, aren’t you?“ 

„I’m not.“ Kyungsoo crosses his arms over his chest and sinks lower on the couch, staring at the TV so Baekhyun will stop talking to him. 

„You’re such a bad liar, Soo. It’s awful.“ Baekhyun snorts. 

„Can you stop?“ 

„No I can’t. You’re back to your moping, miserable self again. We need to do something about you two.“ 

Kyungsoo eyes him from the corner of his eyes. „What’s gotten into you? Two days ago you called him a pile of wombat shit.“

Baekhyun chuckles. „Yeah… I already told you. I’m just good at reading people and something tells me that he’s not as much of an asshole like we thought he was.“ 

„You’re not making sense.“ Kyungsoo scoffed. „You made him shut up last night and now you’re on his side?“ 

„Kyungsoo.“ Baekhyun groans and rolls his eyes. „What are you talking about, sides? If there were sides you and Jongin should be one the fucking same one, got it?“ 

„No.“ Kyungsoo shot him another glare. „You’re creeping me out.“ 

„Whatever.“ Baekhyun gets up and stretches his arms. „Love always wins so we shouldn’t worry too much.“ 

„Get lost.“ 

„Love you too!“ His friend turns around and walks aways and Kyungsoo is left frowning to himself on the couch. 

What is Baekhyun trying to do? He’s making Kyungsoo feel even guiltier by sympathizing with Jongin.

The doorbell rings and Kyungsoo just knows it’s Chanyeol. They gave him a key to their apartment but that guy still can’t remember to take it with him whenever he comes over. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t get up to open for him because he knows he’ll just talk him down for it and then Chanyeol will pout all night until Kyungsoo apologizes.

„I’m taking a piss, open the fucking door!“ Baekhyun shouts from the bathroom.

Kyungsoo sighs, mentally preparing himself and trying to calm down. It’s not Chanyeol’s fault that he feels like this.

But really, it better be Chanyeol or something because he’s wearing sweatpants that have a hole right over the crotch area and he’s wearing his Captain America shirt that’s still too big on him- 

It is not Chanyeol. 

Kyungsoo stands there, mouth agape and watches the man in front of him shuffle on his feet. hands tucked away inside his coat because it’s the start of October and it’s chilly outside. His cheeks are slightly red too while he’s looking at Kyungsoo with nervous eyes. 

„Hey.“ He says quietly. 

Kyungsoo remembers to close his mouth. „Jongin“

They’re both silently watching each other but Kyungsoo has a storm hidden away inside, heart pounding heavily against his chest from how Jongin’s eyes are burning into his own. 

„How did you know-“ He trails off. He’s too nervous to even _talk._ It just makes it so much clearer that without the alcohol he would’ve probably ran away like a scared puppy last night upon coming face to face with Jongin. 

„Your friend he..“ Jongin’s tongue darts out to run over his lips. Kyungsoo’s eyes follow the movement, still remembering how it feels to be kissed by Jongin, to run his own tongue over those plump lips. „He gave me the address last night.“ 

Kyungsoo is at a loss for words. „Baekhyun?“ He asks weakly. 

Jongin gulps, then nods and the silence is awful, the tension too much and Kyungsoo feels like he’s about to burst.

„Who is it?“ He hears Baekhyun ask before he hears his footsteps behind him. „Oh.“ 

Kyungsoo doesn’t turn around, can’t, not when Jongin is looking at him like this and Kyungsoo thinks he looks so tired with those dark bags underneath his beautiful eyes. 

„Hi Jongin.“ Baekhyun greets the boy as he comes to stand by Kyungsoo’s side. 

Jongin smiles weakly at him and it looks as if the both of them are having a silent conversation and Kyungsoo is so confused, feels left out and just doesn’t know what’s going on. 

„Baek why did you-“ He starts and tries not to look at Jongin because at the moment the younger is rendering him speechless.

Baekhyun interrupts him before he can ask his question. „Jongin, why don’t you come in?“ He asks and clasps his fingers around Jongin’s wrist to pull him inside. 

Kyungsoo quickly moves away so Jongin doesn’t collide with him and he hates how flustered he gets when he feels Jongin’s arm brush his own. 

He watches silently, how Baekhyun takes Jongin’s coat and then leads him to the living room. Kyungsoo doesn’t move, just keeps standing in their corridor where he stares at the blank wall. 

He wasn’t prepared to face Jongin yesterday but he’s even less prepared to do it right now. Because he doesn’t know why Jongin is here, after what happened last night. 

Baekhyun comes back a minute later and puts a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder which makes him look up into his friend’s face. „You need to talk to him.“ 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. „I don’t get it… when did you-“

„Last night, after you left and I told you I went to get our jackets?“ Baekhyun stares at him until Kyungsoo nods. „I asked him to tell me what happened and he did and I just… I couldn’t let something so fucking ridiculous get between you two.“

„What?“ Kyungsoo frowns at him. „Why didn’t you tell me?“ 

Baekhyun shrugs. „I mean, I didn’t know if he really would show up or not.“ He explains.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. „I can’t talk to him.. I don’t know what to say.“

„You don’t have to say anything. Just hear him out. And maybe forgive him because he really seems to be serious about you Kyungsoo.“ 

But Kyungsoo feels his heart try and beat it’s way out of his chest. „No…“

„Soo..“ Baekhyun sighs and then there are arms around him and Baekhyun’s familiar scent around him. „What’re you scared of?“ 

Kyungsoo steps out of the embrace and brings his hands up to rub his eyes. „ _Him“_ He sighs. „Just seeing him makes me… It’s just not okay.“ 

Baekhyun chuckles. „You’re not making sense.“ 

„Baek I’m serious.“ He brings a hand up to his chest, presses his palm against the left side as if to emphasize his point. Baekhyun’s eyes follow the movement and there’s a smile on his face, followed by a shake of his head.

„Yeah, that’s called being in love you fucking idiot.“ Baekhyun sighs and pries Kyungsoo’s hand away from his chest. „I’m going to stay at Chanyeol’s tonight. Call me if he does something stupid. And just… stop overthinking everything Soo.“ 

He feels Baekhyun press a kiss to his temple and hears the door falling shut after. 

He stays like that for another minute, trying to calm his heart and trying to collect his thoughts. It’s a mess up there, there’s not one single clear thought, nothing that would come out right if he were to open his mouth right now. 

But Jongin’s there, and he’s been waiting for almost ten minutes and Kyungsoo can’t hide any longer so he forces his legs to move. 

He can see Jongin sitting on one of the couches when he’s standing in the doorway to the living room. He’s got his forearms leaned against his thighs, his fingers intertwined between his knees. He looks as if he’s asleep and he looks like a mess, wearing a simple green sweater and his hair looks as if he ran his fingers through it a few times too much. 

But who is Kyungsoo to judge with his print on shirt he got for his sixteenth birthday.

He quietly walks closer until Jongin finally notices him, head snapping up at the sound of footsteps. 

The younger immediately shoots to his feet, looks at Kyungsoo with a nervous look in his eyes. 

Kyungsoo sighs and tries to get his shit together. „Do you want tea?“ 

Jongin stares at him, one second and then another before he finally nods. Kyungsoo stares right back and nods, turns around to head into the kitchen. 

Once he’s alone in the kitchen he feels like he can breathe again and he leans against the counter while the water is brewing, shakes his head at himself and at Jongin for making such a mess of everything. 

He can’t really get it out of his mind, how he almost made Jongin cry yesterday. It hurts to think about, he doesn’t even care how much tears Jongin has caused him. There has to be a reason why Baekhyun gave him their address, a very good reason and it only makes him feel worse, having treated Jongin like that when the boy maybe didn’t do anything to deserve it. 

He hears a sound behind him and turns around, jumping a bit when he sees Jongin standing there. 

There’s an awkward silence again, just them staring at each other in a way that makes the air around them feel heavy and suffocating. 

„You scared me.“ Kyungsoo mumbles to fill the silence. 

„Sorry.“

„You can sit down.“ He tilts his head into the direction of the table in the middle of the kitchen. 

But Jongin doesn’t sit down, he just keeps staring at Kyungsoo with those eyes until Kyungsoo’s heartbeat can be heard in his own ears, louder than the kettle going off.

_Stop looking at me,_ is what he wants to say.

„Jongin-“ 

„Hyung.“ Jongin takes a step closer. „I need to talk you.“ The younger sounds as if Kyungsoo is going to say no, as if Kyungsoo might just kick him out and reject him the way he did the night before. 

„Okay.“ Kyungsoo says. „Let me finish the tea first.“

Kyungsoo pours the tea into the mugs where he’s already put the teabags in. He doesn’t even know if Jongin likes raspberry tea but they’ve run out of every other tea since Baekhyun tends to get sick really easily. 

When he turns around Jongin is still not sitting, just standing there with eyes cast downwards while he fiddles with the hem of his sweater. Kyungsoo wonders why Jongin looks so tired, if they stayed into the morning hours at that club after Baekyhun and him left. 

„Sit down.“ He says as he places the mugs on the table and takes a seat on one side. Jongin sits down on the other side, right in front of him and his hands come up to rest left and right of the cup, as if to warm them up and Kyungsoo briefly thinks it’s cute, how the sleeves are covering half of his hands. 

But then he remembers what’s about to happen and the thought vanishes as quickly as it came, especially when Jongin looks up with those eyes.

„Did Baekhyun hyung tell you anything?“ Jongin breaks the silence after a few seconds. 

Kyungsoo shakes his head while he eyes the steam over the dark liquid inside his cup. „No.“ 

„Do you… still not want to listen?“ Jongin asks next and when Kyungsoo looks up into his eyes, hates how insecure Jongin looks and hates himself even more for causing that look. 

„Look.“ He starts and takes a deep breath. „I was drunk yesterday. I should’ve at least listened before just… making assumptions.“ 

„No.“ Jongin shakes his head and Kyungsoo sees his hand twitch, wonders if Jongin would still want to hold Kyungsoo’s hand. If he wants to right now. „Please don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong.“ 

Kyungsoo gulps. „Okay. I’m listening.“

It’s silent again after his question and Jongin’s face doesn’t give anything away aside from exhaustion. „I don’t know how to explain it to you without sounding like I’m making things up.“ 

It sounds like the start of a lie. 

But Kyungsoo just thinks about Baekhyun, knows that if someone like Baekhyun believes in Jongin then there has to be at least some truth behind it. 

„I just want you to tell me the truth. It’s not that hard… if you don’t- if you don’t want to see me again that’s fine, Jongin.“ Kyungsoo says and curls his fingers around his mug to get some warmth and maybe distract himself from how it feels to be alone with Jongin again. He doesn’t want to have this talk, he just wants to get it over with. Maybe the outcome will be positive, who knows. But that doesn’t mean his back isn’t so tense it’s starting to hurt. 

„Do you think that?“ Jongin asks. Kyungsoo looks up, sees how hurt Jongin looks. „Hyung, do you think I don’t want to see you again?“ 

Kyungsoo shrugs. „I don’t know what to think.“

„I wanted to see you every single day since New York.“ Jongin says.

„Why did you change your number then?“ Kyungsoo asks, staring back.

„I had to.“ Jongin sighs, and brings his hands up to rub them over his face and then his eyes. He blinks once, twice and he looks so tired Kyungsoo just wants to wrap him up in blankets and make him sleep for an entire day. „Okay. Look… after you left on Friday, when I got back to my dorm I got a call from Sehun. I had to go back home the same day… and I was just in such a hurry, I almost missed the flight. I wanted to call you once I arrived home but when I got there I didn’t have my phone with me. And I just.. I must’ve left it at the airport or in the taxi, I don’t know.“ 

Kyungsoo listens quietly and everything in him screams _lies, lies, lies_ but then again why would Jongin avoid him, only to come here and try to explain himself?

„I tried to call you.“ Kyungsoo says quietly, not really sure why but he feels like he has to say something. 

Jongin gulps and he looks as if he’s in pain. „I had to lock my number.“ He explains, his voice cracks a little and he clears his throat. „I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. I’m such an idiot, I’m just really forgetful and I can’t believe it’s lead to this…“

What he wants to do is stand up and hug Jongin, tell him that it’s okay, that mistakes happen. 

But his mind doesn’t allow it, because he knows how people can be, has been lied to before countless times because people think he’s naive. 

Kyungsoo keeps looking at Jongin while his mind is reeling and his heart is pounding painfully inside his ribcage.

He sees the moment Jongin realizes what’s going on. The younger slumps back in his seat, and he tilts his head down, his bangs hiding his face from Kyungsoo. 

Jongin doesn’t look up for a while and it worries Kyungsoo. „Jongin…“ 

When their eyes meet again the hurt in Jongin’s eyes is clear as day, just like the night before, and it’s just as hard to look at. „You don’t believe me, do you?“ He mumbles and his voice is shaking a bit. 

It throws him off, how vulnerable Jongin looks and he just thinks it should be the other way around, shouldn’t it? „I do Jongin, I just…“ He sighs, shrugs his shoulders helplessly. He feels tired himself, wishes he could switch off his stupid mind and just say that it’s okay and forget about everything that had happened. 

Like a normal person would. If Jongin didn’t have enough of him until now he would certainly after this. No one should have to prove themselves like this.

„Hyung.“ Jongin says quietly and waits until Kyungsoo meets his eyes. „It’s okay if you don’t believe me. But you have to believe that everything I said and did in New York was real.“ Kyungsoo feels himself warm up at the memories, of kissing Jongin, and now the younger was here again and things were so wrong. „You’re the first person I’ve ever felt so… strong about. I know I barely know you but I can’t get you out of my mind and I don’t want to either. It’s probably too soon to feel like this. I don’t care… but I messed up and I don’t-“ Jongin stops and Kyungsoo sees it, even if Jongin is quick to wipe his hand across his cheek, he sees the tear and it tugs at his heart strings. „I don’t know how to fix it. I just don’t want this to be over, not when it hasn’t even started.“ 

Kyungsoo can’t listen any longer, he feels terrible and scared and excited, all at the same time when he watches Jongin look at him like this, saying those words and there’s no traces of a lie anywhere, not in his words and not in his features. „The situation was just- it made me feel like I was just a fling to you.“ He hates how his eyes are stinging a bit.

Jongin looks devastated „You’re not, you’re not Kyungsoo-“ His voice breaks a little. „Don’t cry, please don’t-“

„Stop.“ Kyungsoo sighs, sniffs a little too.

„Kyungsoo.“ Jongin gulps. „I’m sorry. You never were just a fling to me, you have to believe that. You’re so much more than that.“

It’s silent after that and Kyunsoo takes a deep breath. „I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.“

„You did now, that’s all that matters.“ Jongin says quietly, still looks guilty as if Kyungsoo’s tears cause him pain.

„Why are you so nice?“ Kyungsoo huffs, brushes his knuckles over his eyes swiftly to stop the wetness there from turning into stupid tears.

Jongin presses his lips together. „Because it’s you.“ 

Kyungsoo wants to shake his head at Jongin, at those words leaving his pretty mouth and how every single one churns his insides

They’re both silent for a moment, just staring at each other but after a few seconds there’s a hint of a smile tentative smile on Jongin’s face, barely there but it’s enough to make Kyungsoo’s heart flutter and tug on the corners of his own lips. He watches Jongin’s smile grow, and the younger’s cheeks are slightly red and it’s almost like in the bar in New York after Jongin’s show. 

„So…“ Kyungsoo starts and Jongin lets out a chuckle at that and Kyungsoo’s just glad the tension is ebbing away, making space for something warmer. 

„So.. do you still hate me?“ Jongin asks. 

It makes Kyungsoo laugh a little. „Jongin…“ He shakes his head and bites his lip while he’s smiling at the younger almost fondly. It’s weird, how miserable he’s been for the past few weeks, probably for nothing although a small part inside him still thinks that Jongin is lying, like why would someone like Jongin even bother with someone like Kyungsoo. 

But then he sees the way Jongin is looking at him and he pushes that thought far back into his mind.

„I still have to take you out on a date.“ Jongin says. „And you still have to sing for me.“ 

Kyungsoo bites his lip when his heart beats a little faster at Jongin’s words. He shakes his head. „How haven’t you forgotten about that?“ 

Jongin just shrugs and his smile is smaller now, almost shy. „I missed you.“ He says. 

Kyungsoo looks down for a moment, trying not to smile like an idiot before he looks at Jongin again, mumbling „I missed you too.“ back. 

„You did?“ Jongin’s smile has turned into a smirk now. Kyungsoo sighs with warm cheeks.

„I take it back.“ He gets up to throw away his tea since it’s already turned cold.

Kyungsoo focuses on washing his cup and although he’s done after a minute he keeps scrubbing it to distract himself. He doesn’t know what to do now, doesn’t know if things will just go back to how they were in New York. He also still feels conflicted about everything because when isn’t he? 

But most of all he just wants Jongin to act normal again so he can stop being so tense and so his heart can calm down again. He can feel Jongin’s eyes on his back for minutes and it’s just silent and uncomfortable. 

When Jongin doesn’t move behind him or speak Kyungsoo closes his eyes and shuts off the tab. He’s the older one, he needs to stop being such a weakling all the time. Jongin is quite shy and it isn’t helping when Kyungsoo acts like a scared little boy too.

So he turns around after drying his hands on a towel and he sees Jongin tilt his head up and look into his eyes. The younger looks nervous but also hopeful and that almost makes him smile a little. 

It seems as if Jongin is expecting some sort of heads up from Kyungsoo and he decides to give it to him since his own hands are starting to itch from the urge to have Jongin close and to touch him again. 

„Come here.“ He says while leaning back against the counter. He tries to look calm and reassuring but boy, if Jongin only knew how his stomach flips when he looks into Kyungsoo’s eyes with this careful look, as if to make sure it’s okay for him to actually come closer. 

Kyungsoo lifts a hand up but it’s shaking a little and he can only hope that Jongin doesn’t notice it. The younger then finally pushes his chair back and gets up, approaching Kyungsoo with timid steps.

When he’s finally standing close enough Jongin meets Kyungsoo’s fingers with his own, sliding them between the gaps and curling them slowly so their hands are clasped together. Kyungsoo tugs him closer like that, until the tips of their feet are touching and he feels a smile coming up at how shy Jongin is acting. 

Kyungsoo reaches his arm out and snakes it around Jongin’s waist and he hears an exhale from Jongin before he finally moves on his own. He leans his head down, hides his face in Jongin’s chest while Jongin wraps him up in his own arms, pulling him that much closer.

It’s only then that the tension leaves his body, makes him close his eyes and hold on a bit tighter while he tries to calm down from how much his heart is beating, from being so close to Jongin again.

„I’m really sorry.“ Jongin mumbles and Kyungsoo tries not to shudder when the younger brushes his lips against his neck. „I’m going to make it up to you hyung, I promise.“

Kyungsoo closes his eyes and shakes his head, takes a deep breath and smells Jongin’s fabric softener. „Stop apologizing. Stuff like that happens.“

„But I hate having made you feel like that.“ Jongin whispers against his neck, then presses a kiss there that has Kyungsoo tighten his grip on Jongin’s back. „I want to make you smile. And happy. I want to be good for you hyung.“ 

„You _are_ good. You’re too good for me.…“ Kyungsoo sighs, rubs his nose against Jongin’s chest. „You don’t know how you make me feel Jongin.“ 

Jongin makes a soft sound against his skin. „How do I make you feel?“ He whispers against the skin behind Kyungsoo’s ear. It sends shivers down Kyungsoo’s spine. 

It’s then that he feels Jongin’s heart beating against his temple and he brings a hand up to feel it better, smiles a little bit at how hard it beats against his palm. He taps his finger there. „Like this.“ He mumbles and feels Jongin’s arms tighten around him. „Your heart’s beating awfully fast.“ 

„It’s your fault.“ Jongin says and when Kyungsoo looks up and sees the look in Jongin’s eyes and he leans up and Jongin leans down to connect their lips. 

Kyungsoo sighs into it, all the tension from the past week leaving him with just one touch of Jongin’s lips. Jongin pulls back, briefly and he looks almost relieved and so beautiful Kyungsoo can barely look at him. He huffs out a warm breath against Kyungsoo’s lips, slots their lips together again right after.

One kiss turns into two, soft little pecks that make their bodies melt into each other, with Kyungsoo’s hands wandering up and into Jongin’s hair to pull him down closer. Jongin presses their foreheads together for the next kiss, his arms pulling Kyungsoo in until there’s no inch of space left and he feels weak, having Jongin pressed up against him like this, his tongue running over the seam of his lips.

When Kyungsoo pulls away a whimper comes with it and he has troubles opening his eyes for a moment, breathless from the kiss. He looks up, sees Jongin’s closed eyes, the furrow in his eyebrows and the way he’s panting and it only makes his blood rush faster. He leans up, presses his lips to the corner of Jongin’s mouth until the younger blinks his eyes open. 

A smile spreads across Jongin’s face then and he leans down, presses their temples together. Kyungsoo hides his own smile in Jongin’s shoulder. They stay like this, hugging each other while Jongin seems like he doesn’t want to stop nuzzling Kyungsoo’s neck, pressing soft kisses there until Kyungsoo feels too content and sleepy in his arms.

„Are you hungry?” Kyungsoo asks, a bit out of place but he’s scared that once Jongin comes out of his daze he’ll start the serious talk again and he doesn’t want that right now. Jongin’s fingers brush against a patch of skin on his hip.

The younger hums against his neck and pulls away. Jongin looks genuinely happy and it spreads a warm feeling through his chest. “I could take you out.” Jongin says quietly. “It could be our first date.”

“You don’t have to take me out.” Kyungsoo says.

“But then it’s not a date.”

“A date can be simple too, Jongin.” Kyungsoo chuckles at the pout on Jongin’s face. “I was about to cook anyways.” 

“Hyung.” Jongin mumbles. “ _I_ should cook for you. You’re messing it all up.”

“I’m not.” Kyungsoo laughs and Jongin just pulls him closer, presses them together and rubs his face against Kyungsoo’s neck. “It doesn’t matter, you’re here and that’s better than anything else.”

Jongin makes a flustered sound and only presses closer to hide his face.

“Jongin” Kyungsoo laughs and tries to push him away to look into his eyes but he only catches sight of a little smile on the younger’s face and the tips of his ears that have turned red.

Suddenly Jongin leans down, so his arms are wrapped around Kyungsoo’s waist instead and then he actually lifts Kyungsoo up to make him sit on the counter before Kyungsoo can stop him. 

He looks down at Jongin, too flustered to even say something. He’s not angry or anything, just embarrassed. He knows he’s small and not as strong as Jongin but now he doesn’t even feel manly anymore. And there’s also an odd sensation in his lower abdomen from Jongin’s actions, from being… _manhandled_ but it makes his face heat up and he desperately ignores it. 

Jongin looks like he knows, he steps into the V of Kyungsoo’s legs and wraps his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist again and then looks up with a face of an innocent puppy. 

„I’m sorry.“ They younger mumbles with slightly red cheeks. 

Kyungsoo shakes his head and puts on a smile before Jongin starts to pout or something equally as bad. His hands reach out for the front of Jongin’s jumper to pull him closer and he rests his hands there, brushes his fingers over Jongin’s chest while the younger looks up at him.  

„I’m really glad we met.“ Jongin says and it sounds so sincere, and he looks so endearing that Kyungsoo leans down to push their lips together, Jongin’s arms around his waist instantly pulling closer. The kiss is too long, when they part Kyungsoo pants for air against Jongin’s lips and he feels hot all over from how Jongin is looking at him. 

„Me too.“ He says and it makes Jongin smile, makes him lean closer until his forehead touches Kyungsoo’s chin. Kyungsoo smiles too, brings his hands up to burry them in Jongin’s soft hair. It’s something he could only do like this, he’s too small otherwise but it feels good. 

Jongin seems younger again and it sends a sense of responsibility as well as worry through Kyungsoo’s chest. He presses his lips to Jongin’s hairline and feels the younger fingers on his skin, back where he’s pushed the hem of his shirt up, gentle and soothing. 

„Hyung…“ Jongin says after a while. 

Kyungsoo hums in response. 

„I…“ He stops and huffs out a breath. Kyungsoo pulls back to look at his face and finds Jongin looking nervous more than anything.

„What?“ He asks, can’t help it when he feels a bit anxious about what comes next.

Jongin looks conflicted for a second, it’s gone as fast as it came though and his eyes grow soft before he shakes his head. „Nothing.“ 

Kyungsoo feels worry settle in his stomach either way and he hates it because seconds ago he’d felt so blissed out. „No, tell me.“ 

„It’s nothing, I promise. I’ll tell you some other time.“ Jongin says and his smile grows at the upset look on Kyungsoo’s face.

„Jongin-“ 

He never gets to finish, Jongin takes his face into his hands and kisses him until he’s breathless and dizzy. And when they part the younger presses soft kisses to his cheeks and his temples and his jaw until Kyungsoo’s shuddering, fingers digging into Jongin’s arms to steady himself.

But despite his fluttering heart he fears he’ll never know what Jongin wanted to say.

 

 

 

x

 

 


	9. Nine

 

x 

 

„You know“ Jongin says while he’s stirring the noodles with a wooden spoon. „I haven’t burned ramen again ever since we cooked it together in New York.“ 

Kyungsoo is still sitting on the counter. Jongin didn’t let him cook after all and what they’ve settled for is Kyungsoo leading Jongin through every step of preparing their dinner. 

Kyungsoo hums at Jongin’s words, a little smile spreading across his face at the memory. „You can let the noodles cook for a while. You should finish cutting the vegetable.“ He instructs and Jongin does what he says. Kyungsoo watches a little anxiously as Jongin picks up the sharp knife. 

It isn’t that he doesn’t trust Jongin with the cooking. But it’s just… Jongin may be unbelievably skilled at dancing but he’s a little clumsy when it comes to certain other things. Like handling a sharp knife.

And while Kyungsoo finds it endearing how hard Jongin’s trying, he also finds it really hard to not cover his eyes in fear of watching Jongin chop off the tips of his fingers instead of the carrots. 

„Be careful Jongin.“ He mumbles a little urgently. „And hold your fingers straight.“

Jongin looks up at him but he doesn’t stop chopping the carrot. „I am careful.“

„You’re not, pay attention!“ He huffs and hops off the counter. He pries the knife from Jongin’s fingers and pushes him away despite the younger’s protests. 

„Kyungsoo.“ Jongin whines and when Kyungsoo looks up with a stern expression there’s a pout on Jongin’s face. „Did I do it wrong?“ 

His face softens involuntarily because Jongin really is trying to impress him so hard, it makes him feel warm all over but he’d rather not have to get the first aid kit just because he can’t handle Jongin’s puppy eyes. He smiles genty at the younger. „No but we can do it together, right?“ 

„But-“

„Together.“ Kyungsoo insists.

Jongin makes another irritated sound but keeps quiet once he realizes Kyungsoo isn’t having it. He’s moved on to cutting the cucumber into thin stripes and Jongin is leaning back against the counter, arms crossed in front of his chest while he watches Kyungsoo work. 

It’s unnerving, really, because Kyungsoo’s trying to pay attention to what he’s doing but he can feel Jongin’s eyes on every visible patch of his skin and it’s like the younger isn’t even blinking in order to watch him. 

„Stop staring.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, hopes that Jongin can’t see how affected he gets just from the feeling of Jongin’s gaze lingering on him. 

Jongin actually averts his eyes which surprises Kyungsoo a bit. „Sorry.“ He says and starts fiddling with the hem of his shirt. 

Kyungsoo’s hand stills and he worries if he said something wrong. Jongin does tend to stare until one feels uncomfortable but Kyungsoo didn’t want him to stop because of that. He won’t say it out loud but he likes the way Jongin looks at him. He likes it a lot. 

But now Jongin looks like a scolded puppy and it’s literally impossible to handle it.

He picks up a small piece of cucumber and goes to stand in front of Jongin, makes him look up with a tap to his chin. „Open up.“ 

Jongin stares at him for a moment before he parts his lips and Kyungsoo can slide the cucumber in. It makes Kyungsoo want to laugh, how Jongin still looks like a kicked puppy while he munches on it. 

„Did I hurt your feelings?“ Kyungsoo asks and his lips twitch at the sad expression on Jongin’s face. 

Jongin shakes his head and swallows before answering. „I like looking at you. But you don’t like it. That’s a problem.“ 

Kyungsoo just looks at him, how Jongin furrows his eyebrows as if he’s actually being honest. „You’re ridiculous, _that’s_ the problem.“ 

And Jongin only pouts again at his words and Kungsoo feels his heart grow an inch for this stupid boy. 

He leans up to press their lips together, feels Jongin’s pout melt against his mouth and the soft exhale against his cheek. He brings his hands up to frame Jongin’s face and drags his tongue over Jongin’s lips, pulling a soft noise from the younger’s throat with it. 

Jongin pulls away, only a fraction because their lips are still nearly touching but it’s easier to look into the other’s eyes with the distance. He looks a bit dazed and his tongue darts out to lick over his lips. Kyungsoo feels a feeling of satisfaction run through his system at the sight of him, knowing that it’s Kyungsoo that caused it with nothing but a kiss. 

„You can call me ridiculous as much as you want if you kiss me like that after.“ Jongin mumbles, leaning closer so their lips brush as he speaks. 

There’s something in the younger’s eyes that makes Kyungsoo gulp and even though everything in him wants to kiss Jongin senseless he pulls back a little. But Jongin follows, head bent because of their difference in hight, closing in on Kyungsoo with a look in his eyes that almost makes him moan. „Jongin. The noodles.. you know what happened last time.“ 

„But I want to kiss you.“ Jongin says, as if that’s reason enough. Kyungsoo admires him for always being so honest but it’s also too much to take in.

Kyungsoo shakes his head and laughs and Jongin smiles and then leans down to kiss Kyungsoo, make him shut up. It’s a bit of a mess, they’re both still smiling, with Jongin winding his arms tightly around Kyungsoo’s waist and him wrapping his own around Jongin’s shoulders. 

His hand slides up to Jongin’s neck and higher to curl into the soft hair there, guiding their mouths together at a better angle. 

Kissing Jongin makes Kyungsoo feel things he never felt before, it makes him forget every single worry in his mind, makes him forget insecurities because the hot drag of Jongin’s tongue against his own wipes it all away, the feeling of Jongin against him, so warm and solid, makes him want to keep the younger by his side forever.

Jongin pulls away too soon and Kyungsoo can’t quite open his eyes so he jumps when he feels lips on his throat. He holds onto Jongin’s biceps when the younger starts pressing kisses there, trailing down to his neck and up again. 

„You’re becoming my favorite person.“ Jongin mumbles when he stops kissing him, rests his head against Kyungsoo’s shoulder as if he’s tired. Their chests are brushing softly with every inhale. 

Jongin’s words warm Kyungsoo to the core of his bones, he cradles the back of the younger’s back and leans into his neck to press a soft kiss there. His other hand rests on Jongin’s side, feels the muscles underneath his palm and his thumb rubs over the ridges of his ribs. „Are you always this honest about your feelings?“ Kyungsoo asks quietly, taking in Jongin’s scent. 

He can’t really describe it but it reminds him of New York, probably from when he used Jongin’s body wash. Almost like fresh peaches with something that’s probably just Jongin’s natural scent, something that he would always recognize because he can only find it when he runs his nose along a patch of his soft skin. 

„I try to be.“ Is Jongin’s answer. 

Kyungsoo smiles but it turns sad. He forgot about Jongin’s past and it makes it harder to understand, why Jongin is so open about everything when people have pushed him down in the worst way for it.

„You’ll get hurt.“ Kyungsoo whispers. He doesn’t know why he’s so sad all of a sudden but it makes him hold Jongin closer. 

Jongin only shrugs and rubs his face against Kyungsoo’s shoulder, curls closer as if Kyungsoo isn’t almost a head smaller than him. „I’ll take it. If it means I get to have you.“ 

„You have me either way, Jongin.“ 

This makes the younger pull away with a smirk on his face. „Still wondering how I got so lucky.“ 

Kyungsoo snorts and shakes his head at him, the moment completely ruined but Jongin only grins wider until his eyes almost disappear and Kyungsoo skips his next inhale in order to take it in.

It gets interrupted either way because there’s hissing noises coming from behind them and when Kyungsoo turns around the water from the noodles is boiling over. He groans and quickly pulls the pot away so it stops boiling. 

„Oops.“ He hears Jongin mumble. He turns around and raises his eyebrows at him. 

„I told you this would happen!“ 

Jongin pouts. „I’m sorry.“ He comes closer but Kyungsoo puts a hand up to keep him away. Jongin grabs it and intertwines their fingers, completely ignoring the actual reason Kyungsoo held out his hand. „It’s hard to control myself when you’re around.“ 

Kyungsoo really tries to not give in again but it’s not so easy, especially not when Jongin looks at him like this. As if Kyungsoo’s the best thing he’s ever seen. 

„Well you better keep your hands to yourself now or there won’t be dinner.“ Kyungsoo says but it comes out weak when Jongin pulls him closer by the hand.

„But-“

Kyungsoo shakes his head. He really needs to stop acting like a teenager in love. „Why don’t you go sit in the living room? I’ll call you when I’m done.“ 

„Why?“ Jongin looks like a reluctant child and Kyungsoo’s starting to wonder how this boy actually is an over twenty year old man. 

„You distract me.“ Kyungsoo huffs, taking his band back. 

„I do?“ Jongin looks too happy about that. Kyungsoo stands his ground, no matter how much his stomach is doing stupid somersaults in his stomach from looking at Jongin’s beautiful smile and his radiant eyes, caused by such simple words coming out of Kyungsoo’s mouth. „Okay but.. what am I supposed to do until then?“

„You can chose a movie. Baekhyun’s got a collection in the drawer under the TV.“ Kyungsoo says and Jongin actually complies and leaves the kitchen but not before looking back to snicker when he catches Kyungsoo’s eyes shoot upwards from where they were stuck on the lower regions of Jongin’s body.

„Go!“ Kyungsoo says loudly, face flaming.

He can still hear Jongin’s laugh when he finally drains the noodles.

 

x

 

"This is really good." Jongin hums happily around the food in his mouth.

It’s about half an hour later, when they’re sitting on the couch, watching the second Avengers movie and Jongin has his legs thrown over Kyungsoo’s lap while he’s eating his dinner. He’s talking through a mouthful, with noodles hanging from his mouth and if he were Baekhyun Kyungsoo would be telling him to stop eating like a pig.

But this is Jongin and when he does it, it doesn’t bother Kyungsoo the slightest and he’s too embarrassed to even admit it to himself. He almost finds it cute. 

For god’s sake, he finds it endearing, okay? He can barely touch his own food, too busy watching how happily Jongin is eating the food Kyungsoo prepared for him. 

His words make Kyungsoo feel a bit happy though, since he cooks so much for Baekhyun all the time but the latter barely ever says anything about it. "It's just noodles and vegetables." Kyungsoo mumbles and picks up a piece of beef with his chopsticks. "It's nothing special." 

But the younger only shrugs. "Well, it is to me." Maybe it's then that Jongin notices that he shouldn't speak with his mouth full because his neck turns red for a moment and he chews the food down before opening his mouth again. "No one's ever cooked for me." He says then. Kyungsoo looks up at him questioningly. "No one special, at least."

They look at each other for a moment and Kyungsoo once again asks himself how he got himself into this kind of situation, sitting with someone like Jongin on his couch and thinking that it would be okay if Jongin never left again. Or how a person like Jongin can call someone like Kyungsoo special, it all is a mystery to him. 

"I don't mind cooking. For you." He says instead of what he really wants to say. Something along the lines of _I’d cook for you every day if that means you’ll stay_. But he can't say that. 

It makes Jongin smile nonetheless. "That's good because I really don’t mind eating it either."

Kyungsoo turns to stare at the younger. „You’re-“

„Ridiculous. I know.“ Jongin finishes for him and then smiles when he notices that it was in fact what Kyungsoo had wanted to say. 

He glances over and still, after everything, finds himself blushing when their eyes meet. 

Jongin chuckles and looks down into his bowl and Kyungsoo can’t help but laugh too although it comes out nervous more than anything.

He doesn’t really know what they are now. This is technically their first date.

„Thank you for cooking.“ Jongin places his bowl down and takes Kyungsoo’s empty one too for him. „It was really good, hyung.“

„You’re welcome.“ Kyungsoo says.

The movie’s halfway over and Kyungsoo’s seen it so many times he gets distracted really fast. His eyes dart over to Jongin’s profile and the younger’s own are glued to the screen. They don’t sit close together which Kyungsoo doesn’t appreciate but he can’t really bring himself to move closer. 

Jongin obviously feels his stare and catches him before Kyungsoo can avert his eyes. „Is there something on my face?“ He asks, the corners of his lips twitching. 

„There is, actually.“ Kyungsoo chuckles and points to his chin, right underneath his bottom lip. „You’ve got some sauce sticking there.“

The younger groans. „So much for impressing you on our first date.“ 

„Come here.“ Kyungsoo smiles and Jongin still looks upset about the sauce on his lip which is stupid. Kyungsoo already thinks he’s the most beautiful person on this planet, nothing could really change that by now. 

He lifts his hand to hold Jongin’s face once the younger sits closer, holding it in place with one and bringing his other one up to wipe the sauce away.

He can feel Jongin staring at him while he cleans his lower lip and it has butterflies fluttering around in his chest wildly, especially when Jongin takes Kyungsoo’s hand after he’s done, bringing it up to his mouth to lick away the sauce. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything while Jongin smiles at him innocently. He decides to ignore that any of this happened in the past four seconds, just clears his throat and rubs the excess saliva away by swiping his thumb over Jongin’s sweater.

„That was unnecessary.“ Kyungsoo manages to say without giving away that Jongin’s affecting him in any way. He leans back on the couch, trying to focus on the movie rather than the burning sensation in his stomach caused by the feeling of Jongin’s wet tongue on his skin.

Jongin shrugs and leans back too, their sides touching with how close they’re sitting now. „Probably.“ He says. 

Kyungsoo turns his head to give him a glare or something but he can’t really do it. He finds that he can’t really do anything but smile like an idiot once he’s faced with Jongin’s gorgeous eyes and that smile of his. 

He sighs and leans his forehead to Jongin’s shoulder. Jongin in return brings a hand up to cradle the back of Kyungsoo’s head, turning so he can press a gentle kiss to Kyungsoo’s hair. „You okay?“ 

Kyungsoo hums in response. 

He feels good. 

Jongin feels good.

Everything feels so good it’s almost a bit worrying.

 

 

They watch the movie silently after that. At least until the silence gets interrupted.

Kyungsoo can hear Jongin’s phone going off every now and then, vibrating where it’s hidden in the pocket of his jeans. And he also notices how Jongin slowly but surely tenses beside him, especially after pulling his phone out to seemingly read a message he got.

Kyungsoo bites at his lip as Jongin shoves the phone away again. He wants to ask if everything’s fine but he doesn’t know if he’s got the right to pry. 

A moment later Jongin’s phone starts vibrating again, this time for a longer period of time, meaning that he’s getting a call.

But Jongin ignores that one too. 

The call ends, Jongin shifts uncomfortably beside him and the movie is forgotten, at least for Kyungsoo. 

Why is Jongin acting like this? 

He’s already thinking about the worst, wants to pull away and maybe ask because he can, right? It’s allowed.

Then the phone starts ringing again. 

"Jongin?" 

"Hm?"

"Your phone." 

Jongin's silent for a moment and Kyungsoo can see how tense he is, how hard he's clenching his jaw. It scares him, the look on his face. Jongin never looks anything but sweet and soft, maybe sad when Kyungsoo thinks about it. 

And he doesn't want to pry. It's none of his business. 

But the phone keeps ringing and Jongin closes his eyes briefly, as if he's willing for the person who's calling him to stop and it's more than just worrying by now. 

"Aren't you going to pick up?" 

"I don't think so." Jongin says quietly and Kyungsoo sees how he presses down on the screen and the ringing stops. 

He wants to open his mouth to ask if he's okay when Jongin is about to put his phone away but it starts ringing again and Kyungsoo knows it's not possible but it's starting to sound annoying, as if the ringing gets more urgent with every second. 

Jongin curses under his breath and looks as if he's about to throw his phone at the wall so Kyungsoo reaches out to put his hand on Jongin's, the one that's clenching the device so hard his knuckles are turning white. 

The younger looks at their hands for a few seconds, head turned down while the ringing doesn't stop. 

When Jongin looks up his eyes look wet and Kyungsoo's chest hurts upon seeing the emotions on the younger's face. 

It's not only worry now that's making it hard to not ask now, it's a flash of anger that goes through his system, caused by the pained look in Jongin's eyes. 

"Who's calling you?" Kyungsoo wants to know but Jongin shakes his head. 

He knows Jongin probably won't answer but after a moment, just when the ringing stops Jongin takes a deep breath and leans back on the couch, as if resisting those calls was physically tiring. "My sister." He says. "My mom... Dad. His assistant. They’re taking turns." 

"Why?" Kyungsoo asks after a moment. He remembers what Jongin told him about his family and it makes him feel slightly sick every time he thinks about it. 

Jongin makes a soft sound, tired and maybe a bit upset too, shrugs his shoulders. He looks so young sometimes, so vulnerable it makes Kyungsoo want to reach out and comfort him. He is older after all, and even if he isn't tall and strong physically he'd do anything to protect Jongin from harm. Even if it's only emotionally. 

The screen of Jongin's phone keeps lighting up and Kyungsoo can see from the corner of his eyes, all the unread messages and he wonders if they're all from his family too. Because if they are then Kyungsoo honestly doesn't know what to do, this doesn’t look like his parents are just checking up on him sporadically.

"I got an offer." Jongin finally speaks but he sounds off. "From an entertainment company. That's why I had to rush back so suddenly from New York. Cause they gave me a deadline." 

Kyungsoo looks up at Jongin, eyes going wide. Jongin watches him almost nervously. "Jongin, that's... that's great! You got in, you did, didn't you?" 

The excitement in Kyungsoo's voice seems to amuse Jongin despite the situation since the younger smiles at him softly. "I did." 

"You-" Kyungsoo doesn't know if he wants to punch or kiss Jongin for not telling him earlier. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

„Because.. Well, I was about to sign the contract." Jongin furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head and the look on his face makes Kyungsoo's excitement vanish in a second. "And I obviously read it through and.." He groans, brings his hands up to rub at his face. 

"What?" Kyungsoo asks, his eyes darting over Jongin's form nervously. 

"My dad he... I think he's been watching me. All this time." Jongin leans forward, his elbows pressed against his knees while he brings his hands up into his hair. "He knew about the company wanting me. So he contacted them and... I don't even know. He probably payed them a lot of money for it. To change the contract." 

"What... why would he have the contract changed?" 

Jongin turns his head then, not quite meeting Kyungsoo's eyes. "I know my dad's been scared shitless after throwing me out, that I would do something stupid for what they did to me. Get revenge and screw up his company’s image or something like that. They’ve all got that paranoid notion, that I’m a threat to their success, their wealth." He shrugs. „A threat, by _being gay_." 

Kyungsoo  gulps around the lump in his throat, Jongin’s words feeling like a punch to the stomach. He doesn’t know what to say, lost for words that could brighten up this fucked up situation in any way. He shuffles a little closer on the couch, reaches his hand out carefully to place it against Jongin's cheek so the younger faces him properly. 

Jongin looks up then, finally meeting his eyes and a sad little smile forms on his face. He places his own hand against Kyungsoo's to hold it there, brushes his thumb over the other's knuckles when really, it should be Kyungsoo doing the comforting here. 

"What did he do?" Kyungsoo asks quietly. 

"They... Well, the contract was okay, generally. But there was this separate page they wanted me to sign. And it said.. to be honest, it basically just said to keep my mouth shut about my sexuality."

Kyungsoo takes the information in and tries not to get too upset but it's not really working. His face starts to feel hot. "He did that to make sure you wouldn't... so you wouldn’t out yourself in public.“ 

Jongin looks at him, searching and nods. "Yeah." 

"And you didn't sign the contract." Kyungsoo croaks out. 

The younger shakes his head. "No." 

Kyungsoo takes another deep breath but it's a shaky one and he feels his nose sting with how upset he is and how angry at Jongin's family for doing this to him. "Jongin... I don't know what to say... I'm so sorry." 

"No... they should be. But they're not." Jongin sighs and a moment later Jongin is resting his head in Kyungsoo's lap with the older carding his fingers through his soft hair. 

He knows how much that contract must have meant to Jongin. It would’ve been his chance to show his talent to more people than just the few who occasionally watched him dance on the small stages. 

Kyungsoo wishes he could do more. But the truth is, he can't do shit for Jongin. 

"They never wanted me to dance in the first place. But now they're trying to force me into it because they know how much dancing means to me but like, I never thought they were this stupid… they've fucked up this huge chance by.. doing this." Jongin's voice wavers a bit but he doesn't cry. Kyungsoo somehow wishes he would because it's hard to tell what Jongin is feeling right now. 

"They might've ruined this change." Kyungsoo says quietly. "But there will be more. You're an incredible dancer Jongin. It will pay out, I promise you. You will be the best dancer in Asia. And then the entire world." 

This makes Jongin laugh, he turns his head and presses his face against Kyungsoo's stomach. "Hyung.." 

The phone goes off again, this time to show that Jongin's got a voice message. The younger reaches out to take it from the coffee table. "Delete.." He mumbles in an annoyed tone but Kyungsoo stops him.

"Let's listen to it." Kyungsoo mumbles, rubbing the cups of his fingers over Jongin's scalp gently. "I want to know what they have to say." 

"But I really don't." Jongin says. "It's always the same bullshit. You don't want to hear that."

„I do though.“ 

He wants to know what kind of people they are.

If they really are the way Jongin described them. Because if they are, and if they keep talking Jongin down like this, he seriously doesn't want to leave the younger alone with their words. He doesn't want Jongin to bury them inside of him and maybe one day think what they said is true. 

Jongin looks up at him with a frown but nods. „Just... It’s my sister.“ He groans softly. "Be prepared or something."

He unlocks the phone and turns up the volume before putting it on his chest.

_"I heard what happened, dad called me last night. He was... upset to put it mildly. Jongin, look I know you're a strong headed person but as your older sister I'm telling you to think this through well. Not signing that contract is stupid and you know it. You abandoned your family for dancing and now you're letting this chance go just like that? Just... sign the damn contract, Jongin. I promise you, you'll be grateful to dad once you're older. You don't understand right now. A coming out would destroy your career before it's even started. How many gay artists do you know in South Korea? Huh? Jongin this isn’t America. People won’t celebrate you for it, they will turn their backs to you no matter if you have talent or not. Dad’s giving you a huge opportunity, he's finally supporting you and he's even preventing you from making the biggest mistake of your life, yet you're still acting like a reluctant child just to make a point. I know you don't believe me but we care about you Jongin so stop being so selfish for once. You broke our parents' hearts when you decided to... like **men**. I've always been there to pick up the pieces but my hands are tied here. This is probably your last chance to make things right again. Call me once you've stopped ignoring my existence." _

 

 

The recording stops, and so does Kyungsoo, his fingers having long given up on trying to soothe the tension in Jongin's shoulders. 

The younger blinks once, twice, then picks up the phone only to shut it off completely. He places it back on the table and then turns around in Kyungsoo's lap, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo's waist to bury his face in his shirt. "I'm tired." Jongin mumbles. 

And that's all he says.

He doesn't comment on what they just heard. Doesn't show any kind of reaction to the words that were thrown at his head. 

But Kyungsoo can barely breathe. 

How can someone be so manipulative, twisting the truth to such a degree it would fooled anyone who didn't know Jongin better? And then blaming jongin for being-  _for being gay_

And that's what exactly makes his fingers shake where they’re still hidden in Jongin's soft hair. He can't understand how anyone could think badly about the boy currently resting in his lap, can't grasp the idea of wanting to hurt him in any kind of way. And the fact that it is his family - his flesh and blood, the only people in the world that are supposed to have his back no matter what happens - who is doing this to him makes his stomach twist in the worst way. 

"Jongin..." He says once he realizes how minutes have gone by without anyone uttering a word. "Are you okay?" 

But the younger only hums, tightens his grip around him. "I'm fine. It's nothing I haven't heard before." 

Kyungsoo shakes his head in disbelief, reaches his hand out to make Jongin look at him. The younger blinks his eyes open and smiles. And that right there, the little twitch in the corner of his mouth and the tired look in his eyes in enough for Kyungsoo to understand that Jongin isn't as fine as he wants to seem. "How can you be fine with that, Jongin?" Kyungsoo asks, his thumb brushing over the dark skin underneath Jongin's eyes. "I can't stand hearing anyone talk to you like this. You’re not selfish, you’re amazing, you’re perfect- she’s so wrong you know that right? You didn't chose anything Jongin- You have to know-“

Jongin nods and reaches up to run the tips of his fingers over Kyungsoo’s Adam’s Apple. „Shh, I know. Their words don’t get to me.“ 

Kyungsoo gulps. „Jongin…“ He looks down but Jongin only smiles at him and it just makes it so much worse.

"Is she always like this?" Kyungsoo asks carefully. He begins stroking Jongin's hair again and feels a deep sadness bloom inside his chest. He meant what he said. He can't stand even the thought of someone saying things like that to Jongin. A part of him wants to cover the younger's ears so he doesn't have to listen to them because everything she said was wrong.

Jongin's fingers are playing with the hem of Kyungsoo's shirt at his back. "How?"

Kyungsoo shrugs, brushes Jongin's fringe out of his eyes and can't help but smile when the younger blinks cutely. "A bitch." 

Jongin snorts, hides his chuckles in Kyungsoo's clothes. "She wasn't always like that." 

"She's manipulating you." Kyungsoo mumbles quietly. "She's trying to get you to feel guilty so you'll sign the contract." 

"I know." He feels Jongin hold on a bit tighter. "She's good at it. That's why she'll be taking over the company and not me." 

„She may be good at that but you’re better in every other aspect. You don’t need to be an asshole to be successful.“

Jongin smirks when he hears Kyungsoo swear like that. 

„Is there anything I can do?“ Kyunsoo asks next. 

Jongin shakes his head. “No, thank you hyung.“ He’s quiet for a while and Kyungsoo starts to think he wants to sleep until he opens his mouth again. „Sometimes it's just really frustrating. Just... cause they won't leave me alone. They threw me out and everything yet they're constantly stalking me and trying to control whatever I do." The younger shrugs. "I want them to lay off, I don't care what they say about me. I just don't want to deal with them anymore." 

"I wish I could help you." Kyungsoo brushes his fingers over Jongin's closed eyelids. "I wish I could make them stop." 

The younger shifts into a sitting position, his arms braced on either side of Kyungsoo's thighs while he leans in to look into Kyungsoo's eyes. "Stop. I’m sorry. I don't want you to worry about that." 

"Why not?" 

" I just.. don't want you to get involved." Jongin says and Kyungsoo looks at him silently. Maybe it's the way he starts frowning but Jongin sighs and brings a hand up to brush his fingers over the skin on Kyungsoo's cheek. "They would do the same to you to get you out of the way. If they knew about.. this." 

"So what? Why is it okay when they do it to you?" 

"Do you seriously think I could just watch them treat you like they treat me?" Jongin shakes his head. 

Kyungsoo brings a hand up to rub at his eyes. „Yet you expect me to do it."

This isn't going anywhere, it only makes Kyungsoo fucking sad and Jongin doesn't look any better. Kyungsoo leans forward and kisses Jongin's cheek as gently as he can. "I'm sorry. I won't ask anymore."

"No." Jongin makes a pained face. "I don't... I don't know how to deal with this. I'm sorry. You're just trying to help." He presses his own lips to Kyungsoo's throat, kissing him there twice in a way that Kyungsoo thinks only Jongin can. Soft yet lingering.

"It's okay." Kyungsoo looks up and smiles and Jongin smiles back and leans closer. 

"You're really cute, you know that?“ Jongin mumbles, face inches away from his own. 

„Don’t try to change the subject!“ It makes the younger smile more, how irritated Kyungsoo sounds and he leans even closer. "Jongin I'm serious. Stop." Kyungsoo tries to back away but Jongin has him caged in with his hands that are now presses against the back of the couch on either side of Kyungsoo's torso. 

"I'm not doing anything!" Jongin juts his lip out, not realizing that he actually does look like a puppy like this. "Why won't you let me compliment you?" 

"Because it's stupid." Kyungsoo huffs but he gets distracted by the way Jongin licks his lips. 

"But I want to let you know how beautiful you are. And how you make my heart flutter when you smile."

"Oh my god." Kyungsoo gets all red in the face and Jongin chuckles against his neck, kissing him there some more until the older is squirming beneath him. He starts laughing too because he's ticklish there and Jongin is attacking him with his lips until he wiggles himself free. He can't really get far because Jongin wraps his arms around Kyungsoo's waist, flipping him around and pinning his hands to the couch. The younger smirks when Kyungsoo doesn’t even try to struggle against his grip. 

“Jongin." Kyungsoo says and he can’t help a smile from spreading across his face, from how cute Jongin looks, like a kid that’s finally gotten something it wanted.

"Looks like you have no choice but to listen now." Jongin mumbles, looking down at him with eyes that have a strange glint to them. They stare at each other silently for what feels like hours and Jongin looks so good like this, with his bangs hanging down, a soft smile on his lips while he eyes every part of Kyungsoo’s face.

„I always have a choice.“ Kyungsoo says. 

Jongin leans closer. „I don’t see how.“ He tightens his grip on Kyungsoo’s wrists and the action makes something stir in his stomach. „Because you’re listening when I say how beautiful your eyes are.“ The younger mumbles and Kyungsoo feels his breath hitch. 

„Stop.“ 

„Or how soothing your voice is.“ Jongin tilts his head when Kyungsoo grunts underneath him, distress and something else apparent on his face. „And how I want to kiss your lips all the time.“

„Okay, enough now.“ 

But Jongin shakes his head. „And your laugh makes me feel proud because I’ve caused it.“ 

Kyungsoo can feel his pulse throbbing in his temples, doesn’t know why this is affecting him so much but he needs Jongin to stop.

„And-“

He leans up and presses their lips together to shut Jongin up. It does the job, because the younger is caught off guard and the grip on Kyungsoo’s wrists loosens up enough for the latter to move them out of his grasp. He presses them against Jongin’s chest and pushes him up, sitting up himself while Jongin doesn’t seem to care one bit, nibbling at Kyungsoo’s lips in a way that has him shuddering all over. 

Kyungsoo pushes until Jongin’s back hits the couch instead, slides his hands down to his arms and moves them until he’s got them pinned above Jongin’s head, mirroring their positions from before. He pulls away from Jongin’s lips once it gets hard to breathe, blinks his eyes open only to suck in a breath when he sees the way Jongin’s eyes have darkened. 

„I said enough.“ Kyungsoo whispers hoarsely. 

Jongin’s exhale is long. „Hyung.“ He leans up to press his lips to the corner of Kyungsoo’s mouth. „You’re so beautiful. You should see yourself.“

„I see myself every day.“ Kyungsoo croaks out, his grip on the younger already loosening. He’s not as strong as Jongin, especially not with dark eyes watching him like he’s out of this world which he isn’t. He isn’t.

Jongin shakes his head, pulling out of his grasp to bring his hands up and touch Kyungsoo wherever is the closest. „You don’t see what I see.“ 

Kyungsoo’s eyelids flutter closed and he pushes back the words of protest climbing up his throat. When he opens them again Jongin looks nervous and dazed and Kyungsoo gets lost in his entire being. His eyes feel heavy and Jongin licks his lips before their mouths slot together.

Their lips move together slowly, tongues probing, teeth grazing until Kyungsoo can feel how his arms are starting to shake. Jongin’s hands are resting on his sides, warm and comforting when he starts running his tongue over the seam of Kyungsoo’s lips, coaxing them open slow and hot. Kyungsoo sighs when their tongues touch and Jongin’s grip on him tightens, his legs spreading from where Kyungsoo’s sitting on them. He shudders at a particularly slow swipe of Jongin’s tongue underneath his own, feels Jongin’s hands move down to rest on his thighs instead. It sends heat right between his legs when Jongin squeezes them.

Kyungsoo hears the smack of their lips whenever they pull apart only to press together at a different angle, the sound of their ragged breathing in the otherwise quiet apartment and it makes the heat in his lower abdomen grow. 

He pulls away before things go too far, his heartbeat’s going crazy and he can barely breathe, everything in him screaming to dive down and kiss Jongin senseless from how ravished the younger already looks. 

Jongin smiles, breathless and just so incredibly hot it makes Kyungsoo’s breath hitch once more. His hands move on Kyungsoo’s thighs, moving up and then down to the sides where he grips them tightly. Kyungsoo closes his eyes, biting his lip to prevent a sound from escaping. 

Jongin’s touch is gentle like everything about the boy but it feel strangely possessive too. How his fingers spread all the way out, as if he’s trying to count the expanse of Kyungsoo’s body up in handfuls.

The younger sits up with Kyungsoo still in his lap and he gulps because Jongin’s too close like this. Can see every single pore in Kyungsoo’s skin, every imperfection. He can feel Jongin’s hot breath on his skin, and his own breathing that’s going too fast and loud. Jongin leans closer, makes their lips brush as he speaks. „I want you so much.“ 

Kyungsoo fists Jongin’s jumper between his fingers. „We can… if you want.“

There’s a suffocating silence after that, with Jongin staring up at him and Kyungsoo wondering if he shouldn’t have said that. Jongin looks upset and Kyungsoo feels his stomach drop.

„I don’t just mean your body hyung.“ Jongin whispers next. „I mean… _you_. All of you.“ 

_Why_ Kyungsoo thinks _Why the hell would you want this?_

He nods instead, leaning in until their foreheads are touching. „As long as I get to have you in return.“ He mumbles.

Jongin nuzzles closer, kisses Kyungsoo’s cheek and then presses his lips to Kyungsoo’s cupid’s bow. „You had me the moment you gripped my thigh on our way to New York.“ 

Kyungsoo smiles at the memory and when Jongin smiles back it seems more than just genuine.

The way he looks at Kyungsoo, how he holds him. Everything about Jongin is focused on Kyungsoo only and his eyes shine with adoration and fondness and it’s so hard to look, so hard to think _fuck, he’s being honest_ but there has to be a moment where Kyungsoo just can’t help but give in and believe.

And he thinks that moment is now. 

Jongin pulls him closer and Kyungsoo threads his fingers into the younger’s soft hair, holding on tight when their lips slot together like gravity. Jongin licks into his mouth so languidly Kyungsoo can barely keep up. He fists the strands between his fingers tighter with every drag of Jongin’s tongue, feels Jongin’s palms slide up his legs, skipping the swell of his ass before he rests them on his lower back to pull him even closer. 

The kiss turns frantic soon enough, their breathing ragged. Jongin keeps pressing bruising kisses to Kyungsoo’s lips until he’s nearly trembling in his arms. His hands slide under his jumper and Kyungsoo arches his back when his palms touch his skin, fingers digging into skin. Their lips slide together slower once they run out of breath but it makes everything so much more intense, gives Kyungsoo enough time to notice how he’s starting to ache between his legs already. 

Jongin’s hands move lower, below the fabric of his sweatpants but not quite touching where Kyungsoo wants him to. It has him canting his hips down nonetheless and he can feel the outlines of Jongin’s growing erection against himself, feels the muscles on Jongin’s back go taught when he presses their crotches together tightly. Jongin grunts, rolls his hips up and Kyungsoo pulls away for air.

„Jongin“ He sighs and grinds down again. „God…“ 

Jongin presses his lips to Kyungsoo’s throat, starts pressing open mouthed kisses to his skin. He finds a spot, right at the end of his jaw. „Can I?“ The younger asks and Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what he’s asking, or why, no one ever really asks Kyungsoo anything in these kinds of situations, they just do whatever makes them come faster but he nods because this is Jongin and things always will be different with him. 

Jongin then licks over the skin once before he starts sucking. Everything that Jongin does is nothing but sensual and just so _gentle_ , it’s too much too handle. Kyungsoo bites his lip at the pleasurable sting, knows it will leave a mark, is even more surprised when he finds himself _wanting_ to be marked by Jongin. 

He doesn’t even realize he’s making those needy noises until he hears the soft sound of assent Jongin makes against his skin before he starts sucking a little harder. Kyungsoo’s hands are buried in Jongin’s hair and his chin’s pressed up against the younger’s temple, head tipped to the side to give him a bit more access.

Kyungsoo loses track of time, he can’t really focus on anything else but the feeling of his skin being abused and the way Jongin feels underneath him every time Kyungsoo presses down. He shudders when their crotches press together on every grind, feels how Jongin grows hard along with him and it’s such a satisfying feeling, knowing that he’s doing this to Jongin. 

He doesn’t know how much time has passed when Jongin licks gently over the skin, over what must be a massive bruise and moves back to look into Kyungsoo’s face. He groans softly when Kyungsoo grinds down and his lips stretch into a barely there smile. „You mine now?“ 

Kyungsoo licks his lips, ignoring the question on purpose. „How bad is it?“ 

Jongin cants his hips up just to see how Kyungsoo’s eyes almost roll into the back of his head. „Pretty bad...“ He whispers with a satisfied grin, eyes darker now. Kyungsoo grunts and pushes their mouths together to slide his tongue into Jongin’s mouth. 

„You haven’t answered my question.“ Jongin pants between messy kisses. 

Kyungsoo feels hot all over, he’s so hard already and he knows Jongin is too, can feel it every time their cocks press together. „Jongin…“ He presses down hard, keeps their crotches pressed together tightly while he circles his hips to make Jongin feel what he does to him. „What do you think?“ 

„I think“ Jongin speaks slowly. „We should move this to the bedroom.“ 

And suddenly Jongin does the same he did in the kitchen before, slides his hands underneath Kyungsoo’s thighs one second and the next he’s standing, holding Kyungsoo like it’s nothing. „Wrap your legs around me.“ He whispers into Kyungsoo’s ear, pressing a kiss to the skin underneath. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t have time to be embarrassed, or upset at the way Jongin is manhandling him like this. 

His cock his hard and heavy between his legs and when he wraps them around Jongin’s waist it makes their crotches press together even tighter. 

„Fuck“ Jongin curses, burying his face in Kyungsoo’s neck. His hips buck up into Kyungsoo’s and the younger makes a low sound against his skin that has Kyungsoo digging his fingers into his shoulders. „You feel so good.“ 

„Bedroom.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, pressing messy kisses to Jongin’s neck once the younger starts moving on unsteady legs. 

Jongin keeps distracting him with hands under his thighs, squeezing, his lips moving over skin and Kyungsoo’s mind is clouded with want and the ache of blood in his cock and something else he feels for Jongin, something that makes his heart stutter inside his chest when Jongin kisses his throat so tenderly, something he doesn’t want to think of at the moment. 

The younger lowers him down on his bed slowly and Kyungsoo crawls back to rest his head on his pillows, Jongin following him and caging him in with his arms. 

They stare into the other’s eyes and it’s only know that Kyungsoo becomes aware of the situation and it’s now that he realizes that his heart is beating painfully fast against his chest to the point it makes him feel sick with nervous emotions. 

He tries to hide it and when he looks up he sees it, the nervous look on Jongin’s face, the slight tremor in his arms and he remembers something Jongin told him. Something about never having been with another man before. 

„Jongin“ He reaches a hand out to touch Jongin’s cheek, the skin feeling hot underneath his palm. The younger takes a shuddery breath, leaning into the touch where he presses a kiss to Kyungsoo’s palm. „Are you okay?“ 

He sees his Adam’s Apple bobbing up and down, the flick of Jongin’s tongue over his lips. „I’m just.. nervous.“ He whispers. Kyungsoo smiles a little, rubs his thumb over the younger’s cheekbone and Jongin groans quietly. „I’m ruining the mood, aren’t I?“

„No.“ Kyungsoo leans up and slots their lips together, slides his tongue into Jongin’s mouth swiftly in a way that has the younger groaning against his lips in a matter of seconds. Kyungsoo spreads his legs and pulls Jongin closer until he’s nestled between them, until he presses in and molds the lines of his body into Kyungsoo’s own. He pulls away shortly after, feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the heavy pulsing in between his legs. „I need you to be sure that you want this. And that you’re ready.“ He says against Jongin’s lips. 

The younger moves his hips once, sliding their bulges together to create some friction and Kyungsoo spreads his legs a bit wider. „I want this, trust me hyung I… want you. But…“

Kyungsoo sees the flash of worry in Jongin’s eyes, kind of like a plea, maybe to understand that he can’t say it out loud. 

„Are you… have you ever… with someone?“ Kyungsoo tries. It’s hard to talk about this, especially in a moment like this, where they’re both so hard and Kyungsoo can barely think straight with how good Jongin looks and how much Kyungsoo wants him to just-

To just… take him. 

„I’m not a virgin.“ Jongin shakes his head. „Just never with a guy.“ 

Kyungsoo nods at that and it’s fucking stupid but there underneath all the lust and the adoration he holds for this boy a flash of worry clouds his mind. Thoughts of _what if he doesn’t like it_? 

Seriously, what then? 

This isn’t an experiment, it’s fucking not, but Kyungsoo’s stupid, restless mind can’t help but wonder if it feels like one to Jongin.

„Hyung“ Jongin speaks up then, searching his eyes. „I _want_ this.“ He whispers, reaching for one of Kyungsoo’s hands and bringing it down between his legs. Kyungsoo palms Jongin’s bulge, feels it heavy and hard inside his hand and it makes him shudder at the same time as Jongin closes his eyes and hangs his head down. „I’ve never wanted someone so much..“ He says, a soft moan slipping out of his lips when Kyungsoo tightens his grip around him. 

He pulls Jongin’s zipper down slowly. „We can stop whenever you want.“ He mumbles and hates how shaky his voice is when he’s trying to be comforting and relaxed for Jongin. 

Jongin lifts his head and nods, eyelids drooping when Kyungsoo slips his hand inside to take him into a firmer grip. Kyungsoo feels his own cock twitch at how warm and heavy Jongin feels and he kneads him once, twice and then harder until Jongin is moving into it his palm in time with his motions, until his breathing gets ragged and Kyungsoo can practically feel him get harder in his hand with every upwards stroke.

Jongin grips his wrist after a while, bringing it up and over his head like he did before to press it against the mattress. He stares down into Kyungsoo’s eyes and the latter reaches out to pull him in by his neck, pressing their lips together. Jongin kisses him differently, his lips move too slow, his tongue running over Kyungsoo’s so languidly it has him shuddering. Kyungsoo grips the hem of Jongin’s sweater with his free hand, tugging a bit. 

„Off.“ He whispers in between kisses. Jongin leans up, his hand gripping the back of his collar to pull the sweater off in one swift motion. He helps Kyungsoo into a sitting position and pulls the shirt off for him, he does it so carefully Kyungsoo can’t help but think that they’re doing this wrong. 

It should be rushed, and rough and fast.

But it’s gentle and slow and has his fingers trembling from anticipation.

Kyungsoo’s hair sticks up wildly after Jongin pulls his shirt off and Jongin chuckles at the sight, it comes out a bit breathlessly but it’s still soothing. He pushes him down into the mattress again and Kyungsoo sighs when Jongin’s warm skin presses down against him, feels their ribs move together on every inhale and exhale. 

Jongin presses a kiss to his lips and Kyungsoo brushes his fringe away once he pulls away. „What do you want?“ Jongin asks and presses a kiss to his neck, then lower, to his collarbones where he traces the tip of his tongue along the bone.

A gasp leaves his lips when Jongin moves down and brushes his tongue over one of his nipples, his lips starting to suck tightly while he looks up at him from underneath his fringe. His hands are stroking his skin likes it’s the softest thing Jongin has ever touched, fingertips grazing his sides and fitting between the dips of his ribcage, causing goosebumps to spread all over Kyungsoo’s body while his thighs clench around Jongin's waist.

Kyungsoo mouths the words at him right when the younger grazes his teeth around his hardened nub. Jongin freezes against him upon making sense of the silent words and Kyungsoo feels Jongin’s cock twitch against his thigh, senses a wave of heat in his gut when Jongin gulps heavily. „Say it again.“ Jongin’s breath ghosts over his nipple and Kyungsoo shudders, wanting to hide away from Jongin but needing to be closer at the same time. 

„I want you.. to fuck me..“ He breathes and his head rolls back when Jongin presses his hips against him at the words. 

The younger looks at him with dark eyes, chin resting on Kyungsoo’s chest. „You might have to guide me through it.“ He whispers. 

Kyungsoo nods and reaches his arms out and Jongin crawls up to align their faces, leans down so Kyungsoo can wrap his arms around Jongin’s shoulders and slide their lips together. Jongin keeps pressing bruising kisses to his lips, cages him in with his arms and sucks at his lower lip in a way that makes Kyungsoo arch in his back in hopes of getting closer which stopped being possible a long while ago. 

Somewhere in between the messy kisses and the needy noises escaping lips their breathing turns ragged and they start moving again.

„Jongin..“ Kyungsoo pulls away for air, can’t focus on anything but the feeling of Jongin pressing down against him, the feeling of his cock against his own. Jongin slides his hands down, to his waist and fumbles with the waistband of his sweatpants. 

„Can I take it off?“ Jongin asks and god, who is he?

Kyungsoo nods, can barely think straight with how his mouth is starting to feel like cotton. Jongin lifts his hips with a hand on his ass and pulls the sweatpants down, Kyungsoo kicking them off all the way with his feet after. He watches Jongin take off his own pants, eyes stuck on the way his muscles move, how smooth his skin looks, how his hair looks soft like silk. 

Jongin looks up at him once he’s kneeling between Kyungsoo’s legs in nothing but his briefs and even that sight makes heat rush into Kyungsoo’s face, especially when Jongin’s fingers move to pull down the last piece of clothing too. He tries not to make a sound once Jongin’s naked but the sight of his erection, the state of his hard cock makes an embarrassing whine slip away. Jonging doesn’t comment on it, thank god, but instead moves to pull off Kyungsoo’s own boxers too. 

And it’s then that every single one of Do Kyungsoo’s awkward emotions decide to come back and hit him like a wave because he doesn’t remember the last time he’s ever been naked in front of someone who.. mattered. Someone who saw him as more than just an experiment, a booty call.

His forearm is shielding his eyes while Jongin pulls his briefs down his legs and he hears how they land somewhere on the floor with a soft sound, shudders against the air surrounding him and how he can feel Jongin’s eyes on his skin. 

And then there’s suddenly a hand on his cock, without any warning and Kyungsoo rips his arm away from his face. „Jongin-“

„Stop hiding.“ Their faces are aligned and Jongin presses a kiss to Kyungsoo’s cheek while rubbing his cock to full hardness. „Please?“ 

„I'm not hiding.“

„You have no idea-“ He rubs his thumb over Kyungsoo’s tip and then kneads his fingers there relentlessly until Kyungsoo almost has to slap his hands away, scared of coming to soon. „How everything about you makes me feel.“ 

Kyungsoo can’t listen, he can’t deal with those words right now and Jongin knows it, he knows it so well and he’s doing it on purpose.

„Lube-“

„Huh?“

„Jongin lube, please.“ Kyungsoo whimpers when Jongin tightens his grip around him. 

„Where?“ 

„Last drawer.. bedside table.“ Kyungsoo takes a deep breath when Jongin nods and lets go of him, missing the touch but silently glad for it too. It’s been too long since he’s done something like this and he doesn’t want to ruin it by coming so soon. „Condoms too.“ 

„Okay.“ He hears Jongin say and he suddenly sounds really concentrated and when Kyungsoo turns his head he sees how Jongin’s tongue is peeking out while he looks for the items and once again, this is so ridiculous, they’re doing it wrong.There should be candles and all that cheesy stuff but somehow this feels so much more comforting and Kyungsoo can’t help but smile at the younger’s profile, his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest from how much he wants him. 

Kyungsoo takes them from Jongin’s hands. „We need to prep me first.“ 

Jongin settles down between his legs again, exhaling shakily with furrowed eyebrows. „Hyung I know that..“

„You told me to guide you.“ Kyungsoo licks his lips and stares into Jongin's nervous eyes.

„I know!“ Jongin looks a bit red in the face. „I know how it works.. I just.. don’t want to fuck up. Don’t wanna hurt you.“ 

Kyungsoo gives him a reassuring smile. „You won’t.“ He uncaps the bottle of lube and is about to squeeze it on his fingers when Jongin grips his wrist, shaking his head.

„I want to do it.“ He mutters a bit too hotly for Kyungsoo to deal with and he just nods dumbly, watches Jongin when he takes the bottle from Kyungsoo and squeezes a generous amount of lube to his fingers. 

„Please tell me when it hurts.“ Jongin mumbles, leaning up to kiss Kyungsoo while his hand travels down and Kyungsoo feels him hesitate for a moment. He’s about to open his mouth but then there’s something wet on his entrance, making him tense up automatically. Jongin looks at him nervously while he rubs the lube around his hole and Kyungsoo takes a shuddering breath from the feeling of Jongin’s fingers rubbing against him like this.

Jongin kisses and sucks on his skin and Kyungsoo’s too far gone already, his brain short circuiting from all the different sensations. 

„Push one in.“ He breathes out impatiently. 

„Already?“ Jongin sucks on his skin, again leaving too many bruises.

„I’m not made of glass.“ 

„Never said you were.“ Jongin whispers against his skin before he dips one finger in, slowly at first and then in a swifter motion until it’s all the way in.

Kyungsoo holds his breath all the way through, not because it hurts but because of the feeling of having something inside of him again after such a long time. He wiggles around a bit, trying to get used to it. It’s not that bad, he knows how it’ll feel later so it’s nothing he can’t deal with.

„Okay?“ Jongin wants to know and he sounds a bit breathless. 

Kyungsoo nods, takes a gulp of air. „Move.“

Jongin starts thrusting his finger in and out, a bit clumsily and he’s still holding back at first and it’s far too slow but once he gets the hang of it, realizes that this seriously won’t break Kyungsoo, he builds up a steady pace until Kyungsoo’s breathing turns ragged and he feels heat spread over his chest and everywhere else too. „You feel so tight.“ Jongin grunts against his throat and Kyungsoo whimpers. 

„Next one.“ 

This time Jongin doesn’t hesitate, carefully slips a second finger in and waits patiently until Kyungsoo gives him a nod to move. Kyungsoo starts squirming once it starts feeling a little too good, his stomach clenching and he finds himself wanting to come just from this, from the feeling of Jongin’s fingers. Jongin sucks on his mouth and Kyungsoo moans helplessly when the younger spreads his fingers inside him.

He adds the third finger but Kyungsoo barely notices it, his hands clench down on Jongin’s biceps and he starts pushing down against his fingers. Lewd noises push past his lips and against the column of Jongin’s neck before he can hold them back.

„Good?“ Jongin croaks. His hips are grinding against Kyungsoo’s thigh, searching for friction.

„Yeah.“ Kyungsoo sighs, his hips rolling down on Jongin's fingers.

„Shouldn’t there be…“ Jongin starts thrusting his fingers at a different angle, pushing them a bit deeper, as if he’s searching for- Kyungsoo chokes on a moan when he grazes something inside him, that one spot that makes his thighs tremble from the intense feeling and his hands scramble for purchase.

„There... Jongin, there“ He mewls urgently.

„What? Have I found it?!“ Jongin stops moving his fingers as an excited smile spreads across his face and while Kyungsoo finds it cute he also has fingers pressing hard against his prostate and it makes his eyes sting.

„Fuck.. Jongin what are you-“

„Sorry- Sorry-“ Jongin huffs out a breath. „Here?“ He thrusts his fingers in at the same angle again and Kyungsoo bites his lips so he won’t cry out too much, his eyes rolling back when Jongin’s fingers jab against it over and over.

Kyungsoo’s a moaning mess underneath him, can barely keep up with the pleasure that shoots up his spine every time Jongin presses against his prostate. He’s going to come, a few more minutes and he’ll definitely come and that can’t be happening. „Stop, stop-“

Jongin stops moving his fingers and instead presses a kiss to Kyungsoo’s lips. „Are you ready?“

„Yeah.“ Kyungsoo breathes, trying to catch his breath from how worn out he already is and how much his cock is aching and pulsing, desperate to release.

Jongin pulls his fingers out and Kyungsoo winces a bit at the feeling, reaches a weak hand out to pick up a pack of condoms and rips them open with his teeth. Jongin is crawling back up, caging him in with forearms placed on either side of Kyungsoo’s head and he watches how Kyungsoo takes the condom out of the packaging. 

„I’ll put it on you.“ Kyungsoo says and momentarily forgets what he was about to do when Jongin kisses him. 

„You’re so hot.“ Jongin whispers against his lips, licking and nibbling. „Hyung.. you’re cute but also so hot-“

„Shut up, please.“ Kyungsoo shushes him, flushing once again from head to toe. He reaches down between their bodies and Jongin’s legs and grips the base of Jongin’s cock before he brings his other hand down too, placing the condom on Jongin’s tip and rolling it down securely. 

Jongin’s biting his lip, his eyes never leaving Kyungsoo’s face and when Kyungsoo’s done and looks up he almost recoils from the look in Jongin’s eyes. Before he can question it Jongin is kissing him again, coaxing his mouth open slowly and pushing him down into the sheets and into the bed with languid movements.

Kyungsoo spreads his thighs for him when Jongin aligns himself with his entrance. „Go on.“ Kyungsoo pants against his lips when Jongin looks into his eyes with hesitation. He nods and reaches a hand down to press the tip against Kyungsoo’s hole and then he starts pushing in. 

The pace is so slow it feels like flames are licking through his veins at a torturous pace but then again Jongin is a lot bigger than his fingers and the stretch is uncomfortable at first, has Kyungsoo furrowing his eyebrows and bite down on his lip hard in order not to make a pained sound. It's been a long time since Kyungsoo has done this and his own fingers are nothing compared to Jongin's size.

„I’m sorry.“ Jongin mutters, his voice trembles. Kyungsoo blinks his eyes open and can see how Jongin’s muscles are quivering, can only imagine how it must feel to hold back like this. Once Jongin’s all the way in he stays still and Kyungsoo can hear their ragged breathing in the silent room, feels his own pulse everywhere and how Jongin is filling him up so good. „Are you okay?“ Jongin asks, brushes his lips over Kyungsoo’s parted ones. 

„You can move..“ He whispers back, his hands coming up to hold onto Jongin’s arms. It hurts, the stretch, burns a little too but he tries to relax.

„Are you sure?“ 

Kyungsoo moves his hips instead of an answer, grinds against Jongin to see his arms shake and his mouth drop open around a curse he won’t say aloud. When Jongin finally starts moving it’s slow at first but it’s good, has Kyungsoo’s head rolling back and lips part for a hushed moan to escape once the burn leaves for something else, something that turns him into a desperate mess for more. 

"Soo.." Jongin drops his head down to his neck. „You feel so good.“ He thrusts in deep for emphasis. „So tight….“ His voice sounds hoarse and deep, nothing like Jongin and he sounds so wrecked and Kyungsoo just feels relieved that this feels good for Jongin too. 

He starts moving his hips faster after a while and Kyungsoo digs his fingers into his skin, moving his hips to meet his thrusts. He’s panting against Jongin’s ear from how Jongin is sliding his shaft in and out, his thighs shaking from the pleasure. Kyungsoo turns his head, lips finding Jongin’s neck where sucks on his pulse, doesn’t know what else to do to stop the embarrassingly needy sounds wanting to rip out of his throat. 

„Oh fuck…“ Jongin groans, turns his head to kiss Kyungsoo. Jongin moves his hips so well, not too fast and not too slow, just enough to make Kyungsoo feel every rough drag. He makes a frustrated sound and Kyungsoo understands that he’s trying to find that spot again. 

Jongin pulls him closer by the waist, so close he can feel Jongin’s balls press up against his skin and then he thrusts in again, the angle different now that their bodies are even closer. And then he hits the spot and Kyungsoo swears he blacks out for a moment.

„Yes!“ Kyungsoo whimpers, torn between wanting it all to stop but ready to kill anyone who would try and interrupt them. „Jongin, _god_.. please-“

„Yeah“ Jongin grunts, ramming into him at that perfect angle. „Hyung.. do you feel- do you feel good?“ 

Kyungsoo’s squirming beneath him, arms moving helplessly while Jongin drives his hips into him, hitting that spot every single time. He swallows down a lewd moan from escaping when Jongin presses up against his prostate dead on. „You. …you feel so good inside me.“ He croaks out and Jongin groans against him at his words.

„Look at me“ Jongin suddenly pants and there are lips on his but Kyungsoo’s a moaning mess, especially when Jongin reaches down to start pumping his leaking cock. He can’t focus on anything, not when there’s so many sensations wrecking his body. „Kyungsoo.“

„What“ He blinks his eyes open, biting his lip so hard it might draw blood from how hard he’s trying to stay still. 

„You’re perfect.“ Jongin kisses him again and his hips slow down a bit, grinding still but enough for Kyungsoo to calm down. „Don’t you ever.. think otherwise. I fucking like you so much-“

Kyungsoo kisses him deeper, his fingers tangling into the younger’s hair tightly. „Faster.“ He whispers against his lips, not very romantic but it’s a good excuse to ignore Jongin’s words. 

Jongin’s grip on him tightens before he starts moving his hips again, taking him from another angle and hitting the spot again with every thrust. Kyungsoo moans against Jongin's parted lips, his back arching off the bed when the pleasure seems unbearable, chest pressing against Jongin's to make him feel the sweat covering their skin. 

The tension in Kyungsoo’s body gets too much, his stomach tightening terribly and it just wants to break free. The younger is panting against him and he’s holding back sounds, Kyungsoo can tell, so every little whimper, every hushed moan slipping out of Jongin’s pretty lips push him closer to the edge. 

It’s when Jongin’s moves turn frantic and Kyunygsoo can feel something hot tighten in his lower abdomen that he digs his fingers into Jongin’s biceps urgently. „Jongin… I’m..." He gulps around a moan that wants to come out. "I’m gonna-“

„Me too.“ Jongin grunts, picking up his pace once more as he starts pumping Kyungsoo faster, almost desperately and the look on Jongin's face has got to be the best thing he's ever seen in his life.

„Oh god.. Jongin... Jongin“ Kyungsoo tightens all over when his orgasm hits him, eyes rolling back, thighs quivering around Jongin’s waist from the force of it. There are hoarse moans escaping his lips while his hips twitch in time with his cock spilling cum on his stomach and Jongin’s chest in spurts that make his muscles contract violently.

Jongin curses and it’s a few seconds later when Kyungsoo feels him come, feels his hips stutter a few times before Jongin buries himself deep inside him with a whimper pressed to the column of Kyungsoo’s neck. 

Kyungsoo lays there, chest heaving up and down and thighs tingling from the force of his orgasm with Jongin’s body collapsed on top of him. He brings a weak hand up to run it through Jongin’s hair, smiling sleepily when he finds that the tips of the strands on his neck are a bit wet from sweat. 

„I think I’m dead.“ He hears Jongin mumble against his skin and Kyungsoo chuckles. 

Jongin pulls out and Kyungsoo winces at the feeling, watches with tired eyes how Jongin ties the condom off before he throws it to the ground and turns to lie on his side, pulling Kyungsoo against him immediately. 

„I’m gross.“ Kyungsoo tries to pull away since there’s come sticking to his stomach and chest. 

„No, you’re perfect.“ 

… „Why do you keep saying that?“ Kyungsoo sighs, shaking his head at him.

Jongin blinks lazily at him, there’s a glint in his eyes Kyungsoo’s never seen before. He doesn’t know if this is just Jongin’s post Sex haze but he likes the look. „Because that’s how I see you.“

„You’re a sap, you know that?“ Kyungsoo mumbles, hopes that Jongin can't see the way his eyes turn a little glassy or how his heart feels like it grows bigger at Jongin's words.

Jongin nods and grins and leans closer to press their lips together in a slow kiss. 

„Was it good?“ Kyungsoo asks quietly once Jongin lets go of his lips but the younger’s still close, nuzzling the lines of his face. Kyungsoo feels hot all over from the affection, heart fluttering wildly from the tingling feeling of Jongin’s fingers dancing over his arms and sides. 

„Everything with you is nothing but good.“ Jongin says, staring into his eyes. „It's overwhelming hyung.“ 

Kyungsoo stares back, for once, lets Jongin see every emotion, every little worry. He leans in to press his forehead against Jongin’s collarbone, ready to fall asleep. 

Jongin pulls the covers up, covers Kyungsoo’s shoulders with it before he wraps him up in his arms. Kyungsoo feels so tired and just.. safe, lulled into Jongin's warmth like this, his sweet scent around him that's now mixed with a tinge of sweat which is oddly comforting.

„You’re overwhelming.“ 

 

x

 

 

 


	10. Ten

 

x

 

_I could get used to this._

That’s the first thing that runs through Kyungsoo’s mind when he blinks his eyes open the next morning. 

That and the realization that his mouth tastes like something crawled in there to die, and his back hurts a little too. 

But he doesn’t even mind all of that, not when he’s looking at Jongin who’s still sleeping calmly. Hhis eyes trail over the boy’s form, his closed eyes, puffy from sleeping, his slightly parted lips and the sounds of him snoring softly escaping his mouth. It should be annoying, really but it’s anything but. 

It’s such a unusual scenario, for Kyungsoo to wake up to something like this after having slept with someone. Jongin in his bed, curled up against him with his knuckles brushing against Kyungsoo’s bare chest. 

They’re still naked and Jongin’s the most beautiful thing Kyungsoo has ever laid his eyes on. 

The clock behind Jongin shows that it’s only ten past nine and it’s cloudy outside, light barely streaming in through his curtains but it’s nice. It’s warm in his room, and cozy underneath his sheets and with Jongin dozing there softly, like something out of this world. 

The white covers make his tanned skin stand out even more and Kyungsoo can’t help himself when he reaches out to brush the tips of his fingers over Jongin’s chest, then up and over his collarbones. His shoulders, his biceps. Lower until they reach his hand, the one that’s close to Kyungsoo’s chest and he straightens Jongin’s curled fingers out, brushes his own through the gaps and over the lines of his palm. 

He doesn’t know if it’s just the fact that he likes Jongin so incredibly much, but everything about him seems nothing but perfect. 

The fingers curl in his hold and it’s only then that he remembers that Jongin actually is still here. His eyes flicker up and his breath hitches when he sees Jongin blinking at him. 

„Good morning.“ Kyungsoo says, a smile forming on his lips when Jongin shuffles closer, bringing their intertwined hands up to his chest. His skin feels hot, smooth. 

Kyungsoo wants to kiss every inch of him.

„Morning.“ Jongin replies and his voice is laced with sleep, sends a shiver down Kyungsoo’s spine from how rough it comes out. But his eyes are warm and there’s a lazy smile on his face and Kyungsoo’s just…

He’s so done for. 

„Did you sleep well?“ Kyungsoo asks, brushes his thumb over Jongin’s skin to see the other sigh contently. 

„Like a baby.“ Jongin mumbles and proceeds to yawn, his mouth stretching open wide and his eyes crinkling in the most adorable way. Once he’s done he looks even sleepier, blinking at Kyungsoo blearily while a  smile spreads on his face. 

Kyungsoo really can’t hold back, he leans closer and presses a kiss to Jongin’s cheek, lingering against the soft skin and pulls back, smiling when he sees the expression on Jongin’s face.

„What was that for?“ Jongin slurs while he tangles their legs together underneath the sheets. Kyungsoo isn’t sure why he’s so aware of everything Jongin does because it’s such simple things, like the way his eyes rake over Kyungsoo’s face lazily and his features turn fond while he’s doing it, or how he brushes his thumb over Kyungsoo’s knuckles while holding his hand close to his chest. 

„You looked really cute.“ Kyungsoo whispers, enjoying how it’s Jongin who turns flustered for a change. 

„Hm.“ Jongin hums and lets go of his hand in order to wrap it around Kyungsoo’s waist, tugging him closer with an arm slung over him. 

Kyungsoo sighs and his nose twitches in discomfort when pain shoots up his spine at the movement. It’s not that Jongin was rough last night, it’s more just the fact that Kyungsoo hasn’t done this in such a long time and his body isn’t as used to it as it once was. 

„You okay?“ Jongin asks when Kyungsoo rests his head against Jongin’s chest. „Does it hurt a lot?“ 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. „No. Just a little sore.“ He murmurs and presses his lips against Jongin’s skin when the younger makes a distressed noise. 

„I’m sorry.“ Jongin says and kisses his head. He presses his palm against Kyungsoo’s lower back, just above his tailbone, and starts rubbing circles into the skin.

The pressure hurts but it’s the good kind of pain and Kyungsoo presses closer while Jongin tries to ease his muscles with his warm hands. He’s not sure how much time passes where they just stay like this but Kyungsoo feels like he’s about to fall asleep again and he doesn’t want that so he pulls back and brings a hand up to rub the sleep from his eyes. 

Jongin looks down at him and they stare at each other for a moment, Kyungsoo trying to read the look on his face. He’s the first to look away once he starts feeling nervous under Jongin’s gaze, clearing his throat while he kicks away the covers. 

„I’ll make breakfast.“ He says and sits up. 

Jongin groans and sits up too. His hair’s a mess but it has nothing on him, not with how his skin seems to glow and Kyungsoo has a hard time looking away from his naked body. „I’m starving…“ He mumbles and leans his head against Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Kyungsoo smiles when Jongin nuzzles his neck, pressing soft kisses against his skin. 

„You can take a shower if you want. There should be spare toothbrushes too.“ Kyungsoo says while bringing a hand up to tangle his fingers into Jongin’s hair. Jongin makes a happy noise when Kyungsoo scratches his scalp and Kyungsoo wants to roll his eyes but instead he can’t take his eyes away from him.

He seriously is like a puppy. 

„I can help you.“ Jongin mumbles and pulls away to stretch his arms. Kyungsoo winces when his back cracks soundly. 

„Because that went so well yesterday.“ Kyungsoo mutters, the corners of his lips twitching when Jongin frowns back at him.

„But hyung, you wouldn’t let me help!“ 

„Yes, because you were distracting me!“ 

Jongin shakes his head, snuggling closer. „I won’t this time. I promise.“ 

Kyungsoo chuckles and pushes at his shoulder. „Okay, go get ready and then come help me.“ He throws the covers away and at first just sits with his back to Jongin, realizing that he’s very much naked but then again, Jongin already saw him naked and they slept together so really, it’s not a big deal. 

But when he stands up he can feel Jongin staring at him and he can’t help himself from turning his head to look and he’s right, because Jongin’s eyes are glued to his butt and they wander upwards until their gazes lock and Kyungsoo has to gulp once from the look in Jongin’s eyes. 

„Stop staring.“ Kyungsoo says but this time he doesn’t mean it, this time there’s a grin on his face from how Jongin’s cheeks turn a shade darker from being caught.

„You have the cutest butt.“ Is what Jongin says when Kyungsoo walks to his closet to grab a new pair of boxers. 

Kyungsoo is rummaging through his drawer and shakes his head despite the stupid smile on his face. „How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me cute?“ 

„But..“ He hears something rustle behind him. „You _are_ cute.“ 

He puffs out his cheeks, his body warming up at Jongin’s words. He can say it all he wants, truth is he likes the way Jongin keeps complimenting him. It’s something he isn’t used to at all, but it’s something he wants to learn to accept because it’s Jongin. 

Kyungsoo turns around once he has slipped on his boxers and finds that Jongin is standing right behind him, still naked. 

„And…“ Jongin says, smiles when Kyungsoo stumbles back from the sudden proximity. „Last night…“ He reaches a hand out to curl his fingers around Kyungsoo’s wrist, tugging him closer. „You were really hot.“ 

Kyungsoo lets Jongin drag him closer until their chests are touching even if his cheeks are flaming again because that’s apparently a natural reaction of his body whenever Jongin so much as look in his direction. He huffs out a breath and tilts his head back so he can look him in the eyes. „You’re never going to stop, are you?“

„Not until you stop denying it.“ He leans down a bit and Kyungsoo’s eyes flutter when their lips are a breath apart, his hands already gripping Jongin’s arms as if he’s trying to keep him close. It’s not normal, how much his body is yearning for Jongin’s touch, it really isn’t. But he would be lying if he’d say he doesn’t enjoy it, how his stomach tightens and how Jongin’s burning eyes send a tingle down his spine. „Not going to brush your teeth?“ Jongin whispers just before their lips touch. 

Kyungsoo presses his lips together and tries to push Jongin away, annoyed because this had been the first time he was ready to step out of his comfort zone, not really caring about his morning breath or Jongin finding him disgusting. 

But Jongin giggles like the kid he is and wraps his arms around him quickly before Kyungsoo can step away. „I’m sorry.“ He mumbles before he leans down and pushes their lips together, warm and soft until Kyungsoo stops struggling, until his hands are tangled in the mess of Jongin’s hair, pulling him down and down, closer. 

Jongin’s hands are on the small of his back and he presses their bodies closer together, the proximity spreading heat between them. Kyungsoo sighs when Jongin licks the crack of his mouth, shudders a little when his fingers run over the waistband of his boxers. 

And it’s morning, he’s still a little sleepy and his body is more than excited to have someone like Jongin pressing up against him, having his hot tongue inside his mouth and his hands spreading goosebumps all over his skin - and he hasn’t eaten in almost twelve hours, so it’s no surprise when his stomach growls loudly, causing Jongin to pull away. 

Their lips break apart with a smack and Jongin looks a lot like he did last night, with his tousled hair and hooded eyes and shiny lips and Kyungsoo wants to moan at the sight, still not able to understand how Jongin is here with _him._ Jongin starts to laugh and Kyungsoo pushes him away fully now when his stomach does another weird sound. 

„Get dressed. I’ll be in the kitchen.“ Kyungsoo mutters and turns around on his heel, ignoring the way he can feel Jongin’s eyes on his back. 

 

 

Kyungsoo’s busy heating up the leftover noodles from yesterday, adding some instant ramen to it since it won’t be enough for both of them. It’s nothing fancy but it’s what him and Baekhyun live from most of the time since they’re not really earning a lot of money from helping out in supermarkets and movie theaters. 

He hears the shower running and the sound has him smiling, feels weirdly domestic even though it really is not. Having Jongin here feels nice and Kyungsoo wants this, waking up together with Jongin. Cooking for him. Looking at his smile, holding his hand. Kissing him.

He’s lost in thoughts, singing a song Baekhyun’s been blasting through the entire apartment for days now and he doesn’t notice Jongin coming into the kitchen. 

He puts the noodles aside since they’re ready and he leans up on his tiptoes to get the bowls from the cupboard, still humming soft tunes under his breath while he struggles to get them down. Once he reaches them he puts them down on the counter and turns around to get some eggs from the fridge but nearly trips over his feet when he sees Jongin standing in the doorway.

„You scared me.“ He mumbles, rubs a hand over his heart and tries to ignore how Jongin is standing there in nothing but his underwear. He wants to ask why the younger is staring at him like that but then his eyes widen once he notices what’s happening in the lower regions of Jongin’s body. His black briefs are tented on the front, if only a little but it’s enough to be noticed even from this far. And it’s so stupid because Jongin and him had sex last night yet he feels his cheeks heat up at the sight of his obvious arousal.

„Uhm..“ Kyungsoo starts, clearing his throat. „Don’t you want to take care.. of that first?“ 

Jongin looks confused for a second but then he looks down on himself and his hands immediately come up to cover his crotch. „Hyung!“ He whines while the tips of his ears turn red. Kyungsoo notices that Jongin blushes around the back of his neck and the tips of his ears whereas Kyungsoo’s cheeks do that job for him. 

He smiles a little, trying to ease the tension since Jongin really looks embarrassed. „It’s okay.“ 

„No!“ Jongin whines a little more. „I just got hard from-“ And then he stops, stares at Kyungsoo with his wide eyes. Kyungsoo really tries to stay calm but it’s not that easy, not with Jongin standing there naked save for his boxers, knowing that he’s covering something that makes _something_ stir between Kyungsoo’s own legs. 

„From what?“ He asks, blinking when his voice comes out a little too raspy. He blames it on the fact that they’re both new to this thing between them, that they’re still too excited. It would die down eventually, right? 

Jongin shrugs, shifting nervously. „I heard you sing.“ 

„You did?“ Kyungsoo asks, confused and slightly embarrassed. He hadn’t been trying to sing nice at all, he probably sounded terrible and that’s really not how he wanted his first time singing for Jongin to play out. 

But then he fully registers what Jongin said and his eyebrows shoot up a little. He’s about to ask, or not, he’s not sure what to make of the situation. It’s still quite hard to grasp, that Kyungsoo can have any kind of effect on Jongin, and then _this._

„You’ve got…“ Jongin smiles but it’s quick and timid. „You’ve got a really sensual voice, okay?“ He says, shrugging a little, as if he’s apologizing and it looks so stupidly cute when it really shouldn’t because Jongin is hiding his erection at the moment, an erection he has because he-

Because of Kyungsoo’s voice?

„Oh.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, still looking at Jongin with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. „Well, we’re even then. I saw you dance, you heard me sing.“ He tries to ease the awkward tension in the room. 

Jongin shakes his head. „I didn’t hear all of it.“ He says. „Can you sing again?“ 

Kyungsoo bites at his lower lip, fingers fumbling with the bowl in his hand. He hates singing in front of people, doesn’t know where to look, what to do with his hands while there are expectant eyes on him. 

But he did promise to sing for Jongin and he’s really not one to break his promises. Especially not if it’s for Jongin. 

„Come here then.“ He says while he places the bowl on the counter. 

Jongin does, waddling slightly with his hands still placed over his crotch. He looks embarrassed more than anything but there’s a glint in his eyes, a little sly and dangerous. 

„You don’t have to hide it, you know.“ Kyungsoo mumbles once Jongin’s standing in front of him. „It’s nothing I haven’t already seen.“ 

It makes Jongin gape, Kyungsoo’s words, and Kyungsoo flushes a little because he’s not that upfront normally but Jongin brings out different sides in him and he thinks that it isn’t all that bad. 

Once Jongin’s close enough Kyungsoo brings him closer with a hand wrapped around his wrist. If he’s going to sing for him, which he will since he promised it quite a while ago, he won’t be able to do it with Jongin staring at him. 

It’s not even that he’s scared of Jongin’s judgement, Kyungsoo knows he’s a decent singer, but there’s something about singing _for_ someone that makes it all just a little worse. 

Jongin brings their bodies close together, wraps his arms around Kyungsoo gently until Kyungsoo feels like he’s wrapped up in soft blankets with their skin touching in almost every place. He sighs, closes his eyes and rests his head against Jongin’s shoulder for a while. His own hands rest against Jongin’s back, palms caressing the warm, smooth skin. 

He starts off with humming the melody to a song he knows Jongin knows too, has to because everyone knows it. He’s right, because he feels Jongin’s cheeks bunch up against his temple from smiling in recognition. 

„I like that song.“ Jongin whispers into his ear and Kyungsoo tries to ignore the shudder it sends down his back, clings a little more to Jongin once he starts singing the words softly into Jongin’s ear. 

For a while it’s just that, Jongin holding him and Kyungsoo singing gentle tunes and it’s a moment he wants to remember forever. He starts smiling once he realizes how Jongin has started to gently sway them from side to side and it gets a little hard to keep singing like this but it’s all worth it when Jongin pulls him closer with his own smile pressed against the side of Kyungsoo’s throat. 

He stops singing after what feels like an eternity but he’s sure only a minute has passed when he presses a kiss against Jongin’s cheek, refusing to pull away just yet and face all the too good words Jongin is going to confront him with. 

„More.“ Jongin whispers and Kyungsoo chuckles, pulls back now to look into the younger’s face. 

Jongin looks… Kyungsoo doesn’t dare say it, but there’s more than just simple adoration painted across his features, something that warms him up to the core. „I could listen to your voice all day.“

„This was a one time thing though.“ Kyungsoo says, just to make Jongin stop staring at him like this. 

„You’ll sing for me again.“ Jongin shrugs and leans closer. „I can be pretty convincing.“ 

Kyungsoo tilts his head up, feels this ridiculous draw towards Jongin like some kind of invisible magnet between their bodies. The need to be constantly touching him frustrates him as much as it makes him want it to never stop. „I can be pretty stubborn.“ 

Jongin nuzzles their noses together and Kyungsoo closes his eyes. „That’s okay.“ 

They’re kissing again. Jongin slots their lips together a few times, slow and languidly, pulling away with a smack each time and Kyungsoo holds on tighter with every passing press of their lips. He slides his tongue over Jongin’s lips first, coaxing them open and relishing in the soft sound that Jongin makes against him. 

His hands are grasping Jongin’s sides, fingers counting his ribs while Jongin licks into his mouth like he wants to take him apart, which isn’t very unlikely to happen given the way his knees want to meet in the middle from how he shudders, feeling Jongin’s warm breath on his face, their exhales turning hasty once Jongin presses them together even closer. 

He can feel how Jongin is still half hard when he brushes against his stomach on accident, knows it even though the younger is keeping distance between their hips to hide it. And normally he’d ignore it, he doesn’t initiate stuff like this, lets take the other one take control because that’s why people like him, right?

Because he doesn’t say no, doesn’t resist, really. 

But last night, they had sex, and he would be lying if he said that it wasn’t the best experience he’s had so far, knows it’s because it was Jongin. Everything feels so much better with him. 

And maybe it tore down those walls, having slept with Jongin, he doesn’t know, but he feels hot all over, gasps against Jongin’s mouth because he’s kissing him with everything he has and he feels like he’s going to burst. He grasps Jongin’s hand and guides it to the swell of his ass, feels Jongin’s lips go a bit lax against his mouth before a faint growl escapes his throat and he curls his fingers into his flesh almost possessively.

Kyungsoo pulls away for air and stares up into Jongin’s eyes, taking in his flushed face and irises that make him feel lost more than anything. The younger leans down to attach his lips to the spot he left this huge bruise yesterday, sucking on it gently before he peppers it with kisses. „You’re giving me such a boner…“ He rasps out and seriously, it’s not hot, not romantic and Kyungsoo wants to laugh because Jongin’s so ridiculous but he can’t, not with how his own cock is starting to press against the inside of his boxers with nothing to hide his state.

His hand slides down from Jongin’s ribs to his abs, fingers trailing over the faint trail of hair underneath his belly button and then lower until they touch the outlines of Jongin’s erection. Jongin leans back up to press their lips together, kisses him and makes a soft sound when Kyungsoo palms him through his boxers. His hips press into Kyungsoo's touch, teeth digging into Kyungsoo’s lips once Kyungsoo starts massaging his cock. 

And they shouldn’t do this, not in the kitchen, but Kyungsoo knows very well what kinds of things Baekhyun has done in here while Kyungsoo was not at home, or at home but asleep, or in the shower, he doesn’t even want to know it all. 

It's not payback, not entirely at least. Kyungsoo just can’t control his hands, not when Jongin’s pressing up against him like this, his skin so soft and hot and his erection hardening inside Kyungsoo’s hand when he slips it inside his briefs to stroke him more firmly. 

Jongin groans into his neck, his body pressing closer desperately and Kyungsoo can only curl into him when Jongin grips his thigh with his free hand, pulling it up and against his hip in an attempt to bring them closer together. 

Kyungsoo cups Jongin's balls, rolls them around in his hand a little to feel how Jongin shudders against him, rolling his hips into the touch with a hushed " _Fuck.. yes..._ " He feels Jongin’s fingers fumble with the waistline of his briefs before he wraps them around Kyungsoo’s cock, fingers stroking him until his thighs are shaking and he’s heavy and aching between his legs. 

He pulls Jongin in by the back of his neck with his free hand, trying to kiss him but they’re both breathless so he settles for pressing messy kisses against his bare shoulder, the skin hot beneath his lips and his heart frantic inside his ribcage when Jongin starts stroking him faster. He’s making embarrassing sounds, hips bucking into Jongin’s touch while the younger sucks on his neck as if he wants to make sure that mark stays there forever. 

„Jongin..“ He moans, his own hand speeding up around Jongin’s cock, lips twitching when Jongin moans against his skin in return. He tilts his head back, soft sounds spilling from his lips and Jongin leans in to kiss his Adam’s apple while he speeds up the movements of his hand, until everything that can be heard is their labored breathing and the slick sound of skin against skin as they pump each other.

He’s too distracted by the pleasure shooting up his spine, busy pushing his hips into Jongin’s hand, moaning his name and shuddering whenever Jongin moans and grunts against his skin to notice the front door opening. 

But it’s not like Baekhyun makes a silent entrance either way. 

The mortified shriek of his roommate causes them to jump apart faster than the speed of light, heads shooting towards the door where Baekhyun stands with wide eyes.

Kyungsoo’s still breathless, heart going crazy inside his chest with his legs feeling wobbly and his cock so unbelievably hard inside his boxers that he nearly whimpers at the aching sensation. 

„Oh my god.“ Baekhyun looks like he doesn’t know if he wants to scream or laugh. Kyungsoo wants to open his mouth but he doesn’t even know what to say. „Jongin, you’re hot and all but this.. is really awkward.“ 

Baekhyun’s now staring at Jongin who’s currently half naked and sporting a huge boner, looking like he’s about to pass out from how red he is in the face. „Baekhyun hyung-“ He chokes out but stops when Baekhyun’s eyes flicker down to his crotch. His best friend just _stares_ at Jongin’s crotch and Jongin seems too frozen to move.

Kyungsoo wants to throw something at his roommate's stupid face but instead he crosses the distance to stand with his back to Jongin’s chest, to shield him from Baekhyun’s perverted eyes. 

„Fuck that’s even worse!!!“ Baekhyun screams then, laughing and whining with his eyes set on Kyungsoo’s own boxers who are more than just tented at this point, a wet patch forming on the front from precum. 

And suddenly Jongin grips his biceps and flips him around, turning himself too so he’s standing with his back to Baekhyun and covering Kyungso like that. Kyungsoo looks up at him, flushed and mortified and aroused.

But Jongin looks so good, so cute, with his flushed cheeks and messy hair and the shy grin he has while he stares down at Kyungsoo. „Sorry.“ He whispers, his arms wrapping around Kyungsoo securely. 

Kyungsoo laughs nervously, groaning when he hides his face in Jongin’s warm chest. 

„Uhm… Okay? You’re just going to keep going? Cause I’m still here.“ Baekhyun pipes up from the doorway. „I mean, if you’re into voyeurism all you gotta do is ask-“ 

„Baek!“ Kyungsoo cuts him off. „Can you please leave?!“ 

He hears his roommate cackle loudly. „I’m gonna take a shower. Please do pick up where you left off.“ 

Kyungsoo opens his mouth to snap at him but Baekhyun’s already gone before he can do so.

„I’m really sorry.“ Jongin says again but he looks like he tries not to laugh. 

Kyungsoo can’t help but smile back. „You didn’t do anything Jongin. And Baekhyun deserved to have this happen to him for once.“ 

„He didn’t seem so put off to be honest.“ Jongin says, smile turning a little softer when Kyungsoo brings his fingers up to push some strands of hair out of his eyes. 

„He probably wasn’t, that’s why.“ Kyungsoo laughs a little too much at the thought but stops when Jongin gives him one of those looks again, like they’ve been together for more than just a few days, like there’s something more between them they can’t speak out loud. „Stop-“

„Staring at you.“ Jongin finishes for him, leaning closer so he can press a gentle kiss to Kyungsoo’s cheek. „I don’t think I’ll ever stop staring at you hyung. I just…“

Kyungsoo flushes at his words. „What?“

But Jongin doesn’t respond, he just keeps looking at Kyungsoo until Kyungsoo starts squirming in his embrace, feeling hot all over. „Jongin… this isn’t fair.“ 

„What isn’t?“ Jongin asks, looking slightly nervous. „That I think you’re beautiful?“ 

„I just… feel like.. like I’m going to burst when you look at me like that.“ Kyungsoo sighs. 

Jongin smiles at this, perfect and beautiful and Kyungsoo’s just so- 

„Is that so bad though?“ Jongin asks quietly, not teasing as his fingers trail down Kyungsoo’s arm until he has reached his hand, fitting his fingers between the gaps of Kyungsoo’s own. „Because you make me feel like that too.“ 

Kyungsoo keeps quiet, his heart swelling with something while he squeezes Jongin’s hand, not knowing what to say, not knowing where this is going.

„Hyung.“ Jongin says and waits patiently until Kyungsoo looks back up at him no matter how hard it is to keep eye contact with Jongin without feeling like he’s running out of air. „Do you… do you want to be with me?“ 

„Be with you?“ Kyungsoo repeats, automatically leaning into the touch when Jongin curls his other hand around his arm. 

Jongin nods and Kyungsoo watches how his Adam’s apple bobs nervously. „Be with me.“ 

Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out, he only takes in everything that Jongin is silently, from the silky strands of his hair to his eyes that seems to hide an entire world inside them. 

„I uhm… I know I messed up“ Jongin starts speaking but his voice is wavering as if he’s scared and Kyungsoo hates that more than anything. „But if you let me I’m going to prove to you just how much of my heart you already have. And I.. really want you to have all of it hyung.“ 

Kyungsoo doesn’t mean to, but he starts laughing nonetheless, and it’s so awful the way Jongin’s face falls, as if he thinks that Kyungsoo’s laughing _at_ him when really, he’s laughing at the entire situation and most of all himself since all he wants to do is hide underneath his covers and maybe grin like an idiot or cry, he’s not all that sure. 

„I’m not-“ He pulls a pained face and there are tears in his eyes from laughter, it’s what he tells himself, but there’s something a lot more vulnerable behind them, something about the way Jongin’s words made him feel. 

No one has ever said anything like that to him. 

No one’s ever looked the way at him Jongin always does. 

No one’s ever treated him the way Jongin does.

And no one has ever made him feel the way Jongin does, like he’s the happiest person in the world, like he wants to give Jongin the moon and stars for just looking at Kyungsoo, smiling at him, kissing him in a way that makes him feel so… so appreciated.

„Jongin.“ He says, sighing when Jongin catches a tear with his thumb before it can slip out. He’s not sure if it’s from laughing or something else.

„Why are you crying?“ Jongin asks, his hands framing Kyungsoo’s face. 

„I’m not crying.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, his own fingers curling around Jongin’s arms when he leans his head against Jongin’s chest. „I’m just… a little overwhelmed.“ 

Jongin’s silent for a moment and Kyungsoo listens to his in- and exhales in the quiet kitchen, can hear faint sounds of Baekhyun showering in the background. „So.. is that a yes?“ 

Kyungsoo leans back to look into Jongin’s eyes and a smile spreads across his face. „Of course.“ 

And the way Jongin beams at him makes him feel like he’s done something right for the first time, especially when Jongin leans down to kiss him until Kyungsoo forgets how to breathe. 

He seriously never ever wants to stop kissing Jongin.

And he never wants to let go of him either. 

 

 

Jongin leaves after breakfast since they both have stuff to do for their classes and Jongin’s got dance practice. 

„So uhm… can I maybe have your number?“ Jongin asks once he’s all dressed up. 

They’re standing by the door and Kyungsoo’s leaning against the wall. He doesn’t want Jongin to leave. Especially not after what happened last time, how it played out. 

But this time it’s different, it’s okay. Jongin wouldn’t do that to him on purpose, he knows that. Kyungsoo holds onto that thought. 

„Hm..“ Kyungsoo hums. „Depends. Are you going to call this time?“ 

He’s teasing but Jongin’s face falls a little. „Hyung.. of course I will. I’ll call you as soon as I’m on the train.“ 

Kyungsoo smiles softly. „Give me your phone.“ 

Jongin pulls his phone out of his pocket and hands it over and Kyungsoo, once again, saves his number in it. When he gives it back to Jongin, there’s a brief moment where he meets his eyes and he doesn’t know what he looks like, but Jongin looks sad all of a sudden. 

He watches how Jongin types something on his phone and a moment later his own vibrates inside his pocket. He’s about to reach inside to pull it out but Jongin stops him with a hand on his wrist. 

„Read it when I’m gone.“ He mumbles and Kyungsoo nods, steps a little closer to get Jongin to stop looking like this.

„You okay?“ He asks and reaches a hand out to brush his hair out of his eyes. 

Jongin looks like he’s going to say something but then he smiles and shakes his head. „Just a little bummed because I won’t see you for so long.“ 

Kyungsoo smiles too at that, shrugging his shoulders. „I’m sorry.. you know how it is with christmas break coming up.“ 

„I know.“ Jongin presses his lips together. „I wish we wouldn’t live so far away from each other. I’m sure I could make time to visit you somehow.“ 

„No.. you’ve got to focus on school and your dancing. That comes first. We’ll… we’ll figure something out.“

Jongin pouts. „But I like you a lot more than school.“ 

„Jongin.“ Kyungsoo laughs and shakes his head. „You’re like a child sometimes.“ 

„I’m not really an adult in the states yet, I’m allowed.“ Jongin grins and Kyungsoo tries to not smile back but as if that’s possible when Jongin is looking so cute. 

„When is your train leaving?“ Kyungsoo asks, eyes flicking over to the clock hanging on the wall behind Jongin.

Jongin turns back to check the time. „Oh!“ He turns back to Kyungsoo and pulls a grimace. „In ten minutes?“ 

„Well, you’re not going to make it!“ Kyungsoo scolds. „The train station is a ten minute’s walk away!“ 

„Oops?“

Kyungso groans. „I’ll go get the keys for the car.“ 

He’s glad to see that Jongin’s already wearing his jacket and shoes once he’s back. „I’m sorry hyung- you really don’t have to drive me-“

„It’s okay. Come on.“ He says, smiling up at the boy to reassure him. He walks ahead and smiles to himself when he feels Jongin’s fingers slide over his palm and in between his own while he follows him. 

„Am I going to miss it?“ Jongin asks from the passenger seat a few minutes later. 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. „We’ll be there in about a minute, don’t worry.“ He focuses on the road as best as he can, but Jongin’s staring at him all the time and it’s like it’s bringing him a lot of joy, to see Kyungsoo squirm in his seat.

He stops the car somewhere close to the main entrance since Jongin still has to go and get a ticket and he only has about four minutes left. 

Kyungsoo gets out of the car and waits for Jongin to do the same and once the boy is standing in front of him he quickly pulls him down into a hug. „Take care.“ He mumbles and smiles when Jongin hugs him back just as tightly. 

„I’ll text you every day and maybe we can skype too?“ Jongin holds on a little tighter, like he doesn’t want to let go and as much as Kyungsoo enjoys this, he knows Jongin’s going to be late. 

He pulls back a little only to have Jongin lean down and pull him into a deep kiss, surprising Kyungsoo so much it has him stumbling back and into the side of his car. Jongin is caging him in with his hands on the roof and he deepens the kiss even further, pulling a soft sound from Kyungsoo’s throat while his own hands are holding onto the lapels of Jongin’s coat. He really doesn’t have any self control when it comes to Jongin because he’s kissing back with just as much fervor, standing on his tiptoes to taste Jongin’s lips for as long as he can. 

But in the end it’s him who pushes Jongin away, panting against the younger’s lips while he tries to collect his thoughts. „You need to go, you’re going to miss your train.“ He says but doesn’t really resist when Jongin steals another kiss. 

„Yeah.“ Jongin breathes and he looks flushed when he presses one last kiss to the corner of Kyungsoo’s lips and then his cheek. „I’ll call you hyung. I promise.“

Kyungsoo stares into his eyes, his heart doing flips in his chest at the sight of the younger boy and he nods. „I know. Now go.“ 

Jongin nods and he looks like he’s about to kiss Kyungsoo again but the latter ducks away under Jongin’s arms. „Go!“ He laughs when Jongin pouts at him and then finally runs when Kyungsoo gives him a little push because really, he only has two minutes left and he’s not going to make it and even now, he turns around to wave and doesn’t walk any further until Kyungsoo laughs and waves back. 

He watches him disappear in the mass of people before he climbs back into his own car, smiling all the way and his hands still a little shaky when he grips the steering wheel.  

It’s about two minutes into the drive when his phone starts vibrating in his pocket again and Kyungsoo pulls it out just to check who’s calling. It’s a number he hasn’t saved but he knows it has to be Jongin. 

„Hello?“ 

„Hi hyung.“ Jongin sounds a little out of breath but he seems to be smiling nonetheless, at least that’s how it sounds. 

„Did you miss the train?“ Kyungsoo wants to know, ready to turn his car around to go pick him up. 

„No. I caught it.“ Jongin says. 

„Oh.“ Kyungsoo pulls into the garage of their apartment complex. „Wait, are you calling just because you said you’d call?“

„Yeah.“ Jongin says. „Sorry, I’ll hang up right away just.. you know. I didn’t want to leave you hanging again.“ 

„Jongin.“ Kyungsoo sighs once he’s parked the car. He turns off the engine and leans back in his seat. „You need to stop. I’m not blaming you for anything so you shouldn’t either.“ 

„I know. I know..“ 

„Okay.. have a nice trip.“ Kyungsoo mumbles after a bit of silence from both sides. He bites at his lip, contemplating wether he should speak his thoughts out loud or not. He doesn’t want to be too clingy but it’s not like Jongin isn’t a clingy puppy either, right? 

„Jongin?“ 

„Yeah?“ 

„I’m going to miss you.“ He finally says. 

He waits, holding his breath and when Jongin finally answers he knows the younger is smiling again. „Good.“ 

Kyungsoo arches his eyebrows. „Good?“ 

„Read my message from earlier.“ Jongin says then. 

„Okay…“ Kyungsoo unbuckles his seatbelt. „Text me when you’re home?“ 

„I will.“ 

„Okay. Bye Jongin.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, fingers fumbling with the fabric of his sweater. It feels like he should say more but then again, there really isn’t much more he could say, being only this far into their… relationship? 

„Bye hyung.“ Jongin says back softly and it makes Kyungsoo smile because his voice is as gorgeous as everything else about him too. 

Kyungsoo hangs up and then remembers the message Jongin was talking about. He quickly opens the chat to read it. 

 

**_i already miss you x_ **

 

 

x

 

The week passes in a blur. 

Kyungsoo is torn between work and school and now Jongin, too. 

It’s weird. 

To call Jongin his boyfriend. 

But it’s kind of awesome too. 

Since Jongin lives in Seoul and Kyungsoo about a six hour’s drive away, it’s basically impossible to make time to go visit the other, with both of them having college and jobs.

But Jongin texts him all the time. And Kyungsoo falls for him more and more with every word the boy writes which is so stupid but great at the same time. 

He doesn’t remember the last time he’s smiled so much, like an idiot, all the time. On the bus when he reads one of Jongin’s stupid jokes, in class when Jongin sends him a selfie where he’s pouting because Sehun ate the chicken in the fridge.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol tease him for it all the time but honestly, he doesn’t care. And he knows they don’t mean it, because Baekhyun smiles at him, fond and happy whenever Kyungsoo tells them something about Jongin.

It’s new. This hasn’t ever happened before. 

Normally it’s Kyungsoo being heartbroken and his friends trying to cheer him up with movies and fast food. 

Now it’s them trying to get him to eat because he doesn’t really feel hungry. Because it feels like his stomach is full of butterflies whenever he thinks of Jongin’s voice, which is all the time.

 

 

It’s been more than half a month since they last saw each other and Kyungsoo wakes up to this.

**_good morning hyung. i miss you and i really want to kiss you! xx_ **

To which Kyungsoo responds with **_Good morning Jongin. I miss you too._**

And then Jongin writes **_you don’t wanna kiss me? :(_**

And then Kyungsoo smiles like an idiot, flushing with how much he wants Jongin here right now.

**_I want to kiss you all the time._ **

Jongin’s answer comes a little belated.

**_i want to see you so bad hyung_ **

Kyungsoo smiles again, softer this time. He never thought he’d be this person, constantly wanting someone to be by his side but here he is, thinking about Jongin all the time, fighting the urge to jump into his car and drive through the night just so he can press their lips together. 

**_Me too._ **

 

x

 

It’s better when he’s busy working or studying, gives him not enough time to think about Jongin’s cute smile or the way his arms feel around him. 

But it’s been a month and it’s getting kind of hard, especially since they basically only just got together. Feels like they should be together all the time and now they’re just.. not.

„You could go visit him this weekend, right?“ Baekhyun suggests one night while they’re having dinner. 

„I have an exam coming up.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, pushing the piece of chicken around on his plate. He knows he’s sulking, no matter how much he tries to hide it. 

„So what? It’s one exam you idiot. And you can study on our way there, I’ll even drive.“

Kyungsoo looks up to frown at him. „What do you mean _we_? You’re not coming with me.“

„Ha! So you _are_ going.“ Baekhyun gives him a smug smirk. „And I am coming, too. I’ve already texted Sehun about it. We’ve like, properly organized it and all.“ 

„Organized?“ Kyungsoo shakes his head. „Since when are you talking to Jongin’s friend?“

„Roommate and best friend.“ Baekhyun corrects him. „And to answer your question, since that night at the club.“ 

„You called him a bleached asshole.“ Kyungsoo frowns at him. What else has his roommate done behind his back? 

„But I apologized to him! He’s actually really funny and cute.“

Kyungsoo laughs a bit. „Does Chanyeol know about this?“

„Chanyeol never gets jealous. Especially not when there’s nothing to get jealous about. Sehun’s very much into boobs.“ Baekhyun points a finger at him. „Stop interrupting me! Like I said, Sehun and I have planned it all out. We’re going to drive there on Friday after lunch when your last class is over and Sehun’s going to make sure that Jongin doesn’t go to dance practice that night so we can properly surprise him. It’ll be perfect!“ 

„I don’t know-“

„And I don’t care.“ 

„Baekhyun, maybe he doesn’t want-“

„That’s bullshit and you know it! Sehun told me that Jongin’s been acting like a lovesick puppy ever since he got back. And you’re not better off so please just shut up and look forward to it.“ 

Kyungsoo stares at him for a moment and then sighs. „Okay. Thank you.“

„You’re welcome.“ Baekhyun says and they boy look at each other with a stoic expression until Baekhyun starts grinning and Kyungsoo’s lips start twitching from how he tries not to smile back. „I know you’re happy, stop trying to act like you’re not.“ 

„Shut up..“

„Love you too.“

Kyungsoo smiles then and Baekhyun nods, satisfied, like he’s accomplished some kind of mission.

 

x

 

„Kyungsoo?“

Kyungsoo sits down on the couch and presses the phone a little tighter against his ear. 

„Hey.“ He says. 

„Hi!“ Junmyeon says from the other side, sounding as happy as always. „What’s up? Is everything alright?“

„Yeah, everything’s fine don’t worry. How are you?“ Kyungsoo asks.

„I’m doing great. A little stressed with christmas break coming up. You know how it is..“ 

Kyungsoo chuckles a little. „Yeah…“

„So..“ Junmyeon starts. „Baekhyun told me. About you and Jongin. Are you… together now?“

„Uhm…“ Of course Baekhyun would tell his entire family and the entire circle of friends. God, he probably has told every single customer from that grocery store too. „I mean.. I think so?“ 

„You think so?“ Junmyeon chuckles. 

Kyungsoo groans and hides his face in his arms. „We are.“ 

Junmyeon hums. „Thought so. Well, I’m happy for you Soo. I just don’t want to see you again like that. So.. you know, if he does something like that again-“

„Hyung.“ Kyungsoo sighs. „Thank you but.. I can take care of myself. And it was just a stupid misunderstanding anyways.“

„Yeah, but he still hurt you.“

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything. He’s not sure if he should ask what he was about to ask Junmyeon anymore. 

„But I mean, you’re grown up. You can make your own decisions. And if he makes you happy then that’s all that counts, right?“

„Right.“ Kyungsoo gulps and starts gnawing at his lower lip. 

„So, why did you call me?“ Junmyeon wants to know. 

„Uh, yeah about that.“ Kyungsoo sits up a bit straighter. „I was going to ask you for a favor, actually.“ 

„Sure. What is it?“

„So. Do you remember telling me about this friend of yours? The one from that entertainment company. Zhang Yixing, was it?“ 

„Yeah…“ Junmyeon sounds confused now. „What about him?“ 

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer for a moment. 

„Wait.. Soo, are you going to take me up on that offer? Kyungsoo, that’s great! Yixing loves your voice-“

„No!“ Kyungsoo interrupts him quickly. „No hyung it’s not- it’s not for me.“ 

„It’s for Jongin.“ Junmyeon says after a moment of silence. 

„Yeah.“ Kyungsoo says. „I know what you think hyung and I can assure you that Jongin didn’t ask me to do this, okay? He doesn’t know anything about this.“ 

Junmyeon’s silent for a moment and it’s worrying but this is important to Kyungsoo so he doesn’t let it get to him. „Okay… Go on.“ Junmyeon says after a few seconds.

„Look hyung.. it’s kind of a long story but you’ve seen yourself how amazing Jongin is. He recently had a meeting with another company but that.. kind of didn’t work out. So I just. You know, wanted to know if you could help me out. I know it’s a lot to ask for but maybe you could.. I don’t know..“

„Kyungsoo.“ Junmyeon interrupts him and Kyungsoo can hear that his friend is smiling now. „I’ll see what I can do.“ 

Kyungsoo huffs out a tired breath. „Okay. Thank you.“

 

x

 

Friday comes in the blink of an eye. Once Kyungsoo comes back from his last class around lunch time Baekhyun’s already busy packing. 

„Soo, hurry up!“ Baekhyun groans when Kyungsoo just stands there lifelessly. 

„I’m tired..“ He mumbles, brings a hand up to rub at his eyes. 

He knows he should be more excited to see Jongin, and he is, he really is. He needs the boy’s gentle arms around him more than anything. Not that he could ever admit that but… 

They’ve barely even texted in the past few days, with Kyungsoo being so busy with exams. He’s been sleeping in the library, literally and Kyungsoo isn’t even sure if he’s going to make it there alive with how much sleep he’s lacking at this point. 

He did plan on studying during the drive but now he’s not so sure anymore. And there’s also his boss who wants him to come in for the late night shift at the cinema on Sunday and he really should say no but he knows how much Baekhyun and him need the money. 

It’s really frustrating because he knows himself, knows he’s not going to be enjoying it fully with all the crap waiting for him back home. 

„Kyungsoo?“ Baekhyun asks, stepping closer. „You’re not sick, are you? Because if you are, you better say it now-“

„I’m not sick.“ Kyungsoo groans but then he sees the slightly disappointed look on Baekhyun’s face and instantly feels bad for acting like this. „I’m sorry Baek.. I’m just tired. I’ll go pack and then we can go, okay?“

Baekhyun looks at him carefully. „Aren’t you excited to see him?“

„I am.“ Kyungsoo mumbles, scratching at his cheek. 

Ever since Baekhyun walked in on him and Jongin doing… _that_ in the kitchen he really feels uncomfortable talking about Jongin with Baekhyun. 

„Well, you don’t look like it.“ Baekhyun snorts. „I’m pretty sure _I’m_ more excited to see Jongin than you are. Not that I’m complaining, you know. More for me. I’m sure Jongin and I will get along just fine-“

At this, Kyungsoo’s head snaps up before he glares at Baekhyun. „He’s mine.“ 

There’s a moment of silence after his words, Baekhyun gaping at him and Kyungsoo flushing a little at his outburst. And then Baekhyun starts laughing, loud and obnoxiously until Kyungsoo can’t take it anymore and is about to punch his arm to get him to stop.

„Kyungsoo, fuck you should’ve seen your face!“ Baekhyun wipes some imaginary tears away before taking a deep breath. „Never thought I’d see the day you go all Alpha on me.“ 

Kyungsoo grunts and starts walking into his room. 

„I’m proud of you!“ 

Kyungsoo slams his door in response. 

 

Half and hour later they’ve packed their stuff into the car. Baekhyun insists on driving first, so Kyungsoo can use what’s left of his energy to get some study material into his head.

„We’ll switch halfway through, okay?“ Kyungsoo says while he puts his seatbelt on. 

Baekhyun turns the engine on and nods. „Sure.“ 

Kyungsoo sighs and flips his textbook open. He’d rather not study right now. He feels really tired after working until after midnight at the restaurant yesterday. But it’s an important exam and he wants to at least get some decent results for this semester so he starts reading the passages about market prices.

Twelve minutes later his head rolls to the side tiredly and before he’s fast asleep, Baekhyun’s snort is the last thing he hears. 

 

 

„You should’ve woken me up.“ Kyungsoo grumbles hours later when the sky’s already turned dark outside. He doesn’t know how long he’s slept or how far on their trip they already are. „How long did I sleep?“

Baekhyun smiles at him. „We’re there in twenty minutes.“ 

„What?“ Kyungsoo’s eyes widen and he checks his phone to confirm Baekhyun’s words. „Baek why- that’s dangerous!! You can’t drive this long. Pull over I’ll-“

„Calm down. God, I like you better when you’re asleep.“ Baekhyun rolls his eyes. „I made a stop a while ago, had a little nap. I’m not that irresponsible, you know.“

Kyungsoo’s silent for a while, cars passing them and the gentle sounds of the radio nearly lulling him back to sleep. 

It’s not a surprise really, given the fact he’s been walking around with not more than two hours of sleep per night for the past few days.

„You should’ve woken me up Baek. I feel bad. You’re doing all of this and I just..“

„Hey.. look, I know how hard it was for you lately, okay? I’m just being a good friend. Let me for once.“

„For once.“ Kyungsoo scoffs, playing with his fingers. „For once? You’re always a good friend. I’m the one who’s always sulking around and you’re just.. always in a good mood, trying to cheer me up.“ 

„God.. Soo. Don’t start this again..“ Baekhyun sighs. „And you were the one who let me crash at your place for nearly half a year without expecting anything in return.“

„That’s not the same.“

„And you cook for me every day.“ Baekhyun goes on. „If our asses aren’t too broke to buy food that is.“ 

„I like cooking..“

„You always clean after me. You never say anything when Chanyeol gets annoying. You watch stupid dramas with me even though you hate it. You make me study every once in a while so I don’t end up being a complete failure. And once you even draped a blanket over me when I fell asleep on the couch. If that isn’t true love, then I don’t know what is.“

Kyungsoo looks over at his best friend and can’t help but smile at his words. „You’re stupid, you know that?“

„Yeah, you tell me every day, how can I not?“ Baekhyun grins back. „But on a serious note.. Soo. Uhm.. you’re kind of the best friend I ever had. No one could be better for me. So.. don’t put yourself down all the time. I don’t like it.“ 

„Okay.“ Kyungsoo looks out of the window. „Now stop talking like that. It creeps me out.“

Baekhyun laughs. „Love you Soo.“ 

„Love you too Baek.“ 

 

 

Kyungsoo falls asleep for the rest of the drive again and when Baekhyun wakes him up by shaking his shoulder he realizes that they’re already in a parking lot in front of an apartment complex.

He frowns a little, since it kind of looks expensive. Not something a couple of college students could afford. „Are you sure we’re at the right place?“

„Yep.“ Baekhyun unbuckles his seatbelt and starts to climb out of the car.

„How can they afford this?“ Kyungsoo asks, still eyeing the huge building. 

„Have you forgotten about Sehun’s rich ass parents? _That’s_ how they can afford this.“ 

Kyungsoo nods a little hesitantly. This is where the excitement finally kicks in.

And he means it quite literally because it feels like a punch to his chest as he struggles to breathe, knowing that Jongin’s somewhere up there. 

„Now’s not the time to freak out.“ Baekhyun sing song while he drags a stiff Kyungsoo towards the building. 

„I’m not freaking out!“ Kyungsoo hisses but there’s a drop of sweat rolling down his temple despite the cold temperatures outside.

„You guys are in a relationship for god’s sake. How long is this going to be like this?“ 

Kyungsoo keeps quiet when Baekhyun pushes him into the elevator. 

He’s right, Kyungsoo should man up.

But then he thinks about the letter „ _J“_ in Jongin’s name and his knees start getting weak. 

„You’re hopeless.“ Baekhyun snickers, watching how Kyungsoo’s starting to show his nervous habits. Like looking everywhere with his wide eyes, licking his lips every two seconds, making weird humming noises too.

_Hopelessly crazy about Jongin._

Kyungsoo just stands there while Baekhyun rings the doorbell, thinking that this is stupid, that Jongin probably won’t even be that happy to see him. This whole surprise thing is such a stupid idea, why does he listen to Baekhyun-

The door swings open before Kyungsoo can turn around and run away like the idiot he is, revealing a smiling Sehun. 

„Hello Kyungsoo hyung!“ Sehun then says and even bows down a little in front of Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo hastily bows back and Baekhyun only laughs. 

„What the fuck are you doing? Drop the honors you idiots.“ He reaches out and ruffles Sehun’s hair and the boy only smiles in return and Kyungsoo just stands there gaping.

„Hyung, come inside!“ Sehun says and wraps his fingers around Kyungsoo’s wrist to tug him into the hallway.

Kyungsoo’s eyes land on a pair of sneakers that are placed on the floor and his heart immediately starts beating faster once he recognizes them to be Jongin’s from when he had visited Kyungsoo’s apartment. 

Sehun seems to notice this and he smiles, lowering his voice. „I promise haven’t told him anything.“ 

Kyungsoo looks up at Jongin’s friend and smiles weakly, doesn’t really know why the hell he’s still so nervous about meeting Jongin after everything. 

„So how do we do this?“ Baekhyun asks quietly for Kyungsoo. „Do we just.. sit here and scare the shit out of him?“

„Yeah.“ Sehun whispers back. „I thought we’d just sit down here and then he walks in and sees Kyungsoo and bam.. best surprise in the world.“ 

Kyungsoo bites at his lower lip nervously. Is it though? Is it a good surprise? Sure, Jongin told him every day how much he misses him but maybe he’ll be annoyed that Kyungsoo showed up here unannounced and everything-

„Hyung? You okay? You look like you’re going to pass out.“ Sehun aks, frowning at him. 

Baekhyun shakes his head. „Don’t mind him, he’s having his daily dose of mental breakdown.“ 

„You don’t have to be nervous. God, Jongin’s been talking about you every second. You should’ve seen him, moping around because he missed you so much-“

„Wait-“ Kyungsoo tries to say when he hears some footsteps the other two obviously don’t seem to notice but it’s too late because the next second Jongin steps around the corner. 

Kyungsoo holds his breath as his heart does a little jump inside his chest upon seeing him again. 

Jongin doesn’t seem to notice them, he has a towel in one hand and is busy rubbing his wet hair with it and he just walks by the living room without a second glance since the towel is blocking his view. 

Once the younger is out of view after walking inside the kitchen Sehun exchanges an amused look with the both of them. 

„He’s such an idiot!“ He whispers and Baekhyun grins back and Kyungsoo wants to tell him to stop calling him an idiot but then Jongin is coming back with a bottle of water in his hands. 

And this time he does notice them. 

He looks up lazily and then freezes completely, eyes widening once they land on Kyungsoo’s form. 

They stare at each other dumbly for a moment and Kyungsoo can’t say he isn’t, once again, completely intrigued by Jongin’s appearance. Baekhyun digs his elbow into Kyungsoo’s side so he stops standing there like some kind of statue and Kyungsoo clears his throat, smiling a little. 

„Hey.“ He says, bringing his hand up to wave at Jongin awkwardly. 

It’s silent in the room, all Kyungsoo can hear is the blood rushing through his ears while everyone waits for some kind of reaction from Jongin.

Jongin blinks, and then finally, starts beaming, like the sun goes up in his face from how wide he smiles all of a sudden, his eyes disappearing and crinkling in such a cute way it takes everything for Kyungsoo to not have a heart attack right there. 

He lets go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, relieved that Jongin seems to be as happy to see him as Kyungsoo feels right now.

„Hyung!“ Jongin suddenly jumps forward and the next thing Kyungsoo knows is that his face is pressed up against Jongin’s chest while the younger has him wrapped up in his arms so tightly it’s hard to breathe.

Not that Kyungsoo really cares. He hides his smile in Jongin’s chest and brings his own arms up to wrap them around Jongin’s neck, tugging him closer and taking in his scent. He seems to be fresh out of shower since there’s still some droplets clinging to his skin. 

„Kyungsoo…“ Jongin whines into his neck and Kyungsoo laughs softly at how Jongin is clinging to him. 

Kyungsoo feels so ridiculously happy, just because he can see Jongin again, because he’s holding him. 

He pulls back after a while, his eyes catching the smile Baekhyun’s sending his way. It’s not teasing at all. He knows Baekhyun’s just happy for him so he smiles back before Sehun tugs at Baekhyun’s arm to guide him into the kitchen. 

„Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?“ Jongin asks once they’re alone. Kyungsoo notices how the younger moves his eyes over his face like it’s the first time he’s seeing him and it’s slightly unnerving, because he gives him _that_ look but Kyungsoo doesn’t really feel like telling him to stop anymore. 

He likes it more than he’d ever admit. 

„I.. well, it was supposed to be a surprise.“ Kyungsoo explains. „Uhm.. was it a good one?“

Jongin smiles brighter. „Of course! This is amazing!“ He leans closer and presses a soft kiss to Kyungsoo’s cheek. „I missed you like crazy..“ 

Kyungsoo smiles up at his, bringing a hand up to cradle Jongin’s cheek. „I missed you too.“ He says and then he stands up on his tiptoes to push his lips against Jongin’s, feels them slot together perfectly and how Jongin holds him closer as he kisses him back. 

He intended on giving him one kiss, sweet and warm but it’s not really possible, not when he shudders like this from feeling Jongin’s soft lips against his own, or the pleased sound Jongin makes against him once he starts kissing him from a different angle. The younger pulls him right back in when he tries to pull away and Kyungsoo can’t hold back the small whimper that escapes his throat when Jongin kisses him like this, like he never wants to stop, like he’s making up for the past few days they spent texting and talking over the phone instead of doing this.

They kiss until Kyungsoo’s mind is reeling, not only from being pressed up against Jongin but also from the lack of oxygen. He pulls away, panting softly against Jongin’s lips, smiles once Jongin rubs his palms over his back soothingly. 

„You’re going to stay over, right?“ Jongin whispers, lips brushing against Kyungsoo’s temple. There’s something about the way he’s holding Kyungsoo, like he doesn’t want to let go, and Kyungsoo has never felt so wanted before. 

He nods once, closing his eyes when Jongin presses soft kisses against his temple, his cheek, his jaw. „If that’s okay.“ 

Jongin nods too and Kyungsoo can feel him smile, causing him to smile too. „Stay forever please..“

Kyungsoo laughs and Jongin smiles wider, hugs him even tighter and maybe he can feel just how hard Kyungsoo’s heart is beating for him but he thinks for once, he doesn’t mind at all. 

„Aww!“ 

Jongin turns his head at the sound, still holding onto Kyungsoo, while the latter peaks over Jongin’s shoulder to see their friends standing there. 

Baekhyun’s got a huge grin on his face while Sehun looks like he wants to leave the room. 

„Ugh, I forgot you guys are still in that weird honey moon phase.“ He grumbles. 

Jongin turns around and takes Kyungsoo’s hand, slotting their fingers together while he walks towards their friends. „Don’t take your sexual frustration out on us.“

„What sexual frustration?“ Baekhyun asks. 

„Nothing!“ Sehun snaps and Kyungsoo hides his grin in Jongin’s shoulder when the boy turns as red as a tomato. 

„He’s been in love with this girl from his english class for years now but he doesn’t have the balls to-“

„Shut up!“ Sehun jumps forward and attacks Jongin with a few slaps here and there. His eyebrows are furrowed and he kind of looks deadly right now. „I did this all for you and this is how you treat me? Be. Fucking. Nice!“ 

„Hey, don’t fucking swear!“ Baekhyun snaps but Sehun’s still busy hitting Jongin, who in return is too busy protecting himself and laughing and Kyungsoo just stands there, not really knowing what to do. 

Jongin makes a pained noise at one particularly hit to his chest and Kyungsoo knows they’re just play fighting but just.. It’s Jongin, okay? 

He steps forward to put a hand on Sehun’s chest, frowning up at him. „Stop.“ He mumbles and Sehun looks down at him with wide eyes. 

„Sorry hyung.“ He mumbles and shoots Jongin one last glare before turning around and heading into the kitchen. 

Kyungsoo looks back at Jongin, catches him smiling at him widely. „You’re too cute.“ Jongin mumbles, before tugging him by his wrist to kiss his lips softly. Kyungsoo smiles into it, well aware how stupid this is, how they’re acting like this, but his heart is going crazy and he thinks he wouldn’t mind kissing Jongin for the rest of his life. 

„If you could kindly stop eating each other’s faces I’d really appreciate getting some real food. I’m starving.“ Baekhyun grumbles after Kyungsoo pulls back. 

Jongin clears his throat and turns to face Baekhyun. „Sorry hyung. It’s nice to see you again.“ He says and bows a little awkwardly. 

„It is.“ Baekhyun says. He watches them silently and Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what that means. 

Jongin’s hand fumbles with his fingers between their hips, mostly hidden from Baekhyun while he tangles them together. And it feels like nothing could be better than this, just this, Jongin by his side, holding his hand. 

Baekhyun’s eyes flicker down to their tightly clasped hands before he looks at Jongin. „I’m really glad things worked out for you guys.“ 

He feels Jongin squeeze his hand and his eyes dart to the ground to ground himself. 

„Me too.“ Jongin says and rubs his thumb over the skin between Kyungsoo’s thumb and index finger. 

„Good.“ Baekhyun clears his throat. „How about Kyungsoo cooks something for us?“ 

Kyungsoo frowns at him and Jongin shrugs. „I mean..“ He looks down at Kyungsoo. „You must be tired. We can just order something.“ 

„But-“ Baekhyun starts and Kyungsoo just silently stares him down until his friend closes his mouth because honestly, no matter how much he enjoys cooking, he doesn’t think he couldn’t even prepare a decent sandwich in his current state.

Sehun joins them again, his phone ready in his palm. „So who wants what? You can have as much as you want.“ He smiles and turns to blink at Jongin. „Jongin’s paying.“ 

„What-“ Jongin starts.

„I need meat!“ Baekhyun buts in. 

„Great!“ Sehun smiles even brighter. „I’ll just order like, the party sized bulgogi boxes and-“

„We’re four people!“ Jongin snaps. „There’s no need for party sized anything-“

„Huh.“ Sehun’s eyes flicker towards Kyungsoo. „If I were you I’d be really embarrassed to act so stingy in front of my boyfriend.“ 

This shuts Jongin up instantly, as well as Kyungsoo, who’s hand clings onto Jongin’s a lot tighter now. 

_Boyfriend._

God, he really needs to get a grip. It won’t take much and he’ll start giggling and squealing like a character from one of Baekhyun’s anime shows. 

„Just…“ Jongin sighs. „Order whatever you want.“ 

Sehun smiles, and Baekhyun looks satisfied and Kyungsoo just turns to press his forehead against Jongin’s shoulder, not really caring about the food all that much anymore. 

 

 

Two hours later it actually does look like there was a party in Jongin and Sehun’s living room. There are boxes and tissues scattered everywhere and it smells like spices and grilled meat in there.

Sehun’s groaning on the couch, rubbing his belly. „That was too much.“ Kyungsoo isn’t sure but he thinks Sehun ate at least four of the fast food boxes and he doesn’t know where it went. The kid is as skinny as a stick. Sehun burps and Kyungsoo frowns at the sad sight of him moaning about his tummy hurting.

„That was amazing.“ Baekhyun sighs after cleaning his mouth with a napkin. 

Jongin and Kyungsoo are sitting on the other couch, their arms pressed together while they watch the entire scene. Jongin’s still eating his noodles and Kyungsoo just sits there waiting for him to finish so he can start cleaning up the mess. 

„You barely ate anything hyung.“ Jongin mumbles quietly so only Kyungsoo can hear. „You can have this if you want, I’m not hungry anymore-“

Kyungsoo shakes his head. „No I’m fine, eat up.“  
  
Jongin doesn’t seem convinced and he nudges the box into Kyungsoo’s face until he starts laughing. „I’m serious Jongin, I’m full.“ Jongin sets the box down then, stretching a little. 

Kyungsoo is about to get up to start collecting the trash and briefly considers picking Baekhyun up too since his friend is sprawled out in the middle of all the dirtied napkins like he belongs with them. 

„No, sit down.“ Jongin says, grabbing Kyungsoo’s wrist to make him sit back down. „Me and Sehun are going to clean up.“ 

And Kyungsoo honestly expects Sehun to start arguing but the boy only sits up and yawns, shaking his head. „No, no. You guys go ahead, I’ll do it.“

Even Jongin seems surprised. „Really?“ 

Sehun nods. „Yeah. I know how much you want to go and suck Kyungsoo hyung’s face off so.. get lost. Maybe Baekhyun hyung is kind enough to help me.“ 

Baekhyun looks up at that and for a second Kyungsoo things he’s going to say no but he too is surprised when his best friend struggles to get up from his position. „I’ll help you cutie.“ 

Jongin snorts at that but Sehun seems happy with the nickname and Kyungsoo thinks it’s nice, how their friends get along after having started off as horrible as a first meeting could get. 

„Kyungsoo.“ Jongin says and Kyungsoo looks up at him with a hum. „You know.. before you came I was planning on going to the dance studio.“ 

Kyungsoo nods quickly. „Oh.. yeah sure! I’m sorry if I held you back. I can help them clean…“ 

„What?“ Jongin tilts his head. „No.. I want you to come with me.“ 

„Oh.“ Kyungsoo shrugs. „Are you sure? I don’t want to disturb your practice.“ 

„You won’t disturb me.“ Jongin smiles. „I mean. If you want to. Or would it be boring for you? We can go watch a movie or something-“

„Jongin“ Kyungsoo chuckles. „I wouldn’t be bored. I.. I’ve been wanting to watch you dance again.“ 

„Yeah?“ And really, it just becomes so clear that Jongin hasn’t been praised enough in his life, because his eyes light up like nothing else whenever Kyungsoo tells him how amazing he is. 

Kyungsoo nods smiling when for once turns into the shy one. „Uhm… put on your coat, it’s cold outside.I’ll be right back. Oh and maybe.. I don’t know, bring a book with you? I don’t want you to be bored.“ Jongin says and then he turns around and rushes out of the room. 

Kyungsoo sighs. As if he’s seriously going to bring a book. He goes to grab his coat and zips it up until his mouth is hidden behind it and then he waits for Jongin. 

When he finally shows up he’s busy pulling a beanie over his head but stop once he looks at Kyungsoo. 

„What?“ Kyungsoo asks when Jongin won’t stop staring. 

The younger smiles brightly. „You look cute!“ 

Kyungsoo is silent for a moment before he lifts his arms up frustratedly. „I’m not even trying to be why-“

„It’s the coat! You look like a ball or something.“ Jongin laughs and Kyungsoo starts to frown the longer the laughter goes on. 

„I don’t find that funny.“ Kyungsoo says. „Calling someone a _ball_ is not a compliment.“

Jongin stops laughing but the crinkles around his eyes stay there, the corners of his lips twitching as he tries to control himself. „But it is! I meant it in a cute way… like a little baby.“ 

„A baby.“ Kyungsoo repeats.

„Yeah, because you’re so small and your eyes…“ Jongin trails off once he realizes that Kyungsoo is not very amused by his words. „Uhm.“ 

„Let’s just go.“ Kyungsoo turns around and opens the door. He’s not really mad but it’s cute how Jongin thinks he is. So he keeps walking when Jongin calls after him.

„Hyung wait!“ Jongin quickly catches up with him, hand already sliding down to touch Kyungsoo’s but Kyungsoo pulls aways when Jongin tries to hold it. „Kyungsoo..“ He whines, using his pouty lips again. He probably knows how weak it makes Kyungsoo, how he’d do anything Jongin asked him to when he pouts like that. 

„What?“ He asks, rather coldly. „Are we taking the bus?“ 

„Yes.“ Jongin says. „Hyung.. are you mad at me?“ 

Kyungsoo looks at him. „Do I look mad?“ 

Jongin hesitates. „Yes?“ 

„Well, it’s your fault.“ 

„But- no! I meant it in a good way but you just went on and assumed I was insulting you.“ 

„Oh, so now it’s my fault?“ Kyungsoo snaps and glares at him and Jongin stops walking. 

„Hyung.“ He says cautiously. „Are you.. being serious? You’re mad at me?“ 

Kyungsoo keeps glaring for a moment but the scared look on Jongin’s face is too precious and at first the corners of his lips are twitching while he tries to remain cold but it’s useless because the next moment he’s laughing. „Jongin!“ 

Jongin looks baffled, shakes his head. „Don’t do that again! I thought you were mad at me…“ 

Kyungsoo stops laughing, smiling up at Jongin. „I’m sorry… but it was funny. You were scared.“ 

„I wasn’t. And it wasn’t funny.“ Jongin huffs and starts walking again. 

Kyungsoo quickly catches up with him, circling his fingers around Jongin’s biceps as best as he can through the thick layers of his coat. „Are _you_ mad now?“ 

„No..“ Jongin mumbles. He brings a hand up to take Kyungsoo’s and bring it down so he can tangle their fingers together. „I know you were joking.. but could you just.. not look at me like that again?“ 

„Like what?“ Kyungsoo asks quietly, sensing that Jongin’s being serious. 

„Like.. I don’t know. Like you don’t like me anymore…“ 

„Jongin.“ Kyungsoo sighs. 

„I know. I’m being a baby again.“ Jongin chuckles but he looks like he’s hurt too and Kyungsoo doesn’t really now what to do about that other than tightening his fingers around the younger’s. „Come on, we’ll miss the bus.“ Jongin tugs at his hand and they walk in silence until they reach the bus stop. 

 

It’s around ten, meaning that the busses are filled with young people going out on a Friday night and Kyungsoo knows it’s for the best when Jongin lets go of his hand as they get inside the bus but it still makes his heart twitch a little. 

They take a seat on the very back, away from the already drunk group of guys. Jongin lets Kyungsoo sit by the window and when they sit down, Jongin’s thigh presses against his own and as Kyungsoo stares out the window, it reminds him a lot of their flight to New York. 

It’s dark outside, lights passing them swiftly, the drunk guys laughing in the background and the sounds of the engine lulling Kyungsoo into a sleepy state.

„Feels a little familiar.“ Jongin mumbles quietly and Kyungsoo turns to look at him, smiling softly at the look on Jongin’s face. 

„Yeah.“ He says and looks down to where Jongin rests his hand against his own thigh. He really wants to hold it, which is stupid, since he’s been holding it a lot lately. 

„It’s weird though, isn’t it?“ Jongin says next, his eyes never leaving Kyungsoo’s. 

„What is?“ 

Jongin shrugs, looking down. His thumb brushes over Kyungsoo’s jeans but then he pulls his hand back before anyone can see. „It’s almost been four months.. since we first met.“

Kyungsoo tilts his head, realizing that Jongin is right. Four months seems like a long time all of a sudden, yet at the same time he doesn’t feel like he’s spend not nearly enough of it together with Jongin. „It has.“ He mumbles to himself. 

„Would you have believed it if someone had told you back then that we would be sitting here, together, months later?“ Jongin asks next. 

Kyungsoo smiles. „Of course not Jongin… I thought I wouldn’t see you again after the flight.“

„But fate brought us back together!“ Jongin smiles and Kyungsoo just shakes his head, remembering the conversation they had back in New York in Jongin’s dorm. „You still don’t believe in fate?“

„Fate for us was Junmyeon.“ Kyungsoo rolls his eyes a little. „We wouldn’t have seen each other again if he wouldn’t have brought me to your show…“ 

„You’re wrong! I know we would’ve met each other again hyung!“ Jongin huffs and he’s getting too worked up again but Kyungsoo just really, really finds it endearing more than he finds it annoying. „You’re so unromantic…“ 

„I like to think I’m being realistic.“ Kyungsoo shrugs and then he sighs deeply, turning his head a little so his chin presses against Jongin’s arm. No one is looking at them anyway. „Stop thinking about it. We’re together now, aren’t we? Let’s work on keeping it that way.“ 

Jongin nods and brushes his lips against Kyungsoo forehead. 

And nothing happens. 

No one shouts _faggots_. 

No one cares. 

And Kyungsoo honestly hasn’t ever felt happier than at this moment, tucked away in the corner of an ugly bus with smelly teenagers around them and the warmth of Jongin beside him, his soothing presence calming him to no end. 

 

 

 

„Do you come here a lot at night?“ Kyungsoo wants to know. It honestly makes him worry, the dance studio is kind of in an isolated area. He doesn’t even want to think about what kind of people would be ghosting around here at night. 

Jongin nods. „I don’t have another choice. I have school and work during the day, so…“ He unlocks the door and lets Kyungsoo in first before he gets inside too, locking the door behind him again. „It’s better anyways, no one’s here at night. I can’t practice with other people around…“ He guides Kyungsoo through the dark with his hands placed on Kyungsoo’s sides. „Stairs.“ He whispers before Kyungsoo can trip over them. 

„Why did you bring me here then?“ Kyungsoo asks, careful on not missing a step. 

„You’re not other people.“ Jongin mumbles and Kyungsoo can’t control the smile that spreads on his face, small but more heartfelt than most. 

_How do I deserve you?_

Jongin unlocks another door once they’ve reached the second floor and turns the lights on quickly after that once they’re inside. 

Kyungsoo walks to the middle of the room, turning around to see himself in the huge mirror covering the entirety of one wall. It’s a basic practice room, with a white wooden floor and a two huge windows. There are bars on one side, probably for the ballet dancers. „It’s huge.“ Kyungsoo hums, watching through the mirror how Jongin opens a locker where the sound system seems to be in. 

„Yeah.“ Jongin answers before he takes his coat off. And then his sweater, until he’s left in nothing but a sleeveless shirt. „You can give me your coat hyung.“ Jongin says, walking closer as he reaches his hand out. Kyungsoo struggles with the zipper until it gets stuck at the very top, the fabric clenched between the metal. 

Kyungsoo huffs and gives up, tired from how heavy his arms feel underneath all the layers. „It’s stuck…“ His eyes flicker back to the mirror, remembering Jongin’s words. He wasn’t wrong, really. Kyungsoo looks fucking stupid in the thing, he’s basically drowning inside of it. This is what happens when he goes shopping without Baekhyun. „I look like an egg.“ 

Jongin smiles softly, stepping closer as his hands reach up to deal with the problem. „You don’t look like an egg.“ 

Kyungsoo sighs, starting to feel hot under the coat. „Can you open it?“

„Yeah, just a second.“ Jongin pulls at the fabric, gets the angle right before he tugs at the zipper. It comes free and he steps back with a proud grin. Kyungsoo looks up at him while Jongin smiles back, so gentle and warm and stupid Kyungsoo feels his cheeks flush with affection. 

"I like it when you blush." Jongin mumbles then, bringing his hand up to brush his knuckles over Kyungsoo's cheek, where the skin must be slightly red.

Kyungsoo clears his throat. "Well, I don't. Stop making me do it." 

Jongin laughs and Kyungsoo just watches how his eyes glow, his heart swelling at the sight.

„Thank you.“ Kyungsoo then says, quickly stripping the coat off.

Jongin's still smiling a bit but he seems to sense that Kyungsoo feels uncomfortable again, or not uncomfortable, rather just embarrassed about himself as per usual so he takes a step back and stops grinning at him. „Uh.. there’s nowhere you can sit.“ Jongin rubs at his neck, as if he hadn’t thought about that before. 

„I’ll just sit on the floor.“ Kyungsoo shrugs but Jongin shakes his head.

„No the floors aren’t heated.. Here.“ He goes to grab his coat and sweater and starts arranging them on the floor before stepping aside.

Kyungsoo chuckles upon seeing it. „You didn’t have to built a nest for me.“ 

Jongin shrugs and steps closer, leaning down to press a kiss to Kyungsoo’s cheek. You’d think it would get boring after the first few times, that Kyungsoo would stop being so pleasantly surprised by the tender touch, but it’s not the case. His eyes still flutter closed, his lips stretching into a smile.

After a few minutes Kyungsoo is sitting with his back pressed against the wall, watching Jongin while the younger fumbles with the sound system. 

It feels strange, watching him, his feathery hair slightly curled from the shower he had earlier, the concentrated look on his face, the way the muscles in his arms flex with every move. 

And as he sits there Kyungsoo just thinks that really, he couldn’t be with someone else but Jongin. He wouldn’t want to because Jongin feels like some kind of anchor that’s been missing in his life. A lot of things seem clearer, less scarier. It’s safe, and warm, and nice. That’s what Jongin is, apart from everything else that makes Kyungsoo want to not let go of whatever it is they have right now. 

He wants Jongin’s stupid laugh, his cute smile, his tender touches, his sappy words, his happy nature despite all the things being thrown at him, all of it. And he wants it today and tomorrow and possibly for the rest of his life. 

Just as Jongin plugs his phone in Kyungsoo pushes himself up from the floor, walking towards his boyfriend slowly. 

Jongin looks up, eyeing him. „Are you cold?“ He asks, putting the phone down, his arms ready to hug Kyungsoo just to warm him up.

But Kyungsoo shakes his head and steps closer and then pulls Jongin down by his neck to press their lips together in a soft kiss. Jongin seems surprised at first, but it’s only a few seconds later that Kyungsoo feels the boy’s arms wrap around his waist, pulling him closer while the kiss stays like this, gentle. 

„I have to tell you something.“ Kyungsoo says after pulling away, putting a hand to Jongin’s chest when he tries to connect their lips once more.

Jongin furrows his eyebrows. „That.. doesn’t sound good.”

„It’s nothing bad.. come on.” He takes Jongin’s hand to lead him back to the jackets on the floor so they can sit down.

Jongin sits down and leans against the wall but his eyes are cautious as he watches Kyungsoo. „Why do I have to sit for this?”

„We can stand too if that pleases you.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. „Okay look… you know, when you told me about.. what happened with that contract thing and your parents, right?”

Jongin’s features tighten at the words, his eyes turning just a tad duller and Kyungsoo wants to take his words back, shouldn’t have mentioned his family in the first place. The younger nods for Kyungsoo to continue.

„Well, it got me thinking and I remembered that Junmyeon knows this guy in Seoul who works for an entertainment company.” Kyungsoo looks up now, trying to read Jongin’s reaction but the boy only tilts his head, not catching on.

„Okay?” He says, sounding confused and Kyungsoo sighs once more.

„Junmyeon talked to Yixing about.. about you. He’s a manager and dance choreographer at the company.” And it finally seems to click because Jongin’s eyes widen all of a sudden. „And Yixing would like to meet you. See you dance in person.”

„What?” Jongin rasps. “How-“ And then he shakes his head. „Hyung, no this isn’t… he hasn’t even seen me dance, I don’t want to get in there just because he’s doing Junmyeon hyung a favor I can’t-“

„But he has seen you dance!” Kyungsoo interrupts. He knew Jongin was going to react like this. „He’s seen your videos, they’re all over the internet if you didn’t know.” He smiles when Jongin flushes at his words.

„But… hyung. This feels like cheating. Do you know how hard it is to even get to perform in front of those scouts?“

„Jongin, look.. if anyone deserves to get a chance like this then it’s you!” Kyungsoo reaches his hand out to play with Jongin’s hand. „If it wasn’t for… that incident with the other company, you would be under a contract already and you know it. You’re so talented… And Yixing isn’t one to do something like this because of personal relationships okay? He’s seen you dance and he was more than impressed. All you have to do is win him over, which you will, I know it.”

Jongin’s silent for a moment and he slots their fingers together.

„Oh and there’s something else…” Kyungsoo says next, hoping to win Jongin over with that. “You have a lot of videos together with Sehun… and Yixing wants to meet him too.”

„What?” Jongin exclaims, gaping at him. “Are you being serious??”

„Yeah…” Kyungsoo smiles a little. “Wouldn’t.. that be great? If you two would get in together?”

„Hyung-“ Kyungsoo sees his Adam’s apple bob when he swallows and before he knows it Jongin surges forward, taking him by surprise which leads to him losing his balance and falling to the ground with Jongin on top. „I’m sorry.” Jongin mumbles, helping Kyungsoo sit up again. „Did I hurt you?”

"No.” Kyungsoo looks into Jongin’s eyes, trying to figure out if the boy is happy about the news or if Kyungsoo somehow made him feel bad about himself. 

„I don’t know… I don’t know how to thank you.” Jongin says, and his eyes look a little wet and the way he stares at Kyungsoo is hard to take in. „I don’t know what to do with you hyung, I’m so.. and this, I just-“

„You don’t have to thank me.” Kyungsoo mumbles, flushing a little because of Jongin’s words. “All I did was call Junmyeon so…”

„Yeah but you were thoughtful enough to do it.”  Jongin reaches his hand out to brush his thumb over Kyungsoo’s cheekbone gently. „No one has ever done anything like this for me…”

Kyungsoo shrugs before shuffling a little closer. „But I’m not… I’m not just someone. I’m your boyfriend. I want to help you make your dreams come true.”

„You are already helping me.” Jongin says and leans closer, kisses Kyungsoo’s cheek. „By being mine.” Presses another kiss to his cupid’s bow. „I feel like the luckiest person alive to get to kiss you like this.” He says and kisses the corner of his lips.

„Here we go again...” Kyungsoo tries to get him to stop but his heart betrays him because it doesn’t want him to stop.

„I’m being serious.” Jongin sighs against his skin but he’s smiling.

„But you don’t have to be so cheesy about it.” Kyungsoo laughs when Jongin bites his cheek, his arms wrapping around Jongin’s shoulders to pull him closer.

„Where’s the fun in that?” Jongin asks. Kyungsoo takes his face into his hands, pulling him up to press their lips together. „Thank you.” Jongin says in between, lips brushing together as he speaks, his breath warm and soft against his skin.  

„Jongin.” Kyungsoo sighs when Jongin kisses his neck. The younger has his arms around Kyungsoo, pulls him closer so his legs are circled around Jongin’s hips with his bum still on the floor. It’s strangely comfortable, and they came here so Jongin could practice but it doesn’t seem like either of them cares about that all that much anymore.

He feels Jongin’s palms run over his back and leans his head against his chest, eyes falling closer. He slept the entire trip but he still feels like he could sleep another ten hours. It’s when Jongin starts running the tip of his index finger over his spine that he sobers up a little, trying to break free from Jongin’s hold.

„You’re tickling me!” He huffs but Jongin doesn’t let him go. „Jongin…”

„Wait..” Jongin whispers into his ear and if Kyungsoo didn’t know better, he’d say Jongin sounds a little nervous.

„Wait for what?” Kyungsoo sighs against his neck, trying to relax in his hold even when Jongin starts to run his finger over the space between his shoulder blades.

It takes him a second too long to understand that Jongin isn’t trying to tickle him.

He’s writing something.

„What-“

“No hyung.” Jongin huffs, almost a little frustrated. “Pay attention.”

Kyungsoo closes his eyes, trying to figure out what the hell Jongin is on about. He knows he’s drawing something but how is he supposed to know what?

Jongin starts repeating the motions, over and over again until it becomes clearer.

And when it finally clicks Kyungsoo inhales sharply against Jongin’s collarbone.

„Did you feel it?” Jongin asks, a whisper against his ear and Kyungsoo just presses closer, doesn’t know if he wants to smile or cry.

„Yes.” Kyungsoo says, pulling back to look into Jongin’s face. He never really thought about this moment, especially not this early into their relationship. But surprisingly, he's not freaking out. There's just his heart thumping steadily against his ribs and throat clogging up a little but other than that, he's nothing but happy and excited and...

in love.

He pulls Jongin down by his neck, his other hand cradling the younger's cheek when he presses their lips together in a soft kiss. He feels Jongin sigh against him, feels the younger melt, for once, in his arms and it's nice to know that Jongin's body reacts like this to him too, with hands pulling closer automatically and heart rates picking up as soon as their lips touch. He pulls back after a moment, chuckling breathlessly when Jongin kisses the corner of his mouth. 

„Good.” Jongin breathes, smiles a little and Kyungsoo can’t help but smile back, heart fluttering wildly in his chest.

He thinks that somehow, Jongin didn’t even have to spell it out for him to feel it. He feels it every time Jongin looks at him, smiles at him, kisses him. And he hopes Jongin feels it too in return. 

But the way Jongin smiles at him, the tips of his ears red and his teeth chewing at his lower lip almost nervously tells him that, yeah, Jongin probably knows.

 

„Hyung?” Jongin asks, changing the subject since it’s a vulnerable one for both of them, holds Kyungsoo a little tighter too.

„What?” Kyungsoo asks softly.

„You know, I never asked. When you flew back from New York.. weren’t you scared?”

It hasn’t even been that long but it’s such a contrast because flying back from New York the only thing in his mind was forgetting about Jongin. And now look where he is, in Jongin’s arms somewhere in a small part of Seoul where Jongin’s dance studio is hidden. 

He shakes his head. „Not really.“ 

„You weren’t?“ Jongin pulls back to look at him, a faint smile on his lips. 

Kyungsoo shrugs. „I mean… I was a little but it was okay.“ 

„Wait, that wasn’t all just a show to hold my hand, was it?“ Jongin asks, smirking.

Kyungsoo shoots him a glare and Jongin laughs again. „Don’t be so full of yourself.“ 

„No but really.“ Jongin smiles and rubs his palm over Kyungsoo’s arm soothingly. „I was concerned, you know. That you’d panic again.. and I couldn’t be there to distract you.“ 

„But you helped either way.“ Kyungsoo says. „I kept thinking about the things you said about flying. It calmed me down a lot..“

„Really?“ 

Kyungsoo hums. „And well, flying, and airplanes, it all just… kind of reminds me of you now. And that’s good becaue.. you know. You make me happy and.. feel safe. And stuff.“ 

„And stuff.“ Jongin murmurs, smirking at how flustered Kyungsoo gets again.

„Didn’t you have to practice?“ Kyungsoo asks to change the subject once again. 

„Yeah.“ Jongin leans forward to peck his lips once before he gets up to his feet. „You’re going to watch?“

Kyungsoo smiles. „Do you see a book anywhere?“ 

Jongin laughs and jogs to the sound system, fumbling around a little until the first tunes of a song can be heard. 

Jongin walks to the middle of the room, standing across the mirror and Kyungsoo is a little torn about where he should look, the expanse of Jongin’s back or his reflection in the mirror. 

The playful, whiny boy is gone, replaced by the Jongin Kyungsoo had seen back in New York on stage. 

„Ready?“ Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo looks up and their eyes meet in the mirror, lips stretching into smiles as soon as they do.

„Yeah.“ 

 

 

 

 

_x ... ... x_

 

 

 


End file.
